Friday, December 29, 2006

A Christmas Miracle?

T'was the night before Christmas,
as I sat in a pew.
My twice yearly church outing,
(my wife says that's too few).

The priest was a prayin',
when my hip started to vibe.
I reached down and grabbed
the blackberry strapped to my side.

I stared at the screen,
mouth agape in a flash.
T'was an email from Producer Dude,
claiming he'd closed on some cash.

My heart full of excitement,
my brain full of doubt.
Was there really a chance
this flick might someday come out?

The production, he said
should begin in late Spring.
Just as soon as he finished
some other B-Movie he's shooting.

"The funding's legit,
the bank's got cash in hand.
Just send me signed contracts,
and I'll FEDEX checks cross the land."

So now we're excited...
Will they shoot in Ontario?
But this isn't the first time,
we've heard this scenario.

On drawdowns! On hold-ups!
On international bankers!
On off-shore funding sources
sunk by mysterious anchors!

Come funding that's held up
by deals that collapsed.
Or options on screenplays
that recently lapsed.

But enough with the cynicism,
it paints me so jaded.
Perhaps 2007 will really bring a tale,
of a house that's been invaded.

So we'll see what the upcoming
weeks and months bring.
And if international distributors
let us put boobs on the screen.

Until then we'll keep writing,
I'm rescribing Dave's script full of humor.
In hopes that this comedy,
will be an early Spring bloomer.

Through 2007 we'll keep blogging,
we'll keep you all up to date.
By whining about how
our movies never get made.

And so I exclaim
as I post to this site,
"Happy B Movies to all,
and to all a good night!"

- Charlie

Charlie is a dufus

He says he can't blog because something's wrong with Blogger. I dunno. Looks OK to me. What do you think?

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Chick Power!

So I read my own blog post a few times and decided to take my own advice.

Adding a Hot Chick.

At this point, I'm on page 49 out of what looks like 80, if I'm lucky. So I've gone back to the beginning, because the Hot Chick needs to be integrated seemlessly into the entire script. Including the opening scene.

I've crafted a wonderful Hot Chick. I'm very excited about her. She's Hot. She's a Chick. What can go wrong?

Hot Chick will allow me to open up my script in a number of ways.

1) Emotional Love Triangle. Suddenly, there's someone for Lead Guy to be into, and someone he can get jealous over. Jealousy rocks.

2) Break up all the Man-On-Man scenes. Right now I've got a ton of scenes that are between two guys. Then they end and I cut to another scene between two guys. Gets old. Now there'll be scenes between guys and girls. Always a plus.

3) Extended Script. One more main character equals one more character to dispose of, which takes time. So now I'm looking at 85-90 pages. That's a big help.

4) Booty. Get to have a sex scene without pissing off the religious right. 'Nuff said.

So I'm pleased with Hot Chick. She's going to be very exciting to write. I'll try not to use the word "supple" too much while doing it.

Rock On.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Things My Latest Script Is Not Like...

1) The Country Bear Jamboree at Disneyland

Because we don't all get along. We fight, and tussle, and though I play a mean Triangle, harmony is not in the cards. Discord and dissent make for a yummy script.

I mention this because my current project is in danger of being too "Everybody's happy" for it's own good. Bad things happen, and I get over them in the blink of an eye. I need to stop this. It's the mediator in me, not wanting to put anyone- even ficticious characters of my own creation- in a difficult spot. I feel bad for these folks, I like them.

I need to stop liking them. Start kicking some butt.

2) The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Addition

Because I seem to have forgotten to include women in the story. I have a young wife who has a couple of tiny scenes. A mother showed up for about two minutes. That's about it. It's a sausage hang. That isn't the best thing in the world. I need me some sweet young thangs to dazzle the camera and bring in the 18-25 year-old males. Boys like girls. I need to create some girls and get them into the action.

3) War and Peace

Because right now, it's well on its way to becoming a full 75 pages or so. That's a little short. I seem to be having difficulty with length lately. Another project of mine is 124 pages and I'm just starting the 3rd act.

