Hollywood's A Bitch

So for weeks now we've been teasing a BIG TIME INTERVIEW with a BIG TIME HOLLYWOOD MOGUL.

We did the interview. Dave transcribed it. We sent it off to said mogul for his approval. And then... nada.

So here's the punchline:

Hollywood is a cruel, heartless mistress. She changes her mind with the wind. One day she loves you, and the next you're toast. One day you're making out passionately on a side street in a cramped Volkswagen karman-ghia, professing undying love, and the next day she looks at you like doody.

In this case, we're doody. Our BIG TIME HOLLYWOOD MOGUL is no longer with the BIG TIME COMEDY BRAND he was running. He left. No longer there. Ended the relationship.

Now... he and I are friends, so he'll still return my calls, but guess what that means for the interview?

That's right, my friends. Toast. Sorry about all that freakin' transcribing Dave...

Anyhow. BIG TIME HOLLYWOOD MOGUL is now off working as a BIG TIME HOLLYWOOD EXECUTIVE PRODUCER, so we may still get an interview, but everything we did is pretty much craptastic, since it was focused on his role as the head of this comedy brand... the one he's no longer running.

Its a shame, really. The interview had all the usual B Movie Writers hallmarks - lesbian jokes, boob jokes, references to Natalie Portman, and even a few new nuggets like some Virginia Tech gags. For the record, no one laughed at those.

Anyhow, that officially makes this a post about nothing. However, I felt like we should explain why this wonderful interview that we keep teasing hasn't shown up. And, well, now it never will.

Thanks, Hollywood. Thanks for nothin', that is.

- Charlie

P.S. And he STILL hasn't read the raunchy comedy. This, despite the fact that he's unemployed! Rat bastard...

Dave Is Such A Tease...

As Dave mentioned, he actually made contact with the elusive Producer Dude a week or so ago.

What he failed to mention was the highly exciting tease that Producer Dude left us hanging with.

So they banged out new contract terms, finally, for Siege. If all goes well, it should be in some state of production, or pre-production, or neo-natal production, this Summer. I'll believe it when I see it, but hey... I'm becoming jaded.

Dave then asked Producer Dude if there was any further word on the NAME ACTORS who've signed letters of interest to work on the film. Producer Dude noted that the two guys who've committed so far are still on board, and he's working on a 3rd "name actor" that you guys would all know.

But... the big tease was that #1 name actor (twice Oscar Nominated, according to IMDB) has "expressed interest" in DIRECTING Siege. Now... I don't normally think of this guy as a Director, but he's actually a very good one. Like... won a DGA award for one of the key flicks everyone knows him from (which I never realized he directed).

Mind you, "expressed interest" in directing Siege could well have gone something like this:

NAME ACTOR/DIRECTOR: "Wow, this screenplay is really horrible. The dialogue is trite, the action mundane, and the exposition non-existent. A shetland pony could direct this. That Corky kid from Life Goes On could direct this. Hell, I could drink a 5th of jack, snort a kilo of coke, pop 5 percoset, and mainline Windex and still manage to direct this dung-heap."

PRODUCER DUDE: "You'd direct this?!"

Anyhow... we'll see what happens next.

In the meantime, I continue to drag ass on my share of rewrites. Luckily, Dave's busy enough with other stuff to not have gotten too annoyed.

And lastly, don't expect anymore deep psychological insight from me in the future. Turns out colleagues at work have been reading this blog and I'm now being harassed about my obsession with Natalie Portman, rabbit poop, and my impending midlife crisis.

Going forward I'll be focusing exclusively on shallow banality.

For the record, tho, there will be no reduction in Natalie Portman references. Dave strictly forbade it.

- Charlie

One Small Step for Siege...

OK, so check it out.

Finally, after months, weeks, years, decades, whatever, of trying to connect with Producer Dude, I had A CALL.

See, he's been out of the country making another film. He's in post, ready to get going on the next big thing (Siege).

So we hammered out contract details. He had given me an old contract, I had sent it to My Manager for an unofficial "Hey, can you look at this and tell me if your client is gonna sign away his life if he signs this?" look. My Manager made notes. Unofficially.

I sent notes to Producer Dude. Producer Dude sent notes to Producer Dude's Contract Dude(ette) (I don't know if it's a male or female Contract-person.) They came back with comments on My Manager's notes.

