Waiting.
Waiting to hear back from Producer Dude on the contracts for Siege.
Waiting to hear back from some peeps of Charlie's who are reading another script of ours.
Waiting to hear back from My Manager on the status of the TV Project of mine.
So with time to kill, it's time to turn back to our standby favorite, the aquatic cats/married siblings/Galapagos script we've written. We got back some notes from Assistant to My Manager (My Manager didn't love it, but also didn't stop Assistant to My Manager from taking a liking to it and helping with notes) and we've read them. Even had a phone call between Charlie and myself. He sounds just like Bob Balaban on the phone, it's eerie.
So I'm taking first stab. The notes are all kinda "You need more character" and "You need a different plot" and so forth, but the really big one is "Hey, you know that big reveal that you do on page 65? It should come about 30 pages earlier."
So I'm moving pivotal information into the beginning of the second act, and seeing how that changes absolutely everything else that happens.
The fun never stops.
Actually, it's a good note. And it will, indeed, add a lot of tension and conflict into an otherwise "Star Trek" world, where the characters all like each other (at first, anyway) and the conflict comes from outside. That sort of script is soooo 1993. Today, people want everyone to be flawed, everyone to fight, and everyone to get naked and dance on a severed head.
Don't they?
We'll see.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
A Return To Normalcy
So after all the buzz and hubub last week, what with us getting letters of commitment from several Oscar-winning stars and all... well... ok... Oscar-nominated... ok... fine... stars who've been to Oscar parties.
Anyhow... where was I? Oh yeah... after all the buzz and hubub last week, things have settled back into the traditional routine for Siege - dead silence.
Producer Dude is off in Sierra Leone, or Haiti, or Bangladesh or some other third world country, filming his latest magnum opus. I'm pretty sure its set in New York City.
The point being, they don't really have internet, or phones, or electricity, or cars or lights or motorcars in such places, so we haven't heard from him since he left for the shoot. It'll probably be that way for another couple of weeks, so until then, expect filler posts from Dave and I. I'll probably wax poetic about kid/dog/rabbit crap, and Dave will interview a guy who was an extra in "War of the Worlds" (though his part got cut out).
We'll get a pop again soon, though, and then it'll be off to the races once again.
Charlie
Anyhow... where was I? Oh yeah... after all the buzz and hubub last week, things have settled back into the traditional routine for Siege - dead silence.
Producer Dude is off in Sierra Leone, or Haiti, or Bangladesh or some other third world country, filming his latest magnum opus. I'm pretty sure its set in New York City.
The point being, they don't really have internet, or phones, or electricity, or cars or lights or motorcars in such places, so we haven't heard from him since he left for the shoot. It'll probably be that way for another couple of weeks, so until then, expect filler posts from Dave and I. I'll probably wax poetic about kid/dog/rabbit crap, and Dave will interview a guy who was an extra in "War of the Worlds" (though his part got cut out).
We'll get a pop again soon, though, and then it'll be off to the races once again.
Charlie
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
An Interview with Brian Nowac - Part 2
So, like, before even more amazing news breaks on Siege, we thought we'd give y'all the second half of our interview with bmovieonline guru Brian Nowac.
So.. here it is.
**
B-Movie Writers: What's the desired budget range for your film?
Brian Nowac: I really don’t think in terms of budgets, I think in terms of profits.
Unfortunately the rest of the world wants to know about budgets, that is why B MOVIE ONLINE’s co-founder Abhi Singh is in the picture. He worries about what the budgets are, and that is also why our other co-founder Jason Clause is here. He worries about where the budgets come from.
But I’m told our budget range for production is $250k to $500k.
BMW: How are you planning on casting your film? A few more "job openings" posted on the site?
BN: Absolutely, with the exception of the production crew, all the people involved in this project will be recruited via the Internet. We have several different angles to filling the cast we will be using, all capitalizing on tools the Internet is offering.
BMW: What sort of roll-out are you anticipating for your movie? Wide release? Festivals? Straight-to-DVD?
BN: That will all depend on two things: Buzz & Eligibility. As I’m sure you know the film festivals (at least the big ones) have pretty tight restrictions on the entrees. Based on how we are promoting the film, even before it’s made we may be out of the picture for most of these festivals.
It will also depend on how big the buzz is about the picture before it’s done. If we have people beating down our doors to release the film in nationwide theatres we will.
But I anticipate a smaller release in select second run theatres across the country, followed by a major push to the online downloadable market through online paid film & video content providers like: iTunes, AOL video, and others.
BMW: Why is your site entirely on video, and not text?
BN: Times are changing, the Internet is quickly becoming the chosen entertainment medium of our target market of viewers. Our site is made to entertain and interact with people.
We want our viewers to come to our sight, see and hear someone telling them about what we are doing. We don’t want them to have to read about it.
Think about it like a reality TV show that you can watch anytime you want and even select the characters you want to follow and weed out the ones you aren’t interested in.
Or consider this: when you turn on your TV to watch the evening news, the anchorman doesn’t hold up a copy of the day’s newspaper to the camera and let you read the stories. Who said the Internet has too.
Well anyway, I say it doesn’t and BMovieOnline.com reflects that ideology.
BMW: How many takes did you need to get your intro speech down?
BN: Usually the video shoots work out pretty well. One or two cracks at it and it’s in the can. That one in particular was easy, I only had to deliver the lines once or twice everything else was done in post.
However, that is not always the case. In my most recent update I was so tired it took me about 20 attempts just to get it all out, and I still think I missed things.
BMW: You come across in the clip as very intense. A little intimidating. Was that on purpose? To scare away the pussies?
BN: I don’t want to scary anyone away, but I do want them to know I mean business. I mean, I want people to know how serious I am about making this thing work.
In reality I’m kind of a silly guy and I wanted to shake any trace of that in the first impression I gave on the web site.
BMW: You posted your wedding video to YouTube, mixed in with you and your wife lip-syncing Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing. It's actually really sweet, and you guys look shamelessly in love. Your wife is hot. That's it, no question. Just… your wife is hot. Well done.
BN: Word.
BMW: You are B Movie Online. Are you worried of becoming too successful and having to change your name?
BN: No, B Movies are worried about me becoming too successful and having to up their standards.
BMW: What's your dream scenario coming out of this?
BN: I want paparazzi to take pictures of my crotch as I get out of cars.
BMW: Finally, what's one thing you want people to know about B Movie Online?
BN: I want them to know that they aren’t cool unless they check it out at least once a week.
BMW: And really finally, you guys are bmovieonline.com. We're bmoviewriters.com. Is it just me, or is that a match made in heaven?
BN: If our accountant says we can file jointly and save money, I’m up for anything.
**
There ya go, I hope you enjoyed this peek inside the mind of a Big Time San Francisco Movie Producer.
And for the record, his wife IS hot.
So.. here it is.
**
B-Movie Writers: What's the desired budget range for your film?
Brian Nowac: I really don’t think in terms of budgets, I think in terms of profits.
Unfortunately the rest of the world wants to know about budgets, that is why B MOVIE ONLINE’s co-founder Abhi Singh is in the picture. He worries about what the budgets are, and that is also why our other co-founder Jason Clause is here. He worries about where the budgets come from.
But I’m told our budget range for production is $250k to $500k.
BMW: How are you planning on casting your film? A few more "job openings" posted on the site?
BN: Absolutely, with the exception of the production crew, all the people involved in this project will be recruited via the Internet. We have several different angles to filling the cast we will be using, all capitalizing on tools the Internet is offering.
BMW: What sort of roll-out are you anticipating for your movie? Wide release? Festivals? Straight-to-DVD?
BN: That will all depend on two things: Buzz & Eligibility. As I’m sure you know the film festivals (at least the big ones) have pretty tight restrictions on the entrees. Based on how we are promoting the film, even before it’s made we may be out of the picture for most of these festivals.
It will also depend on how big the buzz is about the picture before it’s done. If we have people beating down our doors to release the film in nationwide theatres we will.
But I anticipate a smaller release in select second run theatres across the country, followed by a major push to the online downloadable market through online paid film & video content providers like: iTunes, AOL video, and others.
BMW: Why is your site entirely on video, and not text?
BN: Times are changing, the Internet is quickly becoming the chosen entertainment medium of our target market of viewers. Our site is made to entertain and interact with people.
We want our viewers to come to our sight, see and hear someone telling them about what we are doing. We don’t want them to have to read about it.
Think about it like a reality TV show that you can watch anytime you want and even select the characters you want to follow and weed out the ones you aren’t interested in.
Or consider this: when you turn on your TV to watch the evening news, the anchorman doesn’t hold up a copy of the day’s newspaper to the camera and let you read the stories. Who said the Internet has too.
Well anyway, I say it doesn’t and BMovieOnline.com reflects that ideology.
BMW: How many takes did you need to get your intro speech down?
BN: Usually the video shoots work out pretty well. One or two cracks at it and it’s in the can. That one in particular was easy, I only had to deliver the lines once or twice everything else was done in post.
However, that is not always the case. In my most recent update I was so tired it took me about 20 attempts just to get it all out, and I still think I missed things.
BMW: You come across in the clip as very intense. A little intimidating. Was that on purpose? To scare away the pussies?
BN: I don’t want to scary anyone away, but I do want them to know I mean business. I mean, I want people to know how serious I am about making this thing work.
In reality I’m kind of a silly guy and I wanted to shake any trace of that in the first impression I gave on the web site.
BMW: You posted your wedding video to YouTube, mixed in with you and your wife lip-syncing Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing. It's actually really sweet, and you guys look shamelessly in love. Your wife is hot. That's it, no question. Just… your wife is hot. Well done.
BN: Word.
BMW: You are B Movie Online. Are you worried of becoming too successful and having to change your name?
BN: No, B Movies are worried about me becoming too successful and having to up their standards.
BMW: What's your dream scenario coming out of this?
BN: I want paparazzi to take pictures of my crotch as I get out of cars.
BMW: Finally, what's one thing you want people to know about B Movie Online?
BN: I want them to know that they aren’t cool unless they check it out at least once a week.
BMW: And really finally, you guys are bmovieonline.com. We're bmoviewriters.com. Is it just me, or is that a match made in heaven?
BN: If our accountant says we can file jointly and save money, I’m up for anything.
**
There ya go, I hope you enjoyed this peek inside the mind of a Big Time San Francisco Movie Producer.
And for the record, his wife IS hot.
Monday, March 12, 2007
More Breaking News...
I hate that we're now pushing off Part II of Dave's interview with Brian from BMovie Online one more day, but we have another round of late breaking Siege news.
This just in...
Producer Dude emailed us both yesterday, with a scanned copy of ANOTHER signed letter of intent, from another BIG NAME ACTOR.