Maybe I can just cut some scenes from that one and stick them in here.

Actually, if my first draft is, indeed, in the wee-folk land of length, I may be able to help out by fixing Problem #2 and inserting women. Chicks dig back story, and that's good for at least 5 pages, right?

4) Babe: Pig in the City

Because my guys seem to like to say f*** a lot. Kids, what are you gonna do? Still, I think having all 4 main characters run around saying f*** this and f*** that gets old. So I need to dive back in and give some of these guys other things to say. Not everyone in the world spouts f*** left and right. Unless they're in a Scorsese picture or something.

5) Siege

Because that's done, and this isn't. So I need to get back to work.

I have a lot of work ahead of me, but it's part of the joy of writing. Rewriting. Anyone who says differently is selling something. Usual some scam story-help seminar.

But in general, I'd say this baby is coming along nicely.

Rock on.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Honoring the Kim Family.

Just a quick diversion from the usual whining about not hearing from Producer Dude and grousing about Dave rewriting everything I put to paper…

Yesterday afternoon, searchers in Oregon found the body of CNet editor James Kim, a day after his wife and two young kids were found safe and alive.

For some reason, I find myself unusually drawn to this sad story of a person I don’t really know. It could be because he’s a fellow writer, gadget-lover, and internet-denizen. It could be because of the courageous way he and his wife struggled against the elements for nearly 2 weeks, keeping the kids alive and healthy despite the harsh conditions. And it could be how he ultimately perished setting off, with little to protect himself from the weather, to find help… knowing it was a huge risk he had to take for his family.

I think it’s all of the above.

Bottom line… he was one of us, and I mourn his passing, and honor his valiant effort to save his family and seek out their rescue. And I also salute his wife, who fought equally hard, doing everything she could to keep the kid's healthy. In the end, though he lost his life, they succeeded. They're both heroes.

His friends are raising money for the family to pay for the rescue efforts (much of which was privately funded). Give generously if you can.


Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Art... from out of the Blue.

When writing, you constantly have to walk a fine line between interesting and believable.

I’m constantly reminded, when watching the world go by, that just because it could happen in real life, doesn’t mean it would work in a movie. For example, in the last 24 hours, I’ve been contacted – out of the blue – by 3 people I knew in Italy in the early ‘90s, and hadn’t conversed with in 15 or so years.

Now… if I put something like that in a movie, it would seem TOO coincidental. TOO contrived. Way TOO fictional.

And yet, an old buddy, a former Sergeant I worked with, and the daughter of my next door neighbors all dropped a line this weekend. One’s in NJ, one’s in the Netherlands, and one’s in Rhode Island. All unrelated, and all unheard of for more than a decade – converging in a 24 hour period.

Weird, huh?

Well… I thought so. Blog-worthy, at least.

Anyhow, point is, as I work on rewrites for this comedy, a number of key things jump out as needing work. Some overly cartooney characters, some pretty major clichés, and a few too many coincidences.

And yet… reality is full of all of those things.

They say life imitates art. Yet… sometimes that’s not true. Sometime’s life’s more fictional than art’s allowed to be.


Keywords: , , , ,

Friday, December 01, 2006

Mining the Past for Gold

So now I'm at that wondrous point of work where I'm at the beginning of the project.

The Pygmy/Shopping Mall/Lego Epic Biblical Romance pic is off to the Manager. I'll hear about it in a couple of weeks or so. Some other personal (non-Charlie) projects are at stopping points for various reasons. The world is fresh, it is time to start anew.

So I'm opening up some old projects.

The comedy that I gave to Charlie is an old script. Brilliantly funny, of course, but old. So I'll let Charlie gnash his teeth and re-write it, fit in all the lesbian stuff he's been dying to write since he first saw Natalie Portman on screen, etc. Then I'll read his work, cough, and rewrite everything.

Without telling my manager, who doesn't want me to waste time on this project.

Because she wants me to work on my personal new project.. another old script of mine.