And we waited for about two or three months to connect and hammer out the final details.

They are hammered.

We've agreed on everything. he's sent the agreement to Producer Dude's Contract Dude(ette).

We're on a roll.

So what does this mean?

It means that we're probably two or three weeks away from having an officially signed contract, and getting the $17.49 option payment.

Then we wait.

Oh, and while hammering the contract out, I was totally able to screw Charlie over and get most of the money. I rock.

Birth of a Crazy Idea

People always ask me, "Where do you get your ideas?"

Well OK, no. No one ever asks me. Because no one cares. I'm all alone in this world. Insignificant. Pointless. Oh, what's the use? I give up.

But anyway.

When the imaginary people in my mind ask me about my wellspring of inspiration, I usually say something along the lines of:

"In my head."

While the truth is often a jumbled combination of "I saw something on TV and thought I could do something similar and better." and "Someone told me a story that I thought was a piece of something I could turn into a story." or "I just killed a man and stole his secret journal... should be good for another two or three scripts right there." there is also some truth to my pat answer.

Take the circus clown/submarine/bikini hi-jinx script that Charlie and I are working on. It literaly began in my head. I saw, late one night while lying in bed, what would turn out to be the first 20 pages of the script. The set-up. (I'm good at set-ups. Who isn't?) So I woke up, wrote it down, and sent it Charlie to see what he thought.

It's often how I work.

Well lightning has struck again. Literally, we had thunder storms yesterday.

And I had an idea.

Similar in some ways to some other stuff out there. Definitely different in other ways. Unique yet recognisable. Fun. Big budget. Blockbuster. Tailor-made for sequels.

So I wrote down the first 6 pages, which actually covers a lot of information. Now I'm stepping back and hashing out the entire plot before moving forward.

And it's coming along really quickly. I'm kinda jazzed.

Is this the next David/Charlie epic? Is this just the next David epic? Dunno, but right now, I'm leaning towards wanting to tell the whole story myself. But I just wanted to share with both of you the crazy blast of inspiration that jolted my noggin yesterday when I should have been concentrating on driving the car.

Oh, and Producer Dude says we'll get on the contract next week. Yada yada. And we should have the Interview with the Big, Well-Connected Guy later this week- though quite a bit of the circumstances around this interview have suddenly changed. Love Hollywood. And My Manager just emailed me to let me know I won't be hearing from them until next week.

So there's your status update.

Rock on!

Bemused or Bewitched?

As long as there have been artists, there have been "muses" inspiring them.

From Viola De Lesseps, who supposedly drove Shakespeare's creative vision and inspired "A MidSummer Night's Dream" to Beethoven's famed "Immortal Beloved," Amalie Sebald, women of beauty and grace have been the real-life impetus behind some of history's most renowned works.

And so it was that I was talking yesterday with a writer-buddy of mine who's back in LA. He's been seeing a girl for the last few months, and was telling me how she keeps finding her way into his work.

"Perfect Eyes. Its the name of the screenplay I'm working on right now. Its inspired by her flawless blue eyes. They couldn't be more perfect if they were created in a Teutonic laboratory."

I was intrigued. "So what's it about?" I asked.

"Yeah... I'm still working that out. But the main character is named after Sarah, and, of course, she has those same incredible eyes."

As he said this, I remembered that the last two screenplays I read from him both had major characters named Sarah. A mystery-thriller, and a horror flick.

I didn't have the heart to say it, but couldn't help thinking... "Dude... Sarah's not so much your muse, as she is a distraction." When you're writing a screenplay around her eyes - but that's all you know about it... well... something's not quite right.

Don't get me wrong. From everything I know about this gal, she's amazing. She's perfect for my buddy. They belong together.

But... you know. Not in his writing. At some point, personal and professional get mixed and it turns out all funky.

To be clear... there's nothing wrong with inserting real life inspiration into your writing. Heck, that's what makes it interesting. I've used many scenes that were inspired by something I really did, or saw, or heard about. And many of the characters in Siege, and the Raunchy Teen Comedy, and the unnamed Lesbian-Vampire/Charles-Bronson-Revenge/Albino-Bat-Creature script are named after friends and family. Some of you readers will be happy to see your namesakes as henchmen in Siege, if it ever makes it into production.