For those of you keeping score at home, that's like... well... two big name actors!
Now, assuming the movie ever gets made, and they end up actually showing up to the set, this could be fantastic. But it'll also carry some challenges we'll eventually have to address.
Presumably, we can only afford Big Name Actors for a finite period of time. They aren't cheap, but Siege's budget is. So... when we originally wrote the movie, we anticipated one such role. Now... one of our Big Name Actors would be killer for a lead role - the main villain. If we can afford him for that long. The other Big Name Actor would play the "cameo" type role.
However... if we can't get the guy who'd be great for a villain for a long enough period of time... or if Producer Dude lands a THIRD Big Name Actor he's courting, well... then Dave and I get to do rewrites and pull magical roles out of our butts for these guys.
Don't get me wrong. We can do it... and it'll be fun. Hell, I hope we HAVE to do it... but that's the next challenge that could be on the horizon.
Hrmmmm... what kind of lead-but-able-to-shoot-in-a-day role would YOU write in a shoot-em-up action flick for a handsome British thespian, best known for his rogue charm and foppish good looks, when he usually plays in romantic comedies opposite Renee Zelwegger?
Charlie
P.S. Dave's pointed out that people could apparently misconstrue my comments to imply that Hugh Grant is somehow involved with Siege. I apologize for any confusion. I'm clearly referring to [NAME REMOVED FROM THIS POST BY ORDER OF CAA].
Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, script, movies
This just in...
Producer Dude emailed us both yesterday, with a scanned copy of ANOTHER signed letter of intent, from another BIG NAME ACTOR.
For those of you keeping score at home, that's like... well... two big name actors!
Now, assuming the movie ever gets made, and they end up actually showing up to the set, this could be fantastic. But it'll also carry some challenges we'll eventually have to address.
Presumably, we can only afford Big Name Actors for a finite period of time. They aren't cheap, but Siege's budget is. So... when we originally wrote the movie, we anticipated one such role. Now... one of our Big Name Actors would be killer for a lead role - the main villain. If we can afford him for that long. The other Big Name Actor would play the "cameo" type role.
However... if we can't get the guy who'd be great for a villain for a long enough period of time... or if Producer Dude lands a THIRD Big Name Actor he's courting, well... then Dave and I get to do rewrites and pull magical roles out of our butts for these guys.
Don't get me wrong. We can do it... and it'll be fun. Hell, I hope we HAVE to do it... but that's the next challenge that could be on the horizon.
Hrmmmm... what kind of lead-but-able-to-shoot-in-a-day role would YOU write in a shoot-em-up action flick for a handsome British thespian, best known for his rogue charm and foppish good looks, when he usually plays in romantic comedies opposite Renee Zelwegger?
Charlie
P.S. Dave's pointed out that people could apparently misconstrue my comments to imply that Hugh Grant is somehow involved with Siege. I apologize for any confusion. I'm clearly referring to [NAME REMOVED FROM THIS POST BY ORDER OF CAA].
Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, script, movies
Friday, March 09, 2007
We Interupt this Interview...
We'll get back to part 2 of our kick-ass interview with Brian Nowac next week, but first, we wanted to spout off this hot, late-breaking Siege news.
The engines are rumbling.
We're actually tugging back and forth over details in the new contract (like where to place the decimal point in our fee), but are making serious headway to an agreement that will set Charlie and myself up financially for a week.
Meanwhile, Producer Dude has pitched Siege to some money people, and the money people have responded positively. They want to see the script, but that's not an issue, because in this world, if the script has a coherent beginning, middle, and end (or at least a coherent beginning and middle) they're on board.
But most impressively, a Big Name Talent has agreed to do the film!
This is a Talent that you have heard of, and not just "Hmm.. oh yeah! They played second cop #3 in one of the Earnest Goes to X movies." But someone who will make you go "Oh! Really! Like, really? Siege? Katie Holmes must be draining his pocketbook something fierce!" There's even a signed letter of intent, which reads something like:
"Dear Anonymous Casting Agent/Producer. As the Agent for Big Name Talent, I'm recommending that Big Name Talent do the project Siege pending availability."
And it's on Big Agency Stationary. All very impressive.
We're jacked.
Not sure what role Big Name Talent would play, since none of our characters speak with an Austrian accent. But hey, if they can get away from the Statehouse, we'll work around their schedule.
And maybe Big Name Talent can convince their much-younger, equally famous spouse to do the film as well, as long as they promise not to punk anyone.
We rock!
The engines are rumbling.
We're actually tugging back and forth over details in the new contract (like where to place the decimal point in our fee), but are making serious headway to an agreement that will set Charlie and myself up financially for a week.
Meanwhile, Producer Dude has pitched Siege to some money people, and the money people have responded positively. They want to see the script, but that's not an issue, because in this world, if the script has a coherent beginning, middle, and end (or at least a coherent beginning and middle) they're on board.
But most impressively, a Big Name Talent has agreed to do the film!
This is a Talent that you have heard of, and not just "Hmm.. oh yeah! They played second cop #3 in one of the Earnest Goes to X movies." But someone who will make you go "Oh! Really! Like, really? Siege? Katie Holmes must be draining his pocketbook something fierce!" There's even a signed letter of intent, which reads something like:
"Dear Anonymous Casting Agent/Producer. As the Agent for Big Name Talent, I'm recommending that Big Name Talent do the project Siege pending availability."
And it's on Big Agency Stationary. All very impressive.
We're jacked.
Not sure what role Big Name Talent would play, since none of our characters speak with an Austrian accent. But hey, if they can get away from the Statehouse, we'll work around their schedule.
And maybe Big Name Talent can convince their much-younger, equally famous spouse to do the film as well, as long as they promise not to punk anyone.
We rock!
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Interview with Brian Nowac - Part One
After our successful interview with Gordy Hoffman, and the news of all the free press and publicity it brought him, we have become inundated with requests from some of the top people in show business.
It's the best of both worlds right now, as we pick and choose who to bless with this incredible opportunity. We wanted our next interview subject to be someone exciting, revolutionary, and incredible. And desperate for publicity. So we, bmoviewriters.com, hooked up with bmovieonline.com. At first, it was, well, Charlie entered our new URL wrong. But Dude! There's someone there! So we interviewed them. Specifically, Brian Nowac, the head cheese himself.
It was such an incredible interview, that we're chopping it up into two posts. We'll post part 2 later in the week, after both of you have had a chance to read part 1.
Who is Brian Nowac? What is http://www.bmovieonline.com? Well, they're kinda, sorta a screenwriting competition. But not really. They're making a movie, and they want to make YOUR movie. And they, well, damn it, I'll let Brian tell you.
**
B-Movie Writers: Brian, thanks for taking the time out of your busy life as a big time San Francisco Movie Producer to talk to a couple of lowly bloggers.
Brian Nowac: Lowly? Come on guys, don’t be so hard on yourself. This is a B Movie blog right, which only makes you “Second Class” not bottom of the barrel.
BMW: In your own words, what is B Movie Online?
BN: BMovieOnline.com is not just a website, it’s a revolutionary communication web site totally driven by video vs. text, it’s an interactive video portal to the behind the-scenes world of an independent feature film.
With our web site, B MOVIE ONLINE is set to challenge the film studio model, open doors and break down the walls of the Hollywood mansion.
In short, B MOVIE ONLINE will use nontraditional film production, financing, Internet buzz and cyber communities, and get undiscovered talent off computer desktops and onto the big screens.
BMW: OK, that sounded like someone else's words. Maybe a publicist. How about, "What is B Movie Online?" in 20 words or less.
BN: It’s a kick ass idea that uses all the tools available on the Internet to develop untapped talent desperate to be a part of the film industry and gives them the exposure they need to become a part of it.
BMW: That was 40.
BN: Okay try this: B MOVIE ONLINE is a gateway into the film industry for America’s undiscovered talent in writing, acting and film production.
BMW: How did you get your start in show business?
BN: Lip sinking to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” album on the couch in my parent’s living room!
Actually performing is not really where my interest lay, I’m a behind the camera man at heart.
I started making short movies with video cameras and toys as a kid. In high school, it became video cameras and friends in the movies.
Then I went to college and got some “formal education”. I graduated with a BA in Mass Media Communication, and immediately moved out to LA to sign the “Rich-n-Famous Contract”.
That was about 10-years ago, apparently my contract got lost in the mail.
BMW: What makes you qualified to make a movie? Aside from, you know, having money.
BN: Actually, personally I don’t have any money. I’m broke as a joke. Any I do have gets rolled directly back into one of my two company’s; either B MOVIE ONLINE, or BARS+TONE Productions (www.bars-tone.com).
BARS+TONE is an established production company here is San Francisco that I co-own with two other people. We do predominantly corporate work, to pay the bills, but we do it well working for big business like GAP, Sephora, Chevron and Circulon.
It’s really been at BARS+TONE that I have honed my skills in production. I came on board here in 2004 and since then have worked on well over 100 different projects of varying size, type and genre.
It has also been at BARS+TONE that I have sharpened my skills and knowledge of PR, Marketing and Advertising. Which are all key elements in what makes B MOVIE ONLINE work.
BMW: On your website, http://www.bmovieonline.com, you advertise an opening for a script writer. What does the job pay? Does it come with benefits? 401k? Guaranteed spot on the softball team?
BN: Short answer:
Yes, Yes, No, Kinda (we got a kickball team, or we would if I had any time to register us in a league)
Long answer:
Pay? Yes, the writer we bring onto our team will be given a paid contract & script option to join our team. The Contract/Option will be based on their experience and the required budget to complete their script. Its percentage based as well, so more than likely the chosen applicant will make substantially more than they would through the traditional option process.
We at B MOVIE ONLINE appreciate what goes into writing a script and want to be sure the writer gets their payout.
Bene’s? You damn right, sex, drugs and Rock’n’Roll. Not to mention B MOVIE ONLINE is all about exposure, as you can see everyone involved with us, gets their own little opportunity to promote themselves in a big way.
401K? Not yet, but if I get my way, everyone involved with B MOVIE ONLINE will have their own retirement fund in the bank when we’re finished with this film.
Softball? Not yet, like I said we got a kickball team, or we would if I had any time to register us in a league
BMW: Why have you turned to the World Wide Web to find a script? Why not comb random local college screenwriting classes?
BN: I’m open to accepting applications from college students; I’m open to accepting applications from anyone… I would rather get something and tell someone “No,” than miss out on the next Neil Simon.
But frankly, I could get a script just about anywhere. We decided to do the Script Writer Search as a means to a) discover some unknown talent and b) to attract attention to our site.
One of our goals is to develop an audience that already has time vested in the idea by the time the film is actually released.