Well, old idea, at least. I liked this idea a few years ago, wrote some thoughts out, diddled a few scenes in Final Draft. So now I'm coming back to it, changing everything, starting over, but keeping the essence of the spirit of the flavor of the piece.

It's a fun story, one I've always liked, and so I'm enjoying diving back into it. Especially now that I'm writing. Notes are important, but some times, it gets hard to hold back from just diving in. Steven King has an article in a recent E Weekly where he and the guys who created Lost talk about how they rarely know how the story will end when they start. They just start writing and see where it takes them.

That's nice. I can't always do that. I need to have a goal to aim for. With this story, I have a brief outline, beats, an ending climax, and an ending button. I know where it goes, I kinda know how it gets there, I just need to fill in the guts of the script, make it a story that you (or, well, people who have money to spend on horror scripts) will like.

So I'm hoping Charlie takes my old script and spins gold. And I'm hoping that I'm able to turn my scary thoughts and ideas into a chilling script that knocks you out of your seat. And I'm hoping My Manager likes the finished script I just sent her from me and Charlie. And I'm hoping something happens with Siege.

Mostly, I'm hoping for world peace.

Rock On.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Moving Right Along...

We’re rolling ‘em up and moving on to the next big thing.

No… we’re not bailing on the blog. We’d hate to disappoint our readers.

Both of you.

No… I’m referring to writing, of course.

Dave went through our dancing-penguins/secret-agent/global-warming screenplay with a fine-toothed comb and a rusty hatchet. Shaved off something like 15 pages or so, and its now a tidy, reasonable length and reads much cleaner.

I read his rewrite, made a few minor edits so I could lay bragging rights to having made the last round of changes, and then sent it back to him.

And its now in the hands of his manager, who he’s asked to read it and give us her thoughts.

And with that done, we’re moving on to the next project.

A comedy.

A damn funny comedy, really.

Several years ago, Dave wrote a funny script that he shared with me. It made me laugh a number of times and had LOTS of dirty words. Like… enough dirty words to make a staff-writer on DEADWOOD blush. I’ve always referred to it as his dirty word script.

Anyhow… its funny, but its got some flaws. So, while Dave works on some kinda alien-dinosaur-sex-romp teleplay that his agents have demanded he write for some tv networks (the Spice Channel) or something, I’m going to give this comedy an overhaul. Seal the leaks. Patch the holes. Paint the exterior. And install a pool in the backyard. In short, make it more sellable in a buyers market.

And… you know… lay claim to a co-writer’s credit.

I have a buddy who’s working for a production company that specializes in comedies. Plan is that with some rewrites, we get to something that’s just TOO hysterical to NOT read and produce, and then hand it off to him with a fat wad of $100’s.

Hey… it works. How do you think Deuce Bigelow got made?


Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Draft Me

I have gone over our rough draft of the vampire/dysfunctional family/roaring 20's pic with a fine-toothed comb. Whittling it down from 257 pages to 178. Only had to cut the lesbian scenes, but I think Charlie won't mind. There's always the sequel.

So what do we do now? Well now Charlie gets to read it. And he'll make changes- if he dares. Then I'll read it and change anything he did. And so forth. And then, at some point, we'll IM each other and it'll go something like this:

Dave: We're done with this draft.

Charlie: I was thinking we could soften the bit where the hooker saves the dog from the train.

Dave: We're done with this draft.

Charlie: The character of the blind librarian needs some more depth.

Dave: We're done with this draft.

Charlie: Well, first we should fix the glaring hole with the blimp. We blew it up, the midget was on board, then suddenly he's in the hot tub.

Dave: We're done with this draft.

Charlie: ...or maybe we're done with this draft.

Dave: I agree.

Then the idea (or at least, my idea) is that we show it to My Manager and see what My Manager thinks. Hopefully, My Manager won't hate it. Maybe My Manager will, but My Manager'll realize that the script is there, and maybe we should do something with it. Or not. Nobody knows.

In a perfect world, My Manager'll read it and go. "Hey. Nice job. I can sell this."