And going back to our original example... if William Shakespeare had never been jilted by Viola, herself forced to the New World in a loveless marriage, we'd have lost some of the greatest written works of English literature.

So... I'm not saying a "muse" for inspiration is wrong. Quite the contrary, if it leads you to the story. I'm more concerned that my buddy's putting the cart before the horse in crafting "Perfect Eyes" around nothing more than a pair of... um... perfect eyes that are attached to a chick he digs.

And he reads this blog. So dude... consider this an intervention.

BFF,

Charlie


Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, script, movies

All You Have to do is Wait

There's no sun up in the sky,
And the bird's forgot to sing.
But you're headed for a cell,
Then to die and rot in Hell,
So it might as well be Spring

I'll be singing like a bird,
When the jury sets the date.
For this capital event,
Whose revenge is Heaven sent,
All You Have To Do Is Wait

That song has nothing at all to do with what's going on except the title. And.. well.. I like the song.

See, we're waiting. What? You've heard that before? Writers waiting? Wild.

Waiting for Producer Dude to finish his current reshoots in the Tropics so he can focus on Siege and deal with the contract. (ETA: 1-2 weeks)

Waiting to hear back from Big Production Company on my TV treatment. (ETA: 2 weeks)

Waiting to hear from My Manager on the draft of the pilot episode of the TV project I wrote. (ETA: 2-3 weeks)

Waiting for Charlie's Big Hotshot Hollywood Guy (I can't remember what we named him before) to OK the Interview so we can put it up on this blog. (ETA: Pigs Flying)

Waiting for same BHHG to read the script we sent him. (ETA: Pigs Flying Circles Around Crazed, Naked Co-Ed Cheerleader Girls Who Juggle Avocados While Riding A Unicycle.)

So there ya go.

So I think I'll leave you with more lyrics from that cool song.

As they seal the chamber door,
Think of me who sealed your fate.
Once the pellets hit the pail,
From the instant you inhale,
All You Have To Do Is Wait.

Good Things Come To Those.... Who WAIT!!!!!!!

Where's My Freaking Party?

And now for something completely different. A post that isn't me whining about lack of progress on our films. Nay, verily, I shall endeavor to whine about something utterly new.

I'm not a young man.

I guess I'm what one might call a middle-aged dude. I don't feel it. I have a youthful spirit. I play videogames. I listen to techno. But... well... I'm 39. So that makes me middle aged.

And I'm staring down the barrel of a gun at 40.

I'd like to say that this impending "milestone" birthday is meaningless to me but, truth is, its not. It scares me.

Not too long ago I took a "longevity expectancy" quiz that Dr. Sanjay Gupta had on his MSNBC site. It pegged me to make it to an even 80. Not great, but not bad. And I'm 1/2way there. At the hump. As much behind me as ahead of me. That sucks.

My old man had a heart attack at 40. Genetics hang over me like a dark cloud.

So a couple of months ago I climbed onto the scale one morning. It read 220. Nearly 40 years old, 220 lbs, and a genetic predisposition to die of a heart attack any day now.

"This ain't gonna fly," I thought to myself.

And so I've busted my ass for the last couple of months. My original goal was to get down to 200lbs. 20 lbs seemed pretty manageable, and was bound to help my odds of survival. And I hit it pretty quickly. So I doubled the odds.

40 lbs by my 40th birthday in August.

I've cut back dramatically on my eating habits (1 "real" meal a day and limit that to fish/poultry and steamed or grilled vegetables). I work out 4 times a week. I'm probably in the best shape of my post-military life.

So yesterday, May 1st, I climbed on the scale at the gym.

179.

41 pounds. I'd beaten my goal!

I don't know what I thought would happen when I hit it, but I felt like something should! A party. A letter of congratulations from the Pope. Sex with Natalie Portman.

SOMETHING.

But what happened is I rushed back to work from a lunchtime workout. My best "work buddy" was slammed and in the crappiest mood imaginable. I didn't even bother sharing.

Called the wife, who was on her way to class. A quick "good work, honey" and she was off to learn about Post-Impressionists or some freaking thing.

IMed Dave, who bitterly replied that maybe I should spend less time on the treadmill and more time on Final Draft.

Truth is... no one gave a shit.

Instead I picked up my son. We went to Target and bought Transformers. Transformers rule. And then we played with them in the bar at Outback Steakhouse while I downed an 18 oz ribeye.