We’re basically “stacking the deck” in a sense.
BMW: Do you plan to use the script that is submitted, or are you looking for a writer who will write from an original idea of yours?
BN: I’m looking to find someone who has written a good script, something I can sink my teeth into. I would love to develop a good relationship with our chosen writer and work on future projects with them as well. But for this time around, I want what’s in their heart, and I want to bring it to the big screen.
BMW: What are you really looking for in a script? You claim to want a comedy, romantic comedy, or a suspense/thriller. Why not horror? Ketchup is pretty cheap these days, and since horror usually takes place at night, you'd save on lighting.
BN: I have no problem with Horror. Shit, nothing sells like it from a low budget perspective.
But, again I don’t want to miss out on that script that would be perfect for our project just because I limited the genre. I don’t want to limit our selection at all.
Horror scripts welcome! Hell, I’ll do a Christmas movie if the script is good. In fact, I’d love to do a Christmas movie, I love Christmas!
BMW: As any writer will tell you, the hardest part is getting your script into the right hands. You may have written the best lesbian/tort reform thriller, but it's worthless unless someone reads it who wants to make a lesbian/tort reform thriller. Here you come, like a knight in shining armor, ready to pluck a scribe from obscurity and help them taste the sweet smell of success. My question is: would you be interested in a lesbian/tort reform thriller?
BN: A lesbian/tort reform thriller, I haven’t read a script for one yet, but I wouldn’t be apposed to it. Being a “Lesbian” is a very “in” thing these days. I think a flick like this would do well.
**
There you are, words of wisdom from Brian Nowac, head cheese at bmovieonline.com. Check back later in the week for part 2. In the meantime, start working on those hot lesbian/tort reform thrillers!
It's the best of both worlds right now, as we pick and choose who to bless with this incredible opportunity. We wanted our next interview subject to be someone exciting, revolutionary, and incredible. And desperate for publicity. So we, bmoviewriters.com, hooked up with bmovieonline.com. At first, it was, well, Charlie entered our new URL wrong. But Dude! There's someone there! So we interviewed them. Specifically, Brian Nowac, the head cheese himself.
It was such an incredible interview, that we're chopping it up into two posts. We'll post part 2 later in the week, after both of you have had a chance to read part 1.
Who is Brian Nowac? What is http://www.bmovieonline.com? Well, they're kinda, sorta a screenwriting competition. But not really. They're making a movie, and they want to make YOUR movie. And they, well, damn it, I'll let Brian tell you.
**
B-Movie Writers: Brian, thanks for taking the time out of your busy life as a big time San Francisco Movie Producer to talk to a couple of lowly bloggers.
Brian Nowac: Lowly? Come on guys, don’t be so hard on yourself. This is a B Movie blog right, which only makes you “Second Class” not bottom of the barrel.
BMW: In your own words, what is B Movie Online?
BN: BMovieOnline.com is not just a website, it’s a revolutionary communication web site totally driven by video vs. text, it’s an interactive video portal to the behind the-scenes world of an independent feature film.
With our web site, B MOVIE ONLINE is set to challenge the film studio model, open doors and break down the walls of the Hollywood mansion.
In short, B MOVIE ONLINE will use nontraditional film production, financing, Internet buzz and cyber communities, and get undiscovered talent off computer desktops and onto the big screens.
BMW: OK, that sounded like someone else's words. Maybe a publicist. How about, "What is B Movie Online?" in 20 words or less.
BN: It’s a kick ass idea that uses all the tools available on the Internet to develop untapped talent desperate to be a part of the film industry and gives them the exposure they need to become a part of it.
BMW: That was 40.
BN: Okay try this: B MOVIE ONLINE is a gateway into the film industry for America’s undiscovered talent in writing, acting and film production.
BMW: How did you get your start in show business?
BN: Lip sinking to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” album on the couch in my parent’s living room!
Actually performing is not really where my interest lay, I’m a behind the camera man at heart.
I started making short movies with video cameras and toys as a kid. In high school, it became video cameras and friends in the movies.
Then I went to college and got some “formal education”. I graduated with a BA in Mass Media Communication, and immediately moved out to LA to sign the “Rich-n-Famous Contract”.
That was about 10-years ago, apparently my contract got lost in the mail.
BMW: What makes you qualified to make a movie? Aside from, you know, having money.
BN: Actually, personally I don’t have any money. I’m broke as a joke. Any I do have gets rolled directly back into one of my two company’s; either B MOVIE ONLINE, or BARS+TONE Productions (www.bars-tone.com).
BARS+TONE is an established production company here is San Francisco that I co-own with two other people. We do predominantly corporate work, to pay the bills, but we do it well working for big business like GAP, Sephora, Chevron and Circulon.
It’s really been at BARS+TONE that I have honed my skills in production. I came on board here in 2004 and since then have worked on well over 100 different projects of varying size, type and genre.
It has also been at BARS+TONE that I have sharpened my skills and knowledge of PR, Marketing and Advertising. Which are all key elements in what makes B MOVIE ONLINE work.
BMW: On your website, http://www.bmovieonline.com, you advertise an opening for a script writer. What does the job pay? Does it come with benefits? 401k? Guaranteed spot on the softball team?
BN: Short answer:
Yes, Yes, No, Kinda (we got a kickball team, or we would if I had any time to register us in a league)
Long answer:
Pay? Yes, the writer we bring onto our team will be given a paid contract & script option to join our team. The Contract/Option will be based on their experience and the required budget to complete their script. Its percentage based as well, so more than likely the chosen applicant will make substantially more than they would through the traditional option process.
We at B MOVIE ONLINE appreciate what goes into writing a script and want to be sure the writer gets their payout.
Bene’s? You damn right, sex, drugs and Rock’n’Roll. Not to mention B MOVIE ONLINE is all about exposure, as you can see everyone involved with us, gets their own little opportunity to promote themselves in a big way.
401K? Not yet, but if I get my way, everyone involved with B MOVIE ONLINE will have their own retirement fund in the bank when we’re finished with this film.
Softball? Not yet, like I said we got a kickball team, or we would if I had any time to register us in a league
BMW: Why have you turned to the World Wide Web to find a script? Why not comb random local college screenwriting classes?
BN: I’m open to accepting applications from college students; I’m open to accepting applications from anyone… I would rather get something and tell someone “No,” than miss out on the next Neil Simon.
But frankly, I could get a script just about anywhere. We decided to do the Script Writer Search as a means to a) discover some unknown talent and b) to attract attention to our site.
One of our goals is to develop an audience that already has time vested in the idea by the time the film is actually released.
We’re basically “stacking the deck” in a sense.
BMW: Do you plan to use the script that is submitted, or are you looking for a writer who will write from an original idea of yours?
BN: I’m looking to find someone who has written a good script, something I can sink my teeth into. I would love to develop a good relationship with our chosen writer and work on future projects with them as well. But for this time around, I want what’s in their heart, and I want to bring it to the big screen.
BMW: What are you really looking for in a script? You claim to want a comedy, romantic comedy, or a suspense/thriller. Why not horror? Ketchup is pretty cheap these days, and since horror usually takes place at night, you'd save on lighting.
BN: I have no problem with Horror. Shit, nothing sells like it from a low budget perspective.
But, again I don’t want to miss out on that script that would be perfect for our project just because I limited the genre. I don’t want to limit our selection at all.
Horror scripts welcome! Hell, I’ll do a Christmas movie if the script is good. In fact, I’d love to do a Christmas movie, I love Christmas!
BMW: As any writer will tell you, the hardest part is getting your script into the right hands. You may have written the best lesbian/tort reform thriller, but it's worthless unless someone reads it who wants to make a lesbian/tort reform thriller. Here you come, like a knight in shining armor, ready to pluck a scribe from obscurity and help them taste the sweet smell of success. My question is: would you be interested in a lesbian/tort reform thriller?
BN: A lesbian/tort reform thriller, I haven’t read a script for one yet, but I wouldn’t be apposed to it. Being a “Lesbian” is a very “in” thing these days. I think a flick like this would do well.
**
There you are, words of wisdom from Brian Nowac, head cheese at bmovieonline.com. Check back later in the week for part 2. In the meantime, start working on those hot lesbian/tort reform thrillers!
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
When Self-Doubt Attacks
Last night I was giving my Mom the update on Siege. The Big Company. Producer Dude. May/June start date. Blah blah blah. In classic Mom fashion, she responded with amazement at our roller-coaster ride.
"My goodness, Charlie. After all this craziness and waiting, I sure hope its good when it finally comes out!"
Which, of course, immediately sent me spiraling into a self-flagellating tailspin of doubt and worry.
I mean... the screenplay's now been read by enough outside parties that I believe it reads halfway decent. Its no Citizen Kane, God knows, but its got the making of a fun, exciting action flick.
But who knows how it might play out on screen. Even if it were produced by Michael Bay, some of the banter between characters could come off as cheesy, not cheeky, once projected. The big action sequences that to us are supposed to feel claustrophobic could instead feel just... small. Our heroes and characters could come out not feeling "larger than life," but more... "dumber than sticks."
And even if the script IS good to go, there's so much else that can go wrong. Bad directing. Bad acting. Bad editing. Bad post. I mean... we have helicopters blowing up here... and since I know that Producer Dude ain't buying helicopters to blow up, one bad CGI artist could screw us.
I've seen Producer Dude's other work. He's got some good, fun stuff out there. And then again... some of its... you know... not so much any of that. Luckily, the more recent stuff seems stronger than the older. He's on a roll.
Still... what happens a year from now if, against all odds, this thing finally gets shot and sees the light of day? I cringe thinking about the posts on this site from Tim or Grubber or Eric somewhere down the road that're like... "YOU MOTHERF**KERS! I WANT THE $15.99 I WASTED ON THE PIECE OF CELLULOID ASS KNOWN AS THE SIEGE DVD BACK!!"
In calmer, more lucid moments I realize that a script is like a child. You try to raise it the best you can - instill good values, teach it right, and give it lots of love.
And if it grows up to be a meth-dealing, glue-sniffing, satan-worshipping, sodomist street-walker crackwhore... well... you can at least know you did everything possible.
I send you into the world a babe, Siege. Come back to me a man.
- Charlie
Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, script, movies
"My goodness, Charlie. After all this craziness and waiting, I sure hope its good when it finally comes out!"
Which, of course, immediately sent me spiraling into a self-flagellating tailspin of doubt and worry.
I mean... the screenplay's now been read by enough outside parties that I believe it reads halfway decent. Its no Citizen Kane, God knows, but its got the making of a fun, exciting action flick.