Do we live in a perfect world? Huey Lewis said we weren't. He said we "Keep on dreamin' we're livin' in a perfect world." He also said it was hip to be square. There's a lot of wisdom in Huey Lewis, if you just know where to look.

I'm just hoping My Manager doesn't tell me that "Sometimes, Bad is Bad."

Ba dip-dip-dip-dip-dip-doo-wop.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Remember That Phone Book? Well Apparently We're Now Unlisted...

Back in April I posted about Siege, and by proxy me, getting listed in IMDB.

It actually crept up a month or two earlier, entered we think, by Producer Dude. He and Dave both had credits for it, and then mine was added in April.

Well... not to kick a stalled production when its down, but IMDB appears to have "de-listed" Siege.

The page now throws an error, and when I log into IMDB's admin and look up the ID on it, it tells me that its been "SUSPENDED."

Somehow I suspect that's code for "movie supposedly in pre-production who's status hasn't changed one iota in over a year."

Maybe Dave and I should be taking a hint from IMDB. Its not like the phone's exactly been ringing off the hook with calls from Producer Dude.

Meanwhile, Dave's working on the first draft rewrite of our un-named Mercenary/God-of-Death/Living-Dead/Musical-Comedy. He's hinting about having something after the weekend. I'm excited.

And we're already moving on and talking about our next project. A dear friend of mine just took a high-level position at a leading comedy brand. He's told me that if I ever write any good comedies, to let him have a look. So... maybe we'll look at cranking out American Pie CCXIV as our next project. Who knows...

It feels good to be done with the unnamed flick.


Keywords: , , , , ,

Thursday, November 16, 2006

We Got Rough!

Charlie finally, finally, friggin' finally got off his lazy butt and did some writing. Finished the darned thing, to be told.

So then I went through it and made it better, of course.

And now we have a completed ROUGH draft of our mockumentary/leper colony/romantic comedy.


So now we're gonna read it. Like, the WHOLE THING. Good Leapin' Lizards there are pages in there we haven't looked at in months. I'm hoping the characters are still named the same. I can never remember.

It's fun to have a completed draft. There's a story that's whole. Complete. Finished. You can read it, and it doesn't leave you hanging in the middle. Cause we went all the way to the end. It even has a "Fade To Black" tag at the end. How cool is that?

Now the real work begins.


Tuesday, November 14, 2006

By The Numbers

3:29 – Time at which I finished the initial draft of our un-named Zombie/Amazon-Warrior/Adventure/Horror/Drama.

124 - Number of pages in the current draft.

258 – Number of days it took us from writing the overview to completing the rough first draft

6 – Bottles of cheap Russian vodka consumed during this period

7? - Number of main characters that die. Kinda.

2 – Number of breasts exposed in screenplay.

2 – Amount of back-pats I’ve given myself since finishing.

0 – Number of calls or emails we’ve had from SIEGE producer in last month.

That's right, folks. My pass at the first draft is done.

I've sent it off to Dave. He'll savage it. Clean up the ending some. Or maybe a lot. We'll see.

But regardless, pen to paper, fingers to keyboard, we're over the hump.

Now its time for the rewrites. I think its pretty good, though at 124 pages, its WAAAAAYYYYY to freaking long.

And its been awhile since I've read it from page 1, so maybe I'll print it off and do so tonight.

Look for Dave to post soon about what a piece of monkey dung the 3rd act is.

But its DONE monkey dung.


Keywords: , , , , ,

Saturday, November 11, 2006

New Day, New Project

In one world, I await Charlie's pages with anticipation. We are finishing a rough draft. That is exciting. It means we can sit down and start re-writing it. Making it better. Fixing it. That sort of thing.

And probably cutting the heck out of it, since it's, like, 250 pages or something like that.

In another world, I'm still waiting to hear if I scored big-time with an undisclosed project. It's the fruits of my LA trip (one of them, at least) and it would be beyond sweet were it to land. But it's been awhile, so I'm losing hope...