Afterwards we went home and downloaded some clips Producer Dude sent us from his current movie... the one being directed by the Director he wants to use on Siege. Hard to tell much from a few clips, but it looked competent and well shot, so that was encouraging. And my son thought the explosion was cool.

So... maybe I'm an idiot for expecting some kind of public celebration of my private success. Truth is, steak and dailies with my amazing kid is better than any congratulatory letter from Regis Philbin or hot-wings party at Hooters.

Life's really like that, if you think about it. A ton of private efforts that make up a public persona. You share what is appropriate with the world, but most of the time... the most private struggles are the ones that matter most to... well... just you.

- Charlie

P.S. If Natalie Portman's reading, I'd still be up for that, though...

A While Lotta Nuthin' Going On

This is going to be one of the most boring updates I've ever posted.

And I've posted some doozies in my day, no doubt.

See... there's really nothing special to share with you, our dear reader.

Er... readers.

Not much from Producer Dude. He's back from Nicaragua or wherever it is he shot his most recent opus, and is planning to get rolling on Siege in a week or two. But for now... nada.

The CEO of a major comedy brand has yet to get back to us on the Raunchy Comedy. Despite being a dear friend of mine, he's now stopped returning emails and phone calls. I think when I sent him the screenplay I got moved from the "BUDDY" column to "WANNA BE WRITER" column in his life.

And I'm still dragging ass in finishing my rewrites on the un-named Mountain-Cabin/Monster-in-the-Woods/Urban-Rap-Battle-drama. Dave's losing patience and has actually threatened to hire a monkey to finish it up.

So... for today... there's nothing to see here.

That's right. Get outta here you pesky kids. Shoo. Scram.

But... you know... come back soon. We have an interview in the pipeline, at least. And its a good one.

Charlie

...and coming...

So I have our next interview. With someone who works in Hollywood, has a real job, and is, like, really cool.

I have to transcribe it, then send it back to them so they can say "OK, you can put that online, just cut out the bit where I talk about the hooker."

Yeah, our subject is big enough that he cares what we say. How cool is that?

But we're still open to talking to the little people, so drop us a line if you want free press.

OK, I'm off. Just wanted to tease you like Sarah Hitchens used to do in high School.

Gotta run. Wonder Pets is over.

Coming Attractions

I'm still sitting on the unnamed Rear-Window remake/skating comedy/animated feature that Dave tossed over a few weeks ago. I NEED to move my ass, I just haven't.

I'm a bad person, I know. This weekend, hopefully.

In the meantime, we haven't just been sitting around. As I mentioned, I cajoled the raunchy comedy screenplay into the hands of the CEO of a Major Comedy Brand, and we've been waiting with baited breath for his response. I spoke with him yesterday and it went something like this...

"Hey CEO Buddy! How are you?!"

"Good, man. You?"

"Um... good. How was your trip last week. Do anything fun? Read anything good, maybe?"

"Oh, yeah... the trip was good, thanks."

"Right. But did you... you know... Read anything notable?"

"I read a crappy James Patterson novel."

"Uh huh. And that's it?"

"The paper, every day. Have to stay in touch."

"Right. And nothing else?"

"Not that I can think of. Why?"

"Screenplay, dude."

"What?

"THE FREAKING SCREENPLAY I SENT YOU!!!"

"Oh, yeah! Um... yeah. I haven't read it yet."

"Oh. Ok."

"So how was your week, Charlie?"

"Huh? Yeah, dude. Whatever. Look, I gotta run. Gimme a call once you read that script."

"Wha..."



In unrelated news, look for our latest interview, which should be published sometime next week, with the CEO of a Major Comedy Brand.

Charlie

Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, script, movies

Only So Many Jokes in the Universe

So as we've told you. Charlie took my laugh-out-loud comedy script, punched it up, sent it back to me, I punched it up more, then he sent it to a really awesome dude he met in a chat room.

This is a story about one of those punches.

Charlie took a scene that was funny, and added something even funnier to it. I then took his funnier bit, and made it even more hilarious. In that format, that bit in that scene was included in the script that went off to that creepy Internet stalker.

About a week late,r I'm sitting at home late one night and watching the Adam Sandler film Click on DVD. I had never seen Click before, my wife never saw it. I don't know anyone who saw it. But it was supposed to be funny, and it was available at the library (which means FREE!).