But who knows how it might play out on screen. Even if it were produced by Michael Bay, some of the banter between characters could come off as cheesy, not cheeky, once projected. The big action sequences that to us are supposed to feel claustrophobic could instead feel just... small. Our heroes and characters could come out not feeling "larger than life," but more... "dumber than sticks."
And even if the script IS good to go, there's so much else that can go wrong. Bad directing. Bad acting. Bad editing. Bad post. I mean... we have helicopters blowing up here... and since I know that Producer Dude ain't buying helicopters to blow up, one bad CGI artist could screw us.
I've seen Producer Dude's other work. He's got some good, fun stuff out there. And then again... some of its... you know... not so much any of that. Luckily, the more recent stuff seems stronger than the older. He's on a roll.
Still... what happens a year from now if, against all odds, this thing finally gets shot and sees the light of day? I cringe thinking about the posts on this site from Tim or Grubber or Eric somewhere down the road that're like... "YOU MOTHERF**KERS! I WANT THE $15.99 I WASTED ON THE PIECE OF CELLULOID ASS KNOWN AS THE SIEGE DVD BACK!!"
In calmer, more lucid moments I realize that a script is like a child. You try to raise it the best you can - instill good values, teach it right, and give it lots of love.
And if it grows up to be a meth-dealing, glue-sniffing, satan-worshipping, sodomist street-walker crackwhore... well... you can at least know you did everything possible.
I send you into the world a babe, Siege. Come back to me a man.
- Charlie
Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, script, movies
Easy Come... Easy Go.
Well... here we are, back at the beginning. Nearly a year and 1/2 from when we kicked off this blog... shortly after starting work on Siege.
Since then its been conceptually optioned by Producer Dude. Gone into pseudo pre-pro. Stalled while waiting funding. Sat stagnant while awaiting funding. Melted on the ground in a puddle while waiting for funding. Another BIG NAME company expressed interest. Read it. Liked it. So we pulled it from Producer Dude (with his blessing) while they thought about it. Thought about it some more. Thought about it even more. Thought about it one last time. Took a pass. Untook the pass while they re-thought thinking about it. Took a final pass.
And then we sold it back to Producer Dude. For more money than the original agreement. That Dave... he's a freakin' negotiating genius.
As regular reader, and friend of the BMovie Writers perfectly phrased it: "Long live Producer Dude! I thought he wasn't going to make the third act..."
But make the third act, he has. He's back, with renewed passion and vigor. Contracts are being re-signed. Monies are being mailed. Things are happening. Who knows... I always saw Dave and I as the heroes of this tale. Sort of a post-modern Laurel & Hardy meets John McClane and Zeus Carver (I'd be Zeus). But maybe I was wrong. Maybe he and I are the supporting characters and Producer Dude is freakin' George Custer, riding in with his hands raised high, tightly clutching a rifle in one, and money and contracts in the other.
Regardless, Producer Dude's currently working on another flick which should wrap up in May, if I understand correctly, and he'll then be turning his attention to Siege. He's mentioned a May/June start date.
So... we sit back and wait some more. A zillion things could happen between now and then to cause Siege to STILL not get made. If there's one thing I've learned over the last 18+ months, its that I shouldn't bank on the movie being complete until I have a final check in one hand and a DVD in the other.
Frankly, at this point, Siege should be a Zombie flick. Its died and been raised from the dead more times than that nasty cat in "Pet Sematary."
- Charlie
Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, script, movies, Groundhog Day
Since then its been conceptually optioned by Producer Dude. Gone into pseudo pre-pro. Stalled while waiting funding. Sat stagnant while awaiting funding. Melted on the ground in a puddle while waiting for funding. Another BIG NAME company expressed interest. Read it. Liked it. So we pulled it from Producer Dude (with his blessing) while they thought about it. Thought about it some more. Thought about it even more. Thought about it one last time. Took a pass. Untook the pass while they re-thought thinking about it. Took a final pass.
And then we sold it back to Producer Dude. For more money than the original agreement. That Dave... he's a freakin' negotiating genius.
As regular reader, and friend of the BMovie Writers perfectly phrased it: "Long live Producer Dude! I thought he wasn't going to make the third act..."
But make the third act, he has. He's back, with renewed passion and vigor. Contracts are being re-signed. Monies are being mailed. Things are happening. Who knows... I always saw Dave and I as the heroes of this tale. Sort of a post-modern Laurel & Hardy meets John McClane and Zeus Carver (I'd be Zeus). But maybe I was wrong. Maybe he and I are the supporting characters and Producer Dude is freakin' George Custer, riding in with his hands raised high, tightly clutching a rifle in one, and money and contracts in the other.
Regardless, Producer Dude's currently working on another flick which should wrap up in May, if I understand correctly, and he'll then be turning his attention to Siege. He's mentioned a May/June start date.
So... we sit back and wait some more. A zillion things could happen between now and then to cause Siege to STILL not get made. If there's one thing I've learned over the last 18+ months, its that I shouldn't bank on the movie being complete until I have a final check in one hand and a DVD in the other.
Frankly, at this point, Siege should be a Zombie flick. Its died and been raised from the dead more times than that nasty cat in "Pet Sematary."
- Charlie
Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, script, movies, Groundhog Day
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Imitation is the ... yada yada.. Flattery.
So you've all rented my movie, The Eliminator, right?
No? What's wrong with you people! Go rent it now!
Anyway, it's a happy little story about a group of people who are taken against their will and dropped on an island and told to fight it out, last one standing wins.
More or less.
Highly original, I know. Astoundingly brilliant, I agree. But hey, it got made. Back in ought-5. (2005).
So now there's this trailer for a new film starring Stone Cold Steve Austin. The Condemned. Near as I can figure, it's about a group of people who are taken against their will and dropped on an island and told to fight it out, last one standing wins.
Hmmm. That seems so familiar.
Am I saying somebody watched my tiny, insignificant movie and said "You know, pump 40 million into this, and this is an awesome flick!"?
No. But just watching the trailer, there are some similarities.
1) The lead is a big, burly bald guy. Just like my lead.
2) They are transported to the island by helicopter, and thrown out of the helicopter while still in the air and still chained/tied up. just like in my movie.
3) The lead guy shoots down a helicopter with a rifle. Just like in my movie.
4) Groups of people are shown watching the event take place on monitors and big screen TVs. Betting on the outcome. Just like my movie.
That's just the trailer.
So let that be a lesson to us all. B-Movies aren't bad movies, they're big action blockbusters made without any budget. If you take the same damn story, pump money into it, you get a wide release.
No? What's wrong with you people! Go rent it now!
Anyway, it's a happy little story about a group of people who are taken against their will and dropped on an island and told to fight it out, last one standing wins.
More or less.
Highly original, I know. Astoundingly brilliant, I agree. But hey, it got made. Back in ought-5. (2005).
So now there's this trailer for a new film starring Stone Cold Steve Austin. The Condemned. Near as I can figure, it's about a group of people who are taken against their will and dropped on an island and told to fight it out, last one standing wins.
Hmmm. That seems so familiar.
Am I saying somebody watched my tiny, insignificant movie and said "You know, pump 40 million into this, and this is an awesome flick!"?
No. But just watching the trailer, there are some similarities.
1) The lead is a big, burly bald guy. Just like my lead.
2) They are transported to the island by helicopter, and thrown out of the helicopter while still in the air and still chained/tied up. just like in my movie.
3) The lead guy shoots down a helicopter with a rifle. Just like in my movie.
4) Groups of people are shown watching the event take place on monitors and big screen TVs. Betting on the outcome. Just like my movie.
That's just the trailer.
So let that be a lesson to us all. B-Movies aren't bad movies, they're big action blockbusters made without any budget. If you take the same damn story, pump money into it, you get a wide release.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Siege is Dead, Long Live Siege
Well Big Company passed on Siege.
I got the word from My Agent. The competing project is moving forward, so there's no space for Siege. it was a long, loving email, filled with regret and support as My Agent tried to let me know that Big Company.. ah screw it. Here's the email.
"siege dead - competing project a go"
So there you go. Now, sly businessmen that we are, Charlie and I have turned around and offered Siege to... Producer Dude. He wants it. He's got it. Claims he'll start shooting in May/June.
I'm not holding my breath. But he also claims to be sending us a small token to officially option the script. My words. His words, he's sending a "deposit."
So we're back on this bandwagon. Will Siege ever get made? Your guess is as good as mine.
But if it does get made, I weaseled a slightly larger fee for the script out of Producer Dude.
It's all about the Benjamins.
I got the word from My Agent. The competing project is moving forward, so there's no space for Siege. it was a long, loving email, filled with regret and support as My Agent tried to let me know that Big Company.. ah screw it. Here's the email.
"siege dead - competing project a go"
So there you go. Now, sly businessmen that we are, Charlie and I have turned around and offered Siege to... Producer Dude. He wants it. He's got it. Claims he'll start shooting in May/June.
I'm not holding my breath. But he also claims to be sending us a small token to officially option the script. My words. His words, he's sending a "deposit."
So we're back on this bandwagon. Will Siege ever get made? Your guess is as good as mine.
But if it does get made, I weaseled a slightly larger fee for the script out of Producer Dude.
It's all about the Benjamins.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Driven to Distraction Deux: Procrastination's Revenge
As you may recall, I’m supposed to be polishing a comedy with Dave. Unfortunately, its been slow going. Things have been busy at work, at home, etc, etc. Plus Dave’s distracted by his own writing, so he’s not busting my chops about it, which is one of the key reasons I ever get ANYTHING done.
It’s easy to get distracted in these situations. In fact, in the interest of celebrating the infernal distractions that interfere with my ability to make nay headway on this rewrite, I proudly present the following:
TOP 10 DISTRACTIONS FROM REWRITING DAVE’S COMEDY
10. Sift through the change in my pocket and try to find new Montana quarters.
9. Clean rabbit poop. Or dog poop. Or kid poop.
8. Watch America’s Funniest Videos. Yes, I admit it – I’m a closet AFV fan.
7. Watch the “good scenes” in CLOSER again and again. Natalie Portman in a thong. Yay!
6. Rake the carpet.
5. Have a drunken breakdown, shave my head, and get a belly tattoo.
4. See how many pieces of Orbit “Mojito” flavored gum I can eat in a single sitting. Mmmm. Mojito.
3. Think up cool Top Gun fighter pilot nicknames. Mine would be “Melissa.”
2. Instant message Dave repeatedly, asking if we’ve heard from his agent yet. Call repeatedly once he turns off IM.
1. Have too many drinks, pass out on the keyboard, and wake up with an embarrassing draft of Bio-Dome II.
For you other writers out there… what distracts YOU?
Charlie
Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, script, movies, distracted
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
The Ying and Yang of Hollywood
Siege news!
