Nothing to see here. Move Along.

Yeah, yeah, its me, Charlie... the one who never posts anymore. I know, I know. I'm a douchebag.

The thing is, there's really nothing to say, at least as it relates to B Movie Writing.

When Dave wrote a couple of weeks ago, he told you that Producer Dude had re-emerged to tell us that this time we're REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY SUPER CLOSE, which is different from last time, when we were REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY CLOSE (no "super") and the time before that when we just got REALLY REALLY REALLY CLOSE (only three REALLY's which, really, we all know is not close, at all, but rather is quite far).

Thing is, we haven't heard from Producer Dude since. So... its business as usual here in B Movieland. Lather, rinse, repeat. Which is to say, Dave gets lathered, begs me to rinse him, and I repeat gagging.

In related non-news, as Dave said, he's sent me rewrites to the Donkey herders/firefighters/armageddon/jesus musical. And I've been hard at work on... well... not even reading them. I've just been slammed and haven't had the chance and... yeah. I'm a douche, as I said. I need to read 'em.

Anyhow... we'll post again as soon as sometime happens. Or doesn't happen and one of us feels guilty.

- Charlie

Has It Really Been A Month?

Wow. Time flies when you don't blog.

So over the last month we've... uhm.. we've....

Actually. No. We have. I finished my draft on our rocking horse/velvet curtain/glowing spear/banana leaf epic and sent it over to Charlie. He emailed me back (eventually) to say he couldn't find my email. So I then emailed it to him again.

That's progress.

Also, Siege didn't get made. But, and this is key, Producer Dude says we're SOOOOO CLOSE. Actually blind-copying us on emails from money people to producing people talking about schedules and finances and production slates and howthere's this mysterious inload of funding that first needs to be "laundered". Or maybe our movie is the laundering. I'm not sure.

There is also talk of a re-write. Which means Charlie and I will have to read the script and see what it's all about, since we have no clue. I think there's a midget in it. Hopefully a lesbian.

Actually, the truth is even funnier. See, we wrote Seige back in Ought-Five to be this no-nonsense, people beating people up in inventive ways, all-action, every line of dialogue should be able to be plastered on a snarky coffee mug, film. Now Producer Dude says that when we go into the rewriting process (which no one is doing until some money exchanges hands and ends up in the bank account of me and Charlie) we need to try to instill the script with character depth and meaningfull, dramatic dialogue.

Character depth. In Seige. Huh. Here's my take on that.

"There are three bad guys around the corner! You only have two bullets in the gun!"

"It's OK. I've done a lot of soul searching, and I think there's a better way. Before my father died from colon cancer, he taught me what was important in life. He taught me to really be there for everyone. And though I only have two bullets, those two bullets will really be there for me."

"I understand your pain. My own father was raped by a balloon salesman and left for dead in the tiger cage at the zoo. It has scarred me to this day."

"That's why you hold such animosity toward animals?"

"Both in the flesh, and the balloon variety, yes."

"You need to be there for your own inner child."

"I try. The pressures of being a real man in today's non-stop society make it difficult to cry."

"I'm so sorry. Let me use my two bullets to violently murder the three men around the corner, then we should sit down and have a good cry together. For you. For me. For us. And for the three dead men who will be in the hall."

"They have lives, too. Lives which we are about to end."

"Sometimes I hate myself."

"It's OK. Now go plug those assholes good."

I'd like to thank the Academy...