And there's a scene in Click that is QUITE similar to the hilarious scene I referred to above.

So what do you do? The scene is not exact. The punchline on the particular joke is different (and they drag the bit on way too long). But the set-up is nearly identical. The subject of the joke is identical. The humor behind the joke is identical.

So, like, it's been done.

Do we now have to take that joke out of our script? I say no. Lots of movies share jokes. Give yourself a few minutes and you'll come up with examples off the top of your head. (I'd do the work for you, but I'm lazy.) There are only so many jokes in the world. I think they did a study and the exact number is somewhere around 837. That someone else thought of the same joke we came up with only means we're on to something. Right?

Right?

In God's Hands...

So the raunchy comedy is now in the hands of the CEO of a major comedy brand.

I did a light polish (truth is, it was pretty solid to begin with in my eyes) and sent it to Dave. Dave then did what he does best... changes back most of what I've messed with.

Eh. It was his first, so that was cool by me. Plus we had a pressing need to get it into the hands of said CEO so he could read it this week while travelling.

Now... I have to admit to cheating a bit here. Major Comedy Brand CEO is a dear friend of mine. Love the guy like a brother. And, as it goes with family, you lean on them to read your stuff. So... he agreed to read the screenplay. More than anything, I'm hoping he'll give us some really solid feedback so we can polish it further. But, of course, if he reads it and loves it, then Dave and I would be extra happy. And since he's family, he'll be honest, so now we're just waiting for him to finish.

While I'm waiting I'm supposed to be working on the un-titled double-feature/talking-dog/Ice-Cube-family comedy that we've been working on for so long. SUPPOSED TO BE. I haven't gotten to it yet, unfortunately.

What have I been doing? Not eating.

This has nothing to do with B Movies, of course, but I'm in a bragging mood.

By virtue of not eating, and exercising a lot, I've managed to drop 30 pounds in the last 6 weeks or so. I'm shooting for 10 more.

That said, if BIG COMEDY BRAND CEO comes back to us, loves the raunchy comedy, and wants to buy it...

I'm eating a freaking cake.

Charlie


Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, script, movies

Laugh, and the world gives you money

So Charlie sent me the raunchy sex comedy that I gave him to update and revise a while back. And you know what? It's funny. And it's not just me saying this. Charlie says it's funny. And the people that Charlie has sent it to for notes have say it is funny. And I re-read it and laughed out loud a number of times. It's funny.

So naturally, I gave it a rewrite/polish. Now it's even funnier. Sent it back to Charlie. Let him run with it. He has some peeps he wants to shuffle it over to, peeps from a different life who know or are or have heard of people who could do something with it.

But don't tell My Manager.

See, about a year ago, I sent the script over to My Manager. They read it. They said "Eh." Then they said, "You're a horror/suspense guy. stick to that. Don't waste any time working on this."

So I sent it to Charlie and said, "I'm not working on this. You go work on it."

And he dusted it for fingerprints and added a gerund or two. Now it's got heat. Now it may hit eyes that could shower us with dollars. But I ain't mentioned to My Manager that I did anything with it. Because I'm the horror/suspense guy. And I'm nervous. See, I didn't, actually, do any work on it after My Manager told me not to. So I haven't disobeyed My Manager. But the script has found a life without me. And my name is on it. So eventually, if something were to happen, say Brad Pitt and Denzel Washington decided to team up for a raunchy sex-comedy with Helen Mirren and Mandy Moore, then I'd probably have to mention something to My Manager.

And we'll see how that goes.

But for now, Huzzah! We have funny script! We rock!

The world needs more laughter. Especially laughter mixed in with sex jokes.

Passing the Buck

So I've been furiously writing on the Casablanca remake/eco-drama/teenage sex romp that we've been working on. My plan was to go through the entire thing, fix characters, move the big reveal up, make it good. But skip over the one scene that I want Charlie to do because.. well.. a) I'm lazy and b) he has to do something if he wants to keep his name on it, right?

That scene is about 2/3 of the way through the script. So I got to that point. Then, being extremely clever and witty, wrote something like "HERE CHARLIE WRITES A FANTASTIC SCENE THAT PROBABLY INVOLVES A LESBIAN SEX SCENE" and skipped to the next scene.