So I'm minding my own business, working on a freelance writing gig I picked up to get some income while I wait for the riches to pour in (FYI: I'm a really great freelance writer, interviews, reviews, what not. Hire me!) when I get the following email from My Agent.
"Big Company passed on Siege."
That was the entire email. My Agent is an Agent of Many Words. Actually, My Agent didn't even spell out Big Company, but used initials. And all lowercase. So really it was:
"bc passed on siege."
So bummer. I write back.
"Bummer. Did they say why? Are they open to other projects from Charlie and myself? You got anyone else you want to run Siege by? Cause if not, if it's just gonna sit on the shelf, then Producer Dude wants it, so we'd just as soon give it back to him. Let me know."
So I tell Charlie. He cries. I tell My Manager. My Manager doesn't really care, because My Manager is concentrating on my big TV development deal with Other Big Company. Everyone agrees that once I get the say-so from My Agent, Siege rolls back to Producer Dude.
So the reply from My Agent?
"Hold off on giving Siege back to Producer Dude, David. Big Company has another project which is similar to Siege. That's why they passed. but now Contact at Big Company isn't sure that first project is going to happen, so Siege may still be alive. He'll know more on Monday after he talks with The Guy You've All Probably Heard Of."
Except, again, all lowercase. And not quite as eloquent. My Agent is, as I've said, an Agent of few words. It was actually more:
"hold off. competing project may break down, per c. c'll talk to g y p h o monday."
Funny how the initials for Guy You've Probably Heard Of come out "gypho." Sounds like a creature starring in one of the Sci-Fi Channel Saturday Night Monster Movies.
"They thought they were going for a relaxing monorail ride. They didn't count.. on Gypho!"
So my big "Siege News!" is.. that we'll hear more on Monday. See, they passed, before they didn't pass, until they know if they can pass.
I love Hollywood.
So I'm minding my own business, working on a freelance writing gig I picked up to get some income while I wait for the riches to pour in (FYI: I'm a really great freelance writer, interviews, reviews, what not. Hire me!) when I get the following email from My Agent.
"Big Company passed on Siege."
That was the entire email. My Agent is an Agent of Many Words. Actually, My Agent didn't even spell out Big Company, but used initials. And all lowercase. So really it was:
"bc passed on siege."
So bummer. I write back.
"Bummer. Did they say why? Are they open to other projects from Charlie and myself? You got anyone else you want to run Siege by? Cause if not, if it's just gonna sit on the shelf, then Producer Dude wants it, so we'd just as soon give it back to him. Let me know."
So I tell Charlie. He cries. I tell My Manager. My Manager doesn't really care, because My Manager is concentrating on my big TV development deal with Other Big Company. Everyone agrees that once I get the say-so from My Agent, Siege rolls back to Producer Dude.
So the reply from My Agent?
"Hold off on giving Siege back to Producer Dude, David. Big Company has another project which is similar to Siege. That's why they passed. but now Contact at Big Company isn't sure that first project is going to happen, so Siege may still be alive. He'll know more on Monday after he talks with The Guy You've All Probably Heard Of."
Except, again, all lowercase. And not quite as eloquent. My Agent is, as I've said, an Agent of few words. It was actually more:
"hold off. competing project may break down, per c. c'll talk to g y p h o monday."
Funny how the initials for Guy You've Probably Heard Of come out "gypho." Sounds like a creature starring in one of the Sci-Fi Channel Saturday Night Monster Movies.
"They thought they were going for a relaxing monorail ride. They didn't count.. on Gypho!"
So my big "Siege News!" is.. that we'll hear more on Monday. See, they passed, before they didn't pass, until they know if they can pass.
I love Hollywood.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Bring the Pain
While Charlie and I wait to hear back from Big Company, and while I continue to work with Other Big Company on Big TV Project that will eventually Make Me Rich and allow Charlie to Ride My Coattails, I thought I'd talk about a little something I found both amusing and enlightening.
My Next Big Horror Project. I finished the first draft, as astute readers will know, on New Year's Eve. But before I could finish it, I had to write it. And I did one thing while writing that I've been doing more and more.
Actual research.
See, I do some nasty things to my characters. And I wanted to make sure I was being realistic. So I made a call. An old friend who works as a Physician's Assistant. Let's call him Mr. O.
Mr. O: Hello?
David: Mr. O? Dave Neilsen. How ya doing?
**pause**
Mr. O: Don't you owe me money?
David: No.
Mr. O: You sure?
David: Yes. How's it been?
Mr. O: Can I call you back?
**click**
**redial**
Mr. O: Hello?
David: Mr. O! What up!
Mr. O: (sigh) Hi, Dave.
David: So I have some questions. medical questions. Thought you could help me.
Mr. O: I suppose.
David: Mind if I run them by you?
Mr. O: This isn't really the best time-
David: If a guy got stabbed in the shoulder by the antlers of a moose, how long would he have to be in the hospital before he'd be released? And would he have a sling, or a cast, or what? Would he be able to wield a knife with that arm? Maybe after a couple of days?
**pause**
Mr. O: It depends. Did he hit any muscles when he got punctured? There're a lot of muscles up there. What sort of damage are we talking about? Why are you asking about this?
David: I'm writing something. Let's say he didn't hit any muscles. Damage is whatever lets him out of the hospital ASAP.
Mr. O: If he got lucky and the antlers missed anything vital, it becomes a simple flesh wound. He could be out in a couple of days.
David: Awesome. Would he need drugs?
Mr. O: He'd be in serious pain, so yeah. Pain killers. Good ones. Also, he probably wouldn 't have a regular sling. More likely something that supported his shoulder from the back.
David: Like a bra for guys?
Mr. O: ...sure. You know, if you want to really screw with him, you could break his collar bone. It's easy to do.
David: But then he'd need one of those collars, right? Like a recently neutered dog?
Mr. O: What, he's trying to lick himself?
David: You know what I mean.
Mr. O: No, he wouldn't need one. I mean he might. But it's cool, people break their collar bone all the time. Shoulders are harder to break.
David: He doesn't have to break his shoulder. I just want him speared.
Mr. O: I'm just saying. You should break someone's collar bone sometime. In one of your stories.
David: OK. Thanks.
Mr. O: Anything else?
David: Oh! Yeah! What about a nail through the palm?
Mr. O: Piece of cake. I get three or four of those a week. Wrap up the hand, be out in an hour.
David: Really? I mean don't you shatter the palm?
Mr. O: You can shove all sorts of things through your palm. There's a lot of space in between the bones. I mean, yeah. An ill-placed nail could do some damage. Wouldn't be able to use the hand. And you're not talking about crushing the hand, right? Just a nail? Like from an industrial nail gun?
David: Exactly.
Mr. O: No sweat. It would probably happen so fast, it'd be over before he even knew he was in pain. Same guy?
David: Different guy.
Mr. O: OK. Oh, hey. The antlers spearing the shoulder. He'd probably go into shock.
David: Oh, is that bad?
Mr. O: Shock is bad, yeah. But if he gets treatment right away, he should be OK. It's more of an immediate problem, but the long-term damage would still be to the shoulder.
David: Cool. What about crushing a foot?
Mr. O: Like dropping something heavy on it?
David: More like having it slowly crushed in front of your eyes. Like under a bulldozer.
Mr. O: Well if your foot is trapped under a bulldozed, the rest of you is probably going to follow. So, not much to worry about in terms of your foot.
David: Good point. Thanks.
Mr. O: No problem.
As far as I'm concerned, that's what friends are for. To tell me all about the horrible things I can do to a character and still have them punch out their best friend in the next scene.
My Next Big Horror Project. I finished the first draft, as astute readers will know, on New Year's Eve. But before I could finish it, I had to write it. And I did one thing while writing that I've been doing more and more.
Actual research.
See, I do some nasty things to my characters. And I wanted to make sure I was being realistic. So I made a call. An old friend who works as a Physician's Assistant. Let's call him Mr. O.
Mr. O: Hello?
David: Mr. O? Dave Neilsen. How ya doing?
**pause**
Mr. O: Don't you owe me money?
David: No.
Mr. O: You sure?
David: Yes. How's it been?
Mr. O: Can I call you back?
**click**
**redial**
Mr. O: Hello?
David: Mr. O! What up!
Mr. O: (sigh) Hi, Dave.
David: So I have some questions. medical questions. Thought you could help me.
Mr. O: I suppose.
David: Mind if I run them by you?
Mr. O: This isn't really the best time-
David: If a guy got stabbed in the shoulder by the antlers of a moose, how long would he have to be in the hospital before he'd be released? And would he have a sling, or a cast, or what? Would he be able to wield a knife with that arm? Maybe after a couple of days?
**pause**
Mr. O: It depends. Did he hit any muscles when he got punctured? There're a lot of muscles up there. What sort of damage are we talking about? Why are you asking about this?
David: I'm writing something. Let's say he didn't hit any muscles. Damage is whatever lets him out of the hospital ASAP.
Mr. O: If he got lucky and the antlers missed anything vital, it becomes a simple flesh wound. He could be out in a couple of days.
David: Awesome. Would he need drugs?
Mr. O: He'd be in serious pain, so yeah. Pain killers. Good ones. Also, he probably wouldn 't have a regular sling. More likely something that supported his shoulder from the back.
David: Like a bra for guys?
Mr. O: ...sure. You know, if you want to really screw with him, you could break his collar bone. It's easy to do.
David: But then he'd need one of those collars, right? Like a recently neutered dog?
Mr. O: What, he's trying to lick himself?
David: You know what I mean.
Mr. O: No, he wouldn't need one. I mean he might. But it's cool, people break their collar bone all the time. Shoulders are harder to break.
David: He doesn't have to break his shoulder. I just want him speared.
Mr. O: I'm just saying. You should break someone's collar bone sometime. In one of your stories.
David: OK. Thanks.
Mr. O: Anything else?
David: Oh! Yeah! What about a nail through the palm?
Mr. O: Piece of cake. I get three or four of those a week. Wrap up the hand, be out in an hour.
David: Really? I mean don't you shatter the palm?
Mr. O: You can shove all sorts of things through your palm. There's a lot of space in between the bones. I mean, yeah. An ill-placed nail could do some damage. Wouldn't be able to use the hand. And you're not talking about crushing the hand, right? Just a nail? Like from an industrial nail gun?
David: Exactly.
Mr. O: No sweat. It would probably happen so fast, it'd be over before he even knew he was in pain. Same guy?
David: Different guy.
Mr. O: OK. Oh, hey. The antlers spearing the shoulder. He'd probably go into shock.
David: Oh, is that bad?
Mr. O: Shock is bad, yeah. But if he gets treatment right away, he should be OK. It's more of an immediate problem, but the long-term damage would still be to the shoulder.