In still another world, I shipped off a ton of pages to My Manager on another project of mine, the one I mentioned that I was having trouble getting around to writing the other day. I got around. I wrote. It's good.

So now in this last, newest world, I need to start my next project. This is the project that companies in LA are waiting for. I know what the project is, I have the preliminary plot in my head, I just need to get the characters together, get the sequence of events together, all that jazz.

It's time to mix it up and start anew. Always fun. The art of creating has begun.

Never a dull moment.

And oh yeah, nothing from Producer Guy.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

A Hitching Post

Yeah, yeah. I’m still working on the remaining scene.

Dave and I chatted on Sunday. Caught him up on what I’d written. He seemed to be generally on-board with what I’ve done. Even killing off 50% of the remaining cast.

I also dropped some hints to see if he wanted to write the balance of the scene. He sniffed around the bait. Nibbled it. Swished it from cheek to cheek, taking in its flavor and essence.

And then he spit it out and walked away. So, I guess the onus remains on me. It’s a funky week, work-wise, so it may be the weekend before I can get back in front of the computer. We’ll see, but my goal is to finish it up in my next session.

But speaking of swishing and spitting… I’ve noticed that, by virtue of our participation in the BlogBurst network, a few of the BMovie Writers blog posts have appeared in recent months on the Santa Maria Times website! Now, I’m particularly excited about this because Santa Maria Valley is one of my favorite places on earth. During my 10 years in LA, we used to go up to SMV all the time and visit the wineries. In fact, Dave and I have had many a wine outing up there… to include his Wedding, which took place in the area, with the reception at Firestone.

So to our friends and readers in Santa Maria Valley – cheers! We’re glad you’re reading. I do have a bone of contention, though. I can’t help but notice that it’s always Dave’s posts that get pulled in. What’s up with that? Is it my writing? My posts are just… well… inferior? Is it my subject matter? Do I not write about interesting subjects? Is this still because I talked trash about Fess Parker one time? Sure, I know he’s a legend and all, but come on people, that wine is swill! And the winery is like a freakin’ Stuckey’s in West Virginia!

But I digress. Welcome, readers from Wine Country! We salute you and all of your oenophile brethren!

Even you, Fess.

- Charlie

Keywords: , , , , ,

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Shhhhh.... Don't Tell Dave!

So mum's the word, but I've been writing.

A lot, really. I think at this point the screenplay for our un-named Khazakstan-documentary/animated-sewer-rats/Santa-Claus-comedy is up to 115 pages, 6 of which I cranked out (with edits to older stuff) in the last couple of days.

To you non-writers, 6 pages may seem like a trifle, but trust me, at times, writing 6 pages can be a daunting as scripting WAR & PEACE.

Anyhow... I'm not done. In his kind gesture of "not wanting to hog up the whole third act," Dave actually wrote like... 1 minute of screen time and left me to resolve the entire final action sequence - which, is pretty big stuff, as one would expect. I'm getting there, but one has to build up to it.

Out of spite, though, I killed off one of the remaining characters. To you, this may seem as undramatic as writing 6 pages, but Dave'll realize that at this point we have just 2 characters left. So... Yeah... So much for a happy ending, huh?

Screw it. It is an apocalypse picture.

On an unrelated note, my wife managed to pick the lock and chain Dave FEDEXED to the house, freeing my from my laptop and taking me to see BORAT.

I'd just like to state for the record that it is, unequivocally, the funniest movie I have ever seen. During one scene I was laughing so hard that I literally started gagging.

Sascha Baron Cohen is a genius. The movie is unique, hysterical and, despite the layer of scatalogical humor (and its a severely deep layer), decidedly smart in its lampooning of American culture. You're laughing, but you're laughing at what a sad state of affairs we're in.

I could easily have gotten right back in line and seen it again after leaving the theater.

And I predict huge numbers for it. If its selling out in Kennesaw, Georgia (a state which bears the brunt of a few scenes), I can only imagine the lines in NY and LA.

I can only aspire to someday write something that is a fraction of the quality of BORAT.

Very nice!