But then I started finding all sorts of dialogue and motivation that was based on what happened in that scene. Hurt feelings from those left out of the orgy, degrading YouTube footage, moist toys, what have you. And I realized that, damn it, I need to know what happens in that scene in order to move forward.

So I punted back to Charlie. He can take it from here.

I told him I just need him to do the aforementioned missing scene, but deep down, and don't tell him (Charlie, if you're reading this, skip ahead to the next paragraph) I'm hoping he'll take it and run. He's a good writer (PLEASE don't let him know I said that) and has a lot of really good ideas, even if not as many deal with lesbians as I think they should. So we'll see what he does.

Meanwhile, hearing that Charlie got positive feedback on our raunchy comedy brings a smile to my face. Fingers crossed, let's see what else we get back on it and then see what kind of notes we get and then see how Charlie runs with those notes and then see how the intended target of this script reacts. At that point, if the target likes it, I should probably tell My Manager that the script went out. I fully intend to tell them, I'm just.. dragging my feet a bit. NO use bucking the system before there's a need.

Because My Manager specifically told me not to spend time on that comedy. They want me to be the dark/horror/supernatural writer in their stable. So fine, I'm not working on it. I just handed it to Charlie and said "God be with you." So I haven't actually spent any time working on it. It's working on it's own. Meanwhile, I finished up the 8th version of the TV treatment (the changes between version 7 and version 8? A couple of words.) and by later today, it should be back in the hands of the Big Production Company that is all over this like honey on my prom date.

Things are moving. My balls are in the air. Also similar to my memories of prom.

Rock on.

Early Reviews Are In...

So as Dave's previously mentioned, I've been working on a punch-up of a raunchy-comedy that he wrote a few years ago.

I remember when I first read it maybe 5 or 6 years ago... I thought it was VERY funny and VERY raunchy. Dave made more use of a term for male genitalia that rhymes with "sock" in that screenplay than I'd ever seen in a 90 minute period. Well... except maybe in Golden Boyz III.

So anyhow, we've resurrected it. I've done a first pass edit and sent out to a few people for feedback. This morning a colleague, and fellow screenwriter, came by my desk after sitting on the thing for weeks.

"Charlie... I don't know what you're worried about with this script. This is freaking hilarious. I LOVED it. I laughed my ass off over this thing."

I was incredulous. "Really? Like... LOVED it? Yer just being nice, right?"

But no. He really thought it was great. This guy, who used to work in TV, went on to say he thought it was one of the better written, punchier, wittier comedy screenplays he's seen in awhile. And while he's not exactly sitting at ICM making decisions, he is a guy with decent taste.

So... I think we have something worth showing around, maybe.

He's going to give me detailed notes, and I'm still hoping for a few more, and then I'll punch it up some more.

And then it'll go out by any possible means available. Wrapped in a Buy-1-Get-1 coupon for The Cheetah in Hollywood and tossed thru the door of CAA. Slipped through Chris Moore's barely open convertible ragtop. Buried under a dime of blow in the mens's room at Nobu. Whatever it takes, man.

Meanwhile, Dave's just finishing up HIS pass at a rewrite on the un-named Copacabana/Latin-American-Revolutionaries/Murder-She-Wrote-Remake screenplay. He's giving the characters some much needed depth, and then will hand off to me for some further tweakage:

"Hey Charlie - what could we have eat this one chick if it isn't a giant tentacle monster? My guy says tentacle monsters are played out."

"Really? I love tentacle monsters. I dunno... lemme think..."

"Ok dude. Its yours. I'll save that part for you."

And so it goes.

Charlie


Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, script, movies, Tentacle Monsters

Meanwhile, back in the land of the lesbian/pygmy/absinth script...

Waiting.

Waiting to hear back from Producer Dude on the contracts for Siege.

Waiting to hear back from some peeps of Charlie's who are reading another script of ours.

Waiting to hear back from My Manager on the status of the TV Project of mine.

So with time to kill, it's time to turn back to our standby favorite, the aquatic cats/married siblings/Galapagos script we've written. We got back some notes from Assistant to My Manager (My Manager didn't love it, but also didn't stop Assistant to My Manager from taking a liking to it and helping with notes) and we've read them. Even had a phone call between Charlie and myself. He sounds just like Bob Balaban on the phone, it's eerie.