David: Cool. What about crushing a foot?
Mr. O: Like dropping something heavy on it?
David: More like having it slowly crushed in front of your eyes. Like under a bulldozer.
Mr. O: Well if your foot is trapped under a bulldozed, the rest of you is probably going to follow. So, not much to worry about in terms of your foot.
David: Good point. Thanks.
Mr. O: No problem.
As far as I'm concerned, that's what friends are for. To tell me all about the horrible things I can do to a character and still have them punch out their best friend in the next scene.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Just say the word...oh....
Over the weekend I re-read a screenplay that I wrote around 6 years ago.
And it’s a steaming dung-pile.
When I originally came up with the idea, it was a fairly dark comedy about a suicidal guy. I wrote a treatment based on the concept, but somewhere on the way to a final draft, it got watered down.
The suicidal inclinations became a guy PRETENDING he was dying, in order to wave off his shrew of a girlfriend.
The chick he digs went from being a crazy, happy-go-lucky girl next door to a chick version of Steve Irwin (RIP).
And the comedy went from being funny to being a bunch of loosely strung-together sitcom moments.
Even at the time I knew it was turning into pablum, but it was too late to stop it. Sometimes things just take on a life of their own and you're powerless - or too lazy - to stop them. In the end, this screenplay became a very run of the mill rom-com – the likes of which Jennifer Anniston or Heather Graham constantly star in. And yeah, its poopy-on-3-hole-punch-paper, but its no worse than those self-same Anniston/Graham fiascos (usually co-starring Mark Ruffalo… what’s with that guy? He’s actually a decent actor, but he's constantly starring in these craptastic chick flicks, usually looking like he's got 2 days worth of dip in his lower lip).
Still… everytime I read it, it makes my skin crawl. The stuff I’ve written in the last couple of years with Dave is, by all definitions, “B,” but at least that’s by design. We’re writing fun, over-the-top, action-packed thrillers that hopefully get your blood rushing, your hair standing on end, and your heart crawling into your throat.
My rom-com only succeeded in getting my lunch crawling into my throat, unfortunately.
Live and learn, learn and grow. That’s what Dave always says.**
Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, script, movies, crappy movie,Jennifer Anniston, Mark Ruffalo
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Check me out, I've got a development deal!
Well, no.
But then, well, yeah.
See, My Manager hooked me up with a Big Company (a different Big Company, not the one looking at Siege). They (the Big Company I'm referring to in this post) read a big-ass 40+ page writer's Bible I created for a TV show pitch that My Manager and I have cooked up. They (B.C.) like it. We had a call. I talked to Mr. K. (my name for him. Not his real name. I don't use real names in this blog, or did you think someone named their kid "Producer Dude"?) Mr. K. really liked my idea, we played with it back and forth on the call, he had some great ideas, and none of his ideas really changed my idea, which is a good thing.
See, often time, or at least so I'm told, executives will get an idea i their heads. They want to make a show about, say, a talking lizard. So they'll find a TV pitch all about bringing Godzilla to the small screen in a series. They'll say "hey, Godzilla is a lizard!" So the executive tells the writer's people that he wants to meet with the writer. They meet. The writer is, of course, totally excited that someone wants to make his show about Godzilla. (Nevermind that the writer is racing head-long for a lawsuit from the Japanese company that owns Godzilla) So the writer gets on the call and it goes something like this.
Executive: Your show idea is great.
Writer: Thanks!
Executive: Godzilla is hip. Lizards are hip right now.
Writer: I know!
Executive: Who do you see as Godzilla?
Writer: Well he's probably CGI.
Executive: I know, I know. But for the voice.
Writer: ...voice?
Executive: I think he should talk. Don't you think he should talk?
Writer: Well... he can grunt...
Executive: Maybe Ray Romano. He does voices. He's very funny.
Writer: Ray Romano as Godzilla?
Executive: And maybe his family, the ones who own him, they have to hide the fact that their pet lizard talks.
Writer: Godzilla is someone's pet? He stomps on buildings.
Executive: Plastic ones, sure. In his cage. And says something witty when he does it. like "Boo-ya!"
Writer: That's not witty.
Executive: Well I'm not a writer, but you get the idea. I think this show is great, and you're the guy to make it happen. I could sell this.
Writer: We're not talking about my idea anymore, are we?
Executive: So when can I see a pilot script?
Writer: Am I being punk'd?
But Mr. K, he's on the same page as I am. It's the same show. It's (going back to the metaphor) Godzilla stomping on buildings every week. But, like, he thought it would be cool if we also saw Godzilla fight Mothra every now and then. Which is totally cool.
So My Manager and Mr. K have had more talks, and I'm having another call, and then I'm gonna write a pilot script. And then Big Company (I should call it, like, Big Company 2 or something, to avoid confusion) wants to take it to the networks during development season.
This could be good. This could be very, very good.
And if I get a TV show made, you know people will knock down our doors to make Siege, the pygmy/lesbian/circus script, or anything else Charlie and I cook up.
See, I'm doing this for him.
**
Oh, wait. Siege news. There is none. Well, I DID say we wouldn't hear back for a month or so. Of course Producer Dude is IMing me telling me how his preparations for Siege are going rally well and he can't wait to start production. I'm pretty sure he knows that he may not get the script. Pretty sure.
But then, well, yeah.
See, My Manager hooked me up with a Big Company (a different Big Company, not the one looking at Siege). They (the Big Company I'm referring to in this post) read a big-ass 40+ page writer's Bible I created for a TV show pitch that My Manager and I have cooked up. They (B.C.) like it. We had a call. I talked to Mr. K. (my name for him. Not his real name. I don't use real names in this blog, or did you think someone named their kid "Producer Dude"?) Mr. K. really liked my idea, we played with it back and forth on the call, he had some great ideas, and none of his ideas really changed my idea, which is a good thing.
See, often time, or at least so I'm told, executives will get an idea i their heads. They want to make a show about, say, a talking lizard. So they'll find a TV pitch all about bringing Godzilla to the small screen in a series. They'll say "hey, Godzilla is a lizard!" So the executive tells the writer's people that he wants to meet with the writer. They meet. The writer is, of course, totally excited that someone wants to make his show about Godzilla. (Nevermind that the writer is racing head-long for a lawsuit from the Japanese company that owns Godzilla) So the writer gets on the call and it goes something like this.
Executive: Your show idea is great.
Writer: Thanks!
Executive: Godzilla is hip. Lizards are hip right now.
Writer: I know!
Executive: Who do you see as Godzilla?
Writer: Well he's probably CGI.
Executive: I know, I know. But for the voice.
Writer: ...voice?
Executive: I think he should talk. Don't you think he should talk?
Writer: Well... he can grunt...
Executive: Maybe Ray Romano. He does voices. He's very funny.
Writer: Ray Romano as Godzilla?
Executive: And maybe his family, the ones who own him, they have to hide the fact that their pet lizard talks.
Writer: Godzilla is someone's pet? He stomps on buildings.
Executive: Plastic ones, sure. In his cage. And says something witty when he does it. like "Boo-ya!"
Writer: That's not witty.
Executive: Well I'm not a writer, but you get the idea. I think this show is great, and you're the guy to make it happen. I could sell this.
Writer: We're not talking about my idea anymore, are we?
Executive: So when can I see a pilot script?
Writer: Am I being punk'd?
But Mr. K, he's on the same page as I am. It's the same show. It's (going back to the metaphor) Godzilla stomping on buildings every week. But, like, he thought it would be cool if we also saw Godzilla fight Mothra every now and then. Which is totally cool.
So My Manager and Mr. K have had more talks, and I'm having another call, and then I'm gonna write a pilot script. And then Big Company (I should call it, like, Big Company 2 or something, to avoid confusion) wants to take it to the networks during development season.
This could be good. This could be very, very good.
And if I get a TV show made, you know people will knock down our doors to make Siege, the pygmy/lesbian/circus script, or anything else Charlie and I cook up.
See, I'm doing this for him.
**
Oh, wait. Siege news. There is none. Well, I DID say we wouldn't hear back for a month or so. Of course Producer Dude is IMing me telling me how his preparations for Siege are going rally well and he can't wait to start production. I'm pretty sure he knows that he may not get the script. Pretty sure.
Friday, January 26, 2007
I am the Keymaster, are you the Gatekeeper?
A quickie to basically avoid actually emailing Charlie with the news.
As you know, if you've read this blog, we have written a script called Siege.
As you know, Mom, if you're still reading this blog, the script was written for Producer Dude. But then My Agent thought it might be well suited for Big Company, and so we got the script away from Producer Dude (props to Producer Dude once again for not raising a stink on that) and My Agent sent it to Big Company.
So whatever happened with that, anyway?
So glad you asked.
My Agent talked to Big Company earlier this week. Contact at Big Company (whom I met with for another project when I went to LA) has now read Siege. Contact at Big Company told My Agent that he/she liked Siege. So Contact at Big Company has passed Siege up the ladder to High Muck-a-Mucks at Big Company who are, even now, ignoring it while it sits on the big pile of scripts they're supposed to be reading.
So, in essence, we are nowhere. Except that's not true. Contact at Big Company liked the script. Contact at Big Company could have not liked the script and we'd be done. So, in essence, we've passed through the first Gate Of Power in our path. There are probably, like, fifteen Gates of Power we still need to get through, but the fact is, we weren't stopped out on the tarmac. We were invited in for a refreshing afternoon tea, and we just need to see if Her Highness has a free minute to spare in between beheadings.
Or something like that, I lost the metaphor a while ago.
Siege ain't dead. Long live Siege.
As you know, if you've read this blog, we have written a script called Siege.
As you know, Mom, if you're still reading this blog, the script was written for Producer Dude. But then My Agent thought it might be well suited for Big Company, and so we got the script away from Producer Dude (props to Producer Dude once again for not raising a stink on that) and My Agent sent it to Big Company.
So whatever happened with that, anyway?
So glad you asked.
My Agent talked to Big Company earlier this week. Contact at Big Company (whom I met with for another project when I went to LA) has now read Siege. Contact at Big Company told My Agent that he/she liked Siege. So Contact at Big Company has passed Siege up the ladder to High Muck-a-Mucks at Big Company who are, even now, ignoring it while it sits on the big pile of scripts they're supposed to be reading.
So, in essence, we are nowhere. Except that's not true. Contact at Big Company liked the script. Contact at Big Company could have not liked the script and we'd be done. So, in essence, we've passed through the first Gate Of Power in our path. There are probably, like, fifteen Gates of Power we still need to get through, but the fact is, we weren't stopped out on the tarmac. We were invited in for a refreshing afternoon tea, and we just need to see if Her Highness has a free minute to spare in between beheadings.