Keywords: , , , , ,

Friday, October 27, 2006

My Own Distractions

Sometimes it's just really hard to focus and write.

While I sit at my computer, drumming my fingers, waiting for Charlie to finish his turn with the big naked midget/lacrosse/caveman epic, I am working on my own projects. Right now, I'm concentrating on a project I've had for a long time, one that My Manager loves, and is pushing me to finish.

I have the whole thing plotted out, and have for years. But for the longest time, I got about 1/3 of the way into Act 2 and I couldn't push on. I knew what needed to happen in the story, but I didn't, or wouldn't, finish.

So about a month ago I finally pushed, got through the daunting section, and have been speeding along like a supersonic monorail. Now I'm at another sticky, slow, molasses-like section that I need to plow through.

So I'm checking email. And surfing the Web. And watching all the movie trailers on, even the foreign ones that I'd never want to see in a million years. I'm sweeping up the cat litter. Pulling some weeds outside. Filing.

I only get, maybe 2 hours tops each day to write. So if I do enough other things, that time will pass and I won't have to write today.

But I'll feel guilty.

It's tough. You get into these moods. You want to write, but it's really hard. Right now, I need to break down a large action sequence. It's complicated. My brain hurts.

So I empty the dishwasher.

And blog.

I think the baby's awake. I'll have to write tomorrow.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Driven to Distraction

Last night was the night.

I’d printed off the last 20 pages of the script to refresh myself. I was going to go home eat dinner, re-read the last stuff we’d written, and open a can of screenplay whoopass.

Ate dinner. Sat down on the couch with my laptop.

Hrmmm… what’s on TV?

No. No. Must fight urge. Besides, it’s a crappy tv night. Turn off the TV.

Grab the printed pages. Read through them. Good stuff. Damn… we’re good. This is scary and funny and… what the f… I only have 10 pages here! Where’s the rest?

Boot up laptop. Scrounge for my final draft CD (I’ve used up all my installs, so now I have to shlep the actual disk between computers). Pop it in. Start the program. Open the file. Scroll to page 101.

Oh yeah. Good stuff indeed. Now that… THAT is a great line. God, I hope I wrote it. I can’t even remember anymore. Damn. It’s too good actually. Dave probably wrote it. God, I hate him.

Man. I’m hungry. Well… not so much hungry as craving ice cream. Get some ice cream. Eat it as I finish reading the pages.

Ok. Time to continue this thing. Really pound it out. And write some lines even better than that one Dave had on page 106. God, I hate him and his good lines.

Clackity clack. Hehehehe… oh yeah… that’s a good one. Suck on this Dave…

Up to a page now. Digging where this is going. Oh yeah, baby.

Huh? Oh man… it’s 12:20am. I have work in the morning. I can’t keep going. Gotta shut down and call it a night.

Save my work. Reread my new line that’s so much better than the one Dave wrote on page 106. On second thought, mine sucks. Holy Christ, I'm a hack. I don't deserve to put pen to paper. Now I’ll have to re-visit this line tomorrow. God, I hate Dave and his good lines. A pox on him and his computer.

Crawl to bed.

And Dave thinks I’m not working on this thing?! Screw him.

And his good lines, too.


Keywords: , , , , ,

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Who Says I Can't Take A Hint?

I’ve been slammed lately.

Slammed at work.

Slammed at home.

Slammed during the hours when I’m not at work or home (i.e. the commute from hell).

Slammed traveling to Zimbabwe to adopt orphaned babies.

Frankly, I’ve been slammed with everything but the one thing I need to be slammed with – wrapping up our mob-thriller/Japanese-horror-remake/political-comedy. With everything else going on, I keep neglecting writing the final scenes of the movie.