So I'm taking first stab. The notes are all kinda "You need more character" and "You need a different plot" and so forth, but the really big one is "Hey, you know that big reveal that you do on page 65? It should come about 30 pages earlier."

So I'm moving pivotal information into the beginning of the second act, and seeing how that changes absolutely everything else that happens.

The fun never stops.

Actually, it's a good note. And it will, indeed, add a lot of tension and conflict into an otherwise "Star Trek" world, where the characters all like each other (at first, anyway) and the conflict comes from outside. That sort of script is soooo 1993. Today, people want everyone to be flawed, everyone to fight, and everyone to get naked and dance on a severed head.

Don't they?

We'll see.

A Return To Normalcy

So after all the buzz and hubub last week, what with us getting letters of commitment from several Oscar-winning stars and all... well... ok... Oscar-nominated... ok... fine... stars who've been to Oscar parties.

Anyhow... where was I? Oh yeah... after all the buzz and hubub last week, things have settled back into the traditional routine for Siege - dead silence.

Producer Dude is off in Sierra Leone, or Haiti, or Bangladesh or some other third world country, filming his latest magnum opus. I'm pretty sure its set in New York City.

The point being, they don't really have internet, or phones, or electricity, or cars or lights or motorcars in such places, so we haven't heard from him since he left for the shoot. It'll probably be that way for another couple of weeks, so until then, expect filler posts from Dave and I. I'll probably wax poetic about kid/dog/rabbit crap, and Dave will interview a guy who was an extra in "War of the Worlds" (though his part got cut out).

We'll get a pop again soon, though, and then it'll be off to the races once again.

Charlie

An Interview with Brian Nowac - Part 2

So, like, before even more amazing news breaks on Siege, we thought we'd give y'all the second half of our interview with bmovieonline guru Brian Nowac.

So.. here it is.

**

B-Movie Writers: What's the desired budget range for your film?

Brian Nowac: I really don’t think in terms of budgets, I think in terms of profits.

Unfortunately the rest of the world wants to know about budgets, that is why B MOVIE ONLINE’s co-founder Abhi Singh is in the picture. He worries about what the budgets are, and that is also why our other co-founder Jason Clause is here. He worries about where the budgets come from.

But I’m told our budget range for production is $250k to $500k.

BMW: How are you planning on casting your film? A few more "job openings" posted on the site?

BN: Absolutely, with the exception of the production crew, all the people involved in this project will be recruited via the Internet. We have several different angles to filling the cast we will be using, all capitalizing on tools the Internet is offering.

BMW: What sort of roll-out are you anticipating for your movie? Wide release? Festivals? Straight-to-DVD?

BN: That will all depend on two things: Buzz & Eligibility. As I’m sure you know the film festivals (at least the big ones) have pretty tight restrictions on the entrees. Based on how we are promoting the film, even before it’s made we may be out of the picture for most of these festivals.

It will also depend on how big the buzz is about the picture before it’s done. If we have people beating down our doors to release the film in nationwide theatres we will.

But I anticipate a smaller release in select second run theatres across the country, followed by a major push to the online downloadable market through online paid film & video content providers like: iTunes, AOL video, and others.

BMW: Why is your site entirely on video, and not text?

BN: Times are changing, the Internet is quickly becoming the chosen entertainment medium of our target market of viewers. Our site is made to entertain and interact with people.

We want our viewers to come to our sight, see and hear someone telling them about what we are doing. We don’t want them to have to read about it.

Think about it like a reality TV show that you can watch anytime you want and even select the characters you want to follow and weed out the ones you aren’t interested in.

Or consider this: when you turn on your TV to watch the evening news, the anchorman doesn’t hold up a copy of the day’s newspaper to the camera and let you read the stories. Who said the Internet has too.

Well anyway, I say it doesn’t and BMovieOnline.com reflects that ideology.

BMW: How many takes did you need to get your intro speech down?

BN: Usually the video shoots work out pretty well. One or two cracks at it and it’s in the can. That one in particular was easy, I only had to deliver the lines once or twice everything else was done in post.

However, that is not always the case. In my most recent update I was so tired it took me about 20 attempts just to get it all out, and I still think I missed things.

BMW: You come across in the clip as very intense. A little intimidating. Was that on purpose? To scare away the pussies?

BN: I don’t want to scary anyone away, but I do want them to know I mean business. I mean, I want people to know how serious I am about making this thing work.