Or something like that, I lost the metaphor a while ago.
Siege ain't dead. Long live Siege.
Fear and Self-Loathing in Atlanta
Over the weekend I caught “Pan’s Labyrinth.” It’s an amazing movie – beautifully shot and directed, gorgeous art direction, masterfully acted. Sergi Lopez is fantastic as the brutal, sadistic Vidal. And Ivana Baquero, as the young Ofelia, is nothing short of a brilliant discovery. She’s the kind of flawless, perfect child talent that only comes around once every ten years or so.
Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, script, movies, Pan's Labyrinth,del Toro, Self loathing,
This movie moved me on many levels. It’s a fascinating period piece, set in Franco’s post-war
So I agonize. Wring my hands. Dream of writing some amazing, poetic, deeply personal tale of love and redemption, or tragedies overcome, or inspired actions. I struggle to come up with some moving story *I* can tell.
A young girl, stranded on the rocky shores of
But then… the whole B Writer thing kicks in.
The girl finds a stash of guns. She blows up the Colonel’s headquarters with a LAW anti-tank missile, before painting her face black and stealthily dispatching his soldiers, one at a time, gruesomely. Meanwhile, her Mom has a naked shower scene in a babbling Libyan waterfall, where she meets an equally naked sea… er… waterfall nymph. I think it goes without saying that a lesbian scene ensues. Meanwhile, the girl has cornered the Colonel, who tries taking her father hostage in the barn, threatening to cut his throat. Without flinching, the girl snags a scythe from the barn wall and expertly tosses it across the room, cleaving the bastard Colonel's head wide open. The dad escapes unharmed, and the family lives happily ever after.
Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, script, movies, Pan's Labyrinth,del Toro, Self loathing,
Friday, January 19, 2007
A Shocking Rejection Letter...
“Dear Mr. Flint,
Thank you so much for your recent AMERICAN IDOL spec script.
While you seem to have captured the spirit of our show and characters, I’m afraid that the storyline, and key teleplays, have already been locked for this season of the show.
We appreciate your interest in AMERICAN IDOL, and hope you’ll tune in throughout the coming weeks and months for the many exciting surprises we have in store.
Sincerely,
Simon Fuller”
---------------------
INT. AUDTION ROOM
A WIDE-EYED CONTESTANT wrings her hands nervously, as she looks expectantly across the room at the 3 JUDGES facing her.
SIMON, 40-something, English, looks aghast. PAULA, late 40s, disheveled, stares vacantly at the ceiling. RANDY, 40-something, black, waves his hand in the air and makes grunting noises.
SIMON That was like listening to two cats fornicate. It was awful. Really horrible.
A string of drool escapes from the corner of Paula’s mouth as she swats at imaginary bugs.
RANDY Yeah, dawg! You brought it and stuff, but that just didn’t do it for me. I’m going to have to take a pass, dawg. DAWG POUND!! WOOF WOOOF WOOOF!
The barking sound catches Paula’s attention, snapping her back to reality.
PAULA SIMON’S AN IDIOT! KEEP CHASING YOUR DREAMS! YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL! DON’T LET…
She nods off, mid-sentence.
WIDE-EYED CONTESTANT
(stifling a sob) You people are horrible!! How can you say these things! I’m a human being, you know! You can’t treat me like some kind of dog…
RANDY Dog?! Yeaaahhh booooyyyyy!! DAWG POUND! Woof woof woof!
Paula stirs, licks a spot on the table in front of her, and then falls back to sleep.
SIMON
(as condescendingly as possible) Darling, you may not be a dog, but you sing like one being hit by a car. I’m sorry, but it’s a “no.”
RANDY Yeah, dawg. It’s a “no” for me, too. Wooof!
PAULA I WENT PEE PEE!
The girl throws her hands to her face and sprints from the room in tears.
CUT TO:
EXT. HALLWAY
RYAN SEACREST, 30-something, short, effeminate, has his ear pressed to the audition room DOOR.
It suddenly swings open forcefully, smashing into his face, and knocking him to the ground. Wide-Eyed Contestant stumbles from the room, blind with grief. She wails loudly.
Ryan regains his composure, deftly produces a compact from his pants pocket, touches up his make-up, paying careful attention to his dimples. He quickly runs his hand through his hair and then struts over to the crying girl.
RYAN Well, Donna, it didn’t work out. So is it back to the Tijuana border-town brothel for you?
The woman reaches for his throat, choking him furiously as Ryan’s eyes begin to bulge and we…
FADE TO BLACK
-------------------
- Charlie
Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, script, movies, b movie writers,American Idol, rejection,
Thank you so much for your recent AMERICAN IDOL spec script.
While you seem to have captured the spirit of our show and characters, I’m afraid that the storyline, and key teleplays, have already been locked for this season of the show.
We appreciate your interest in AMERICAN IDOL, and hope you’ll tune in throughout the coming weeks and months for the many exciting surprises we have in store.
Sincerely,
Simon Fuller”
---------------------
INT. AUDTION ROOM
A WIDE-EYED CONTESTANT wrings her hands nervously, as she looks expectantly across the room at the 3 JUDGES facing her.
SIMON, 40-something, English, looks aghast. PAULA, late 40s, disheveled, stares vacantly at the ceiling. RANDY, 40-something, black, waves his hand in the air and makes grunting noises.
A string of drool escapes from the corner of Paula’s mouth as she swats at imaginary bugs.
The barking sound catches Paula’s attention, snapping her back to reality.
She nods off, mid-sentence.
(stifling a sob)
Paula stirs, licks a spot on the table in front of her, and then falls back to sleep.
(as condescendingly as possible)
The girl throws her hands to her face and sprints from the room in tears.
CUT TO:
EXT. HALLWAY
RYAN SEACREST, 30-something, short, effeminate, has his ear pressed to the audition room DOOR.
It suddenly swings open forcefully, smashing into his face, and knocking him to the ground. Wide-Eyed Contestant stumbles from the room, blind with grief. She wails loudly.
Ryan regains his composure, deftly produces a compact from his pants pocket, touches up his make-up, paying careful attention to his dimples. He quickly runs his hand through his hair and then struts over to the crying girl.
The woman reaches for his throat, choking him furiously as Ryan’s eyes begin to bulge and we…
FADE TO BLACK
-------------------
- Charlie
Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, script, movies, b movie writers,American Idol, rejection,
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
An Interview with Gordy Hoffman
About a week and a half ago, Charlie and I received an email from Mr. Gordy Hoffman, filmmaker and founder of the BlueCat Screenplay Competition, offering an exclusive interview with us. For obvious reasons, we jumped at the chance.
It fell to me, Dave, to serve up the questions and conduct the hard-hitting grilling of Mr. Hoffman that follows. If you wonder why there are no snappy follow-up questions, it's not that I simply sent him some questions over email and he chose to answer what he wanted and there was no back and forth, it's because I'm against follow-up questions for religious reasons.
Anyone else who wants to be interviewed by B-Movie Writers, let us know. We're open and willing, even if you don't run a screenplay competition and can promise us automatic placement in the final round.. uhm.. no. I didn't say that. Anyway, here's the interview.
****
B-Movie Writers: Mr. Hoffman, thanks for sitting down with us today. Or rather, thanks for sitting at your own computer and sending an email that we'll sit down at our computer and read. You are the founder of the BlueCat Screenplay Competition. As a screenwriter yourself, what drove you to jump over the fence and put this together?
Gordy Hoffman: Oh, so that was a fence I jumped over. I thought it was a BRICK WALL I RAN INTO. I started BlueCat in 1998 as a little venture, based on my experiences with contests as a writer myself. To paraphrase Kane, I thought it would fun to run a screenplay contest.
BMW: Why should a writer enter your competition as opposed to the hundreds of other ones out there on the Web? What sets your competition apart?
GH: Every writer receives written analysis on their screenplay. Our finalists and winners received significant industry exposure: our 2005 Winner, GARY THE TENNIS COACH, has been produced and will be released this year. 16,000 in cash?
BMW: Do you ever read any of the entries and think "Damn, that's a good idea, why didn't I come up with that?"
GH: Yes, I love when that happens. I love wishing I thought of something. It's always a good sign of greatness: Envy!
BMW: What, for you, would be the best case scenario resulting from your competition?
GH: That every entrant learns something about themselves as writers and commits to work to improve their craft.
BMW: What do you see this competition evolving into in the years to come? Would you like to grow it into a complete festival? Or do you hope to keep it at it's current scale?
GH: We want to keep growing, into something much bigger. We would love to continue to help writers, through production and distribution. Something akin to the Sundance Lab, but taking it further.
BMW: What is the single, proudest moment you've experienced while organizing this competition?
GH: Calling a disgruntled entrant 7 years ago at nearly midnight to apologize, and subsequently having the writer say he would enter BlueCat again. That's when I knew: BlueCat is a service.
BMW: You recently produced your first full-length feature, A Coat of Snow. Before that, you produced a number of short films. What were the biggest hurdles in going from shorts to full-length?
GH: Usual stuff. Bigger job. Plus you really have to get money. Shorts are great because you can go out today and make one. But maybe I can do that with a feature? What time is it?
BMW: On your website, located at http://www.myspace.com/bluecatscreenplay, you list a large number of screenwriting articles, advice articles, and other work that is all geared towards helping the struggling writer. At what point does someone go from struggling writer, to established writer? Are you there yet, yourself? If so, when did you know you were there?
GH: If I ever admit to being an established writer, throw a spear in my chest. Yuck. While I don't want to struggle for fun, growth as an artist is good. I have said it before. There is no destination.
BMW: Our work and audience is centered on writing B-movies where lots of people beat each other up. Your work is far more artful and of a higher quality. But there's one thing both genres have in common. So, how do you come up with new and unique ways to put hot lesbians into your stories?
GH: That's what great about writing. You can just write it today. I have the ability to write the hottest lesbian love story starring the hottest lesbians ever. Somehow, it might be about something else in the end. But they would definitely fuck. It's essential to all classic love stories. See Casablanca. All established struggling screenwriters know this.
BMW: What is your dream project? And who would you love to work with?
GH: I have a few dream projects which frighten me to admit. I would love to direct Jack and Marlon in a scene, but Marlon died. I would love to work with Streisand and Redford and Gene Wilder. Abbas Kiarostami. Jessica Biel.
BMW: Much of our work relies on convincing overseas money people to plop down a few hundred thousand dollars into anonymous bank accounts to fund our movies. Did you self-finance A Coat of Snow? And while doing so, did you use anonymous bank accounts?
GH: I did not self-finance A COAT OF SNOW. That's not a good idea.
BMW: What's the worst thing that happened while you were making A Coat of Snow?
GH: The set photos were destroyed by the lab.
BMW: How do you deal with actors who read your script and start crossing out dialogue because they're just getting paid to beat people up and don't want to say all those words? Or does that not happen in your world?
GH: I had to write a dialogue list of everything spoken in my movie. Boy, the cast did not remember their lines! They said whatever they wanted!! Oh well. It's a hard life.
BMW: One rule the producers often give us for our films is to make sure we have that one "Money Shot" of something (inexpensive) blowing up, or that one fantastic (but inexpensive) stunt. What would you say is the "Money Shot" of A Coat of Snow?
GH: God, if I had a money shot, it would be distributed. Probably the last shot. It's eleven minutes long.
BMW: And finally, if you had to do it all over again. What's the one thing you'd do differently when making your movie, A Coat of Snow?
GH: Cast movie stars.
It fell to me, Dave, to serve up the questions and conduct the hard-hitting grilling of Mr. Hoffman that follows. If you wonder why there are no snappy follow-up questions, it's not that I simply sent him some questions over email and he chose to answer what he wanted and there was no back and forth, it's because I'm against follow-up questions for religious reasons.
Anyone else who wants to be interviewed by B-Movie Writers, let us know. We're open and willing, even if you don't run a screenplay competition and can promise us automatic placement in the final round.. uhm.. no. I didn't say that. Anyway, here's the interview.
****
B-Movie Writers: Mr. Hoffman, thanks for sitting down with us today. Or rather, thanks for sitting at your own computer and sending an email that we'll sit down at our computer and read. You are the founder of the BlueCat Screenplay Competition. As a screenwriter yourself, what drove you to jump over the fence and put this together?
Gordy Hoffman: Oh, so that was a fence I jumped over. I thought it was a BRICK WALL I RAN INTO. I started BlueCat in 1998 as a little venture, based on my experiences with contests as a writer myself. To paraphrase Kane, I thought it would fun to run a screenplay contest.
BMW: Why should a writer enter your competition as opposed to the hundreds of other ones out there on the Web? What sets your competition apart?
GH: Every writer receives written analysis on their screenplay. Our finalists and winners received significant industry exposure: our 2005 Winner, GARY THE TENNIS COACH, has been produced and will be released this year. 16,000 in cash?
BMW: Do you ever read any of the entries and think "Damn, that's a good idea, why didn't I come up with that?"
GH: Yes, I love when that happens. I love wishing I thought of something. It's always a good sign of greatness: Envy!
BMW: What, for you, would be the best case scenario resulting from your competition?
GH: That every entrant learns something about themselves as writers and commits to work to improve their craft.
BMW: What do you see this competition evolving into in the years to come? Would you like to grow it into a complete festival? Or do you hope to keep it at it's current scale?
GH: We want to keep growing, into something much bigger. We would love to continue to help writers, through production and distribution. Something akin to the Sundance Lab, but taking it further.
BMW: What is the single, proudest moment you've experienced while organizing this competition?
GH: Calling a disgruntled entrant 7 years ago at nearly midnight to apologize, and subsequently having the writer say he would enter BlueCat again. That's when I knew: BlueCat is a service.
BMW: You recently produced your first full-length feature, A Coat of Snow. Before that, you produced a number of short films. What were the biggest hurdles in going from shorts to full-length?
GH: Usual stuff. Bigger job. Plus you really have to get money. Shorts are great because you can go out today and make one. But maybe I can do that with a feature? What time is it?
BMW: On your website, located at http://www.myspace.com/bluecatscreenplay, you list a large number of screenwriting articles, advice articles, and other work that is all geared towards helping the struggling writer. At what point does someone go from struggling writer, to established writer? Are you there yet, yourself? If so, when did you know you were there?
GH: If I ever admit to being an established writer, throw a spear in my chest. Yuck. While I don't want to struggle for fun, growth as an artist is good. I have said it before. There is no destination.
BMW: Our work and audience is centered on writing B-movies where lots of people beat each other up. Your work is far more artful and of a higher quality. But there's one thing both genres have in common. So, how do you come up with new and unique ways to put hot lesbians into your stories?
GH: That's what great about writing. You can just write it today. I have the ability to write the hottest lesbian love story starring the hottest lesbians ever. Somehow, it might be about something else in the end. But they would definitely fuck. It's essential to all classic love stories. See Casablanca. All established struggling screenwriters know this.
BMW: What is your dream project? And who would you love to work with?
GH: I have a few dream projects which frighten me to admit. I would love to direct Jack and Marlon in a scene, but Marlon died. I would love to work with Streisand and Redford and Gene Wilder. Abbas Kiarostami. Jessica Biel.
BMW: Much of our work relies on convincing overseas money people to plop down a few hundred thousand dollars into anonymous bank accounts to fund our movies. Did you self-finance A Coat of Snow? And while doing so, did you use anonymous bank accounts?
GH: I did not self-finance A COAT OF SNOW. That's not a good idea.
BMW: What's the worst thing that happened while you were making A Coat of Snow?
GH: The set photos were destroyed by the lab.
BMW: How do you deal with actors who read your script and start crossing out dialogue because they're just getting paid to beat people up and don't want to say all those words? Or does that not happen in your world?
GH: I had to write a dialogue list of everything spoken in my movie. Boy, the cast did not remember their lines! They said whatever they wanted!! Oh well. It's a hard life.
BMW: One rule the producers often give us for our films is to make sure we have that one "Money Shot" of something (inexpensive) blowing up, or that one fantastic (but inexpensive) stunt. What would you say is the "Money Shot" of A Coat of Snow?
GH: God, if I had a money shot, it would be distributed. Probably the last shot. It's eleven minutes long.
BMW: And finally, if you had to do it all over again. What's the one thing you'd do differently when making your movie, A Coat of Snow?
GH: Cast movie stars.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
I live... in a world... of poop.
It's 8:30 at night, and I've grabbed my laptop and am trying to bang out a few quick tweaks to this comedy script while my wife bathes our 3 year old son.
Before I can even get Final Draft successfully open, a scream pierces the house.
"POOOOOOOPY!"
I sprint into the bathroom. My kid's scrambling to get out of the tub, as a Baby-Ruth doppelganger floats amongst the rubber ducks and GI Joes. My wife's curled into a horrified ball on the bathroom floor.
I get the kid out, rinse him off with some CLEAN water, disinfect the tub, and put him, and my now catatonic spouse, to sleep.
At last... everyone's asleep. I can write.
I snag the laptop and sneak into my home office where I write much of the time. In that office is a cage, where "my wife and son's" rabbit lives. You'll note I put "my wife and son's" in quotes, because 3 days after raising hell that they wanted a pet rabbit, they both pretty much stopped acknowledging its existence.
So... that leaves me to clean up after it, feed it, and give it any attention. In this case, "attention" means letting it out of the cage to run around my office while I write.
So anyhow, I'm writing. Doing ok and making some progress, so I decide to take a break and grab a soda.
Push back my chair, stand up, and experience an odd crunch/squish under my feet. I glance down and realize I'm in the middle of a rabbit crap minefield. Little pellets are EVERYWHERE. I wonder what in God's name he's eaten to have pushed out what looks like an entire boxfull of coco puffs all over my office carpet. And trying to get out of the room's like playing a real life game of minesweeper. Trying to clear a path through the field of alfalfa marbles.
But I grab my laptop and negotiate my way free of the dung-maze. "Screw it," I think to myself. I'll go downstairs, finish writing, and then come up and sweep up all the bunny droppings. Its not like they really stink, or stain or anything. I do have the presence of mind to toss the Rabbit, and his overactive ass, back into his cage, at least.
So I'm going down the stairs, and what do I see at the landing?
Two giant dog turds.
By now, you have to think I'm exaggerating or joking, but I swear to you that it was just one pile of feces after another last night. Everywhere I turned.
So I clean up the crap left by my decrepit old dog, who's bowels are so cobweb-ridden that the strain of climbing the stairs can result in an unexpected (and usually unrealized) dump.
I clean up the crap left by my insolent, unloved rabbit, who's apparently eaten a supersized McDonald's value meal and passed it onto my office rug.
I plop down on my couch, open the laptop, and stare at what I've written.
And then I close it and go straight to bed.
I can only be responsible for so much crap in one 24 hour period.
--- Charlie
Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, script, movies, b movie writers,poop, Charlie Flint,
Before I can even get Final Draft successfully open, a scream pierces the house.
"POOOOOOOPY!"
I sprint into the bathroom. My kid's scrambling to get out of the tub, as a Baby-Ruth doppelganger floats amongst the rubber ducks and GI Joes. My wife's curled into a horrified ball on the bathroom floor.
I get the kid out, rinse him off with some CLEAN water, disinfect the tub, and put him, and my now catatonic spouse, to sleep.
At last... everyone's asleep. I can write.
I snag the laptop and sneak into my home office where I write much of the time. In that office is a cage, where "my wife and son's" rabbit lives. You'll note I put "my wife and son's" in quotes, because 3 days after raising hell that they wanted a pet rabbit, they both pretty much stopped acknowledging its existence.
So... that leaves me to clean up after it, feed it, and give it any attention. In this case, "attention" means letting it out of the cage to run around my office while I write.
So anyhow, I'm writing. Doing ok and making some progress, so I decide to take a break and grab a soda.
Push back my chair, stand up, and experience an odd crunch/squish under my feet. I glance down and realize I'm in the middle of a rabbit crap minefield. Little pellets are EVERYWHERE. I wonder what in God's name he's eaten to have pushed out what looks like an entire boxfull of coco puffs all over my office carpet. And trying to get out of the room's like playing a real life game of minesweeper. Trying to clear a path through the field of alfalfa marbles.
But I grab my laptop and negotiate my way free of the dung-maze. "Screw it," I think to myself. I'll go downstairs, finish writing, and then come up and sweep up all the bunny droppings. Its not like they really stink, or stain or anything. I do have the presence of mind to toss the Rabbit, and his overactive ass, back into his cage, at least.
So I'm going down the stairs, and what do I see at the landing?
Two giant dog turds.
By now, you have to think I'm exaggerating or joking, but I swear to you that it was just one pile of feces after another last night. Everywhere I turned.
So I clean up the crap left by my decrepit old dog, who's bowels are so cobweb-ridden that the strain of climbing the stairs can result in an unexpected (and usually unrealized) dump.
I clean up the crap left by my insolent, unloved rabbit, who's apparently eaten a supersized McDonald's value meal and passed it onto my office rug.
I plop down on my couch, open the laptop, and stare at what I've written.
And then I close it and go straight to bed.
I can only be responsible for so much crap in one 24 hour period.
--- Charlie
Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, script, movies, b movie writers,poop, Charlie Flint,
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