So far Dave’s been a good sport. A typical IM conversation lately has gone something like this…

Dave: Hey amigo. What’s happening?!
Charlie: Not much. You?
Dave: Oh… not much. Just writing, you know.
Charlie: Cool. How’s that going?
Dave: Good. Really good. I’m really cranking through it. Writing, that is. Practically finishing up the script I’m writing.
Charlie: Wow! That’s great!
Dave: Yeah… of course, this is one of those scripts I’m writing on my own. No partner. Did I mention I’m almost done with writing it?
Charlie: Um… yeah.
Dave: Yesiree. Practically finished up writing that 3rd act in a day. Fancy that…
Charlie: Auto-reply: Away
Dave: And you need to blog, too, you sonofabitch!

Soon, my friends. Soon.


Keywords: , , , ,

I Have Not

I have not yet heard back from my pitch.

I have not heard back from My Manager or My Agent with a rundown on the whole LA trip yet.

I have not heard anything from Producer Dude in a while.

I have not gotten Charlie's new pages in a while.

I have not written enough blog posts lately.

I have not ignored the fact that I have still written more than Charlie lately.

I have not gotten any responces from my last post. You don't love me anymore, do you?


Friday, October 13, 2006

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

Well, October anyways. And with the weather turning cold here in New York (it was in the 30's this morning! The friggin' 30's!!!) spending a week in sunny, warm, LA felt like summer.

I went and pitched. I had 13 meetings. 2 for TV. 11 for film.

I had a good week. Thanks to everyone who gave me bits of advice, everything went well, and I only had to take my clothes off a couple of times.

The TV pitches were fun, one more formality than anything, the other legit. My Manager and I have a TV pitch we've worked on and this guy likes it. So this guy is gonna bring it back to his people and see if they like it and so forth. I just hope they're ready for an all-midget version of Payton Place.

The film pitches were also fun. Lots of different reactions to the same material. From the lows of one meeting that, after about 5 minutes I knew was a total waste of everyone's time, to the highs of another meeting that went so well, I'm surprised they didn't propose.

I went in with a stable of pitches: projects of mine in one form or another that I wanted to toss out at folk. I'd get in the room, feel out the person I was meeting with, and choose which projects to pitch to them. The winner, the pitch that got the most reaction and the one I'll probably start to work on right away, was actually a story idea that both My Manager and My Agent didn't like, so it wasn't on the A list of pitches. It didn't even make it into the first couple of pitches. But I started to pull it out for fun and it was the big winner everytime. So I kept pulling it out. Ended up leading with it. I told My Manager and My Agent and they both went, more or less, "Huh. Well I guess we know what your next project is going to be."

Even more fun was when the meeting would take a turn and they'd talk about projects they wanted to pitch me. That happened three times. That's the sweet spot, because if you start working on their projects, they're already invested in the project and are driven to push it through all the red tape that can pop up.

One of those three has come around very quickly, to where I've already come home, worked on their idea, and pitched my take to them over the phone. They liked my pitch, and I'll probably know next week if I've struck gold or struck out.

So in all, a very good trip, some very good meetings, and I am totally jazzed.

Side note: One of the companies I met with would be an absolutely perfect place to land Siege, and for a lot more money than we'll ever see from Producer Dude. Am I tempted to rip it away from Producer Dude and get it set up somewhere else? Of course. But I'm not ready to be that shallow yet, that slimy. Neither, I think, is Charlie. But I have told Producer Dude that as the days tick away without any movement, he needs to be realistic with me and let it go if it's just not going to happen. Remember, Siege was written in Sept. '05 for a Dec. '05 start date. If it goes into '07 without a peep, I may bring it up again. We'll see how some other things go.

Gotta go write. Rock on.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Prepping to Pitch

So first the Siege news.



Now on to the news on Charlie and my latest earth-in-the-balance/paper cut/sorority car wash period drama. I was going to write the end. All of Act III. Charlie had gotten us to the end of Act II in style, and I was ready to turn on the power and have my way with the keyboard.

I got maybe half way and gave it back to Charlie to finish.

Am I a wimp? Don't answer that. Truth is, it took a long time, and I started to feel bad about hoarding all the glory to myself. Charlie has some great ideas for Act III, and so he can bring us home. We know what we're doing in Act III, we outlined it together a while ago. It was Act II that needed some lovin'. Act III is pretty much written in our heads, we just need to pound the computer and make the magic.

So that's that. Now me.

I'm heading to LA next week. I have meetings with people. People who can give me money to write. This is very exciting, but it means I have to get ready to do something I've never really done before.


I have a number of projects and pitches that My Manager and My Agent like, both for TV and film (I'm meeting with both kinds). I just whipped up another batch of steaming hot ideas and sent them to the forces that be for their assessment. They may or may not get added to the list of things to pull out of my ass when I'm in those small offices trying to keep the attention of a very bored minor-level exec who's wondering how soon he can cut me off and go on a Starbucks run.

See, I've never pitched before. I don't know what to expect. Anyone out there done their share of pitching and have any advice? Because you know that advice from the Internet is gold.

My Agent told me "Dave, these people will have read your script a couple of months ago, so you may have to remind them who you are. And it'll be a pretty cold room, in general, so be ready for that."

So I said "What, like bring a jacket?"

And My Agent said "No, like they don't care who you are and will forget your name the moment you walk out the door, if not sooner. You're gonna do great!"

So I'm getting ready. Going over my ideas. Going over my 5-minute pitches. Going over my 30-second pitches. Going over my 5-second pitches. "It's Curious George meets Solaris, but with tennis players!"

Wish me luck.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

It's Always something.

So we’re in the home stretch with our unnamed MTV-stunt-show/Chinese-period-epic/Football-comeback-story/Sean-Penn-Drama screenplay. Dave was going to push all the way through to the finale, but got bogged down at home.

So he wrote a whole bunch, which essentially means re-wrote everything I last wrote, and then added more on top of that. Then he sent it back to me to wrap up.

So Thursday night I sat down to write. Hit the power button on my iBook. And it started booting up.

And kept on starting booting up.

Grey spinning-thingie screen forever. No boot up.

So I take it into the Mac store. Doesn’t look good. Either the HD or the OS is corrupted… hard to know which just yet. So I did what any reasonable geek would do.

I bought a shiny new Apple MACBook, which I’ve been lusting after for months.

Its purty. I should do lots of good writing on it.

So over the weekend I spent time getting it all set up, properly configured, etc. Lunch time today I figure I’ll get in 45 minutes to an hour of writing – or at the very least review what Dave changed and wrote – but no such luck.

In installing Final Draft, I need my registration key. In the past I’ve run it off the CD and didn’t think I needed the registration key if I went that route.

So… despite having the CD, and being ready to roll, I’ll have to go home tonight, dig up the sleeve (which has the key written on it) and then properly install Final Draft.

And THEN I can write, wrapping up the first pass at this script. No more excuses. I mean... at the very least, I can read what Dave's written.

Oh yeah… and we heard from Producer Dude!

Bwahahahhaha… I slay me… I kid, of course. Nothing from Producer Dude in weeks, since we rebuffed his advances in wanting us to kill ourselves writing another spec-yet-commissioned instascript. He’s a good guy, and I’m sure he’ll circle back to Siege in a bit… but for now, we’re back to being off-the-radar.

It’s always something. Actually… on second thought… sometimes – it’s nothing.


Keywords: , , , , , ,

Saturday, September 16, 2006

And We're Back with Sound

Haven't we done this before?

So, like a cruel prom date, Producer Dude got us all worked up once again only to leave us standing at the punch bowl.

Well, OK. It's not like he's said that all the heat we felt the last couple of weeks was a simple case of d**k tease (trying to keep it clean for the sake of the children. It's all about the children.), but we haven't heard *ic* in a couple of weeks, and I, for one, am settling in for another long wait by the phone.

Pessimistic? Me?

See, in the interim, Producer Dude asked Charlie and me if we'd agree to write another film for him on the fly. 6 weeks or so. There's money up front. Enough to.. well.. enough to help out with the Cable bill. We passed. We're just too busy updating this blog to start another script on such short notice.

And truth be told, we are too busy. Charlie has a new job. I have 2 kids. Charlie has 