In reality I’m kind of a silly guy and I wanted to shake any trace of that in the first impression I gave on the web site.

BMW: You posted your wedding video to YouTube, mixed in with you and your wife lip-syncing Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing. It's actually really sweet, and you guys look shamelessly in love. Your wife is hot. That's it, no question. Just… your wife is hot. Well done.

BN: Word.

BMW: You are B Movie Online. Are you worried of becoming too successful and having to change your name?

BN: No, B Movies are worried about me becoming too successful and having to up their standards.

BMW: What's your dream scenario coming out of this?

BN: I want paparazzi to take pictures of my crotch as I get out of cars.

BMW: Finally, what's one thing you want people to know about B Movie Online?

BN: I want them to know that they aren’t cool unless they check it out at least once a week.

BMW: And really finally, you guys are bmovieonline.com. We're bmoviewriters.com. Is it just me, or is that a match made in heaven?

BN: If our accountant says we can file jointly and save money, I’m up for anything.

**

There ya go, I hope you enjoyed this peek inside the mind of a Big Time San Francisco Movie Producer.

And for the record, his wife IS hot.

More Breaking News...

I hate that we're now pushing off Part II of Dave's interview with Brian from BMovie Online one more day, but we have another round of late breaking Siege news.

This just in...

Producer Dude emailed us both yesterday, with a scanned copy of ANOTHER signed letter of intent, from another BIG NAME ACTOR.

For those of you keeping score at home, that's like... well... two big name actors!

Now, assuming the movie ever gets made, and they end up actually showing up to the set, this could be fantastic. But it'll also carry some challenges we'll eventually have to address.

Presumably, we can only afford Big Name Actors for a finite period of time. They aren't cheap, but Siege's budget is. So... when we originally wrote the movie, we anticipated one such role. Now... one of our Big Name Actors would be killer for a lead role - the main villain. If we can afford him for that long. The other Big Name Actor would play the "cameo" type role.

However... if we can't get the guy who'd be great for a villain for a long enough period of time... or if Producer Dude lands a THIRD Big Name Actor he's courting, well... then Dave and I get to do rewrites and pull magical roles out of our butts for these guys.

Don't get me wrong. We can do it... and it'll be fun. Hell, I hope we HAVE to do it... but that's the next challenge that could be on the horizon.

Hrmmmm... what kind of lead-but-able-to-shoot-in-a-day role would YOU write in a shoot-em-up action flick for a handsome British thespian, best known for his rogue charm and foppish good looks, when he usually plays in romantic comedies opposite Renee Zelwegger?

Charlie

P.S. Dave's pointed out that people could apparently misconstrue my comments to imply that Hugh Grant is somehow involved with Siege. I apologize for any confusion. I'm clearly referring to [NAME REMOVED FROM THIS POST BY ORDER OF CAA].


Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, script, movies

We Interupt this Interview...

We'll get back to part 2 of our kick-ass interview with Brian Nowac next week, but first, we wanted to spout off this hot, late-breaking Siege news.

The engines are rumbling.

We're actually tugging back and forth over details in the new contract (like where to place the decimal point in our fee), but are making serious headway to an agreement that will set Charlie and myself up financially for a week.

Meanwhile, Producer Dude has pitched Siege to some money people, and the money people have responded positively. They want to see the script, but that's not an issue, because in this world, if the script has a coherent beginning, middle, and end (or at least a coherent beginning and middle) they're on board.

But most impressively, a Big Name Talent has agreed to do the film!

This is a Talent that you have heard of, and not just "Hmm.. oh yeah! They played second cop #3 in one of the Earnest Goes to X movies." But someone who will make you go "Oh! Really! Like, really? Siege? Katie Holmes must be draining his pocketbook something fierce!" There's even a signed letter of intent, which reads something like:

"Dear Anonymous Casting Agent/Producer. As the Agent for Big Name Talent, I'm recommending that Big Name Talent do the project Siege pending availability."

And it's on Big Agency Stationary. All very impressive.

We're jacked.

Not sure what role Big Name Talent would play, since none of our characters speak with an Austrian accent. But hey, if they can get away from the Statehouse, we'll work around their schedule.

And maybe Big Name Talent can convince their much-younger, equally famous spouse to do the film as well, as long as they promise not to punk anyone.

We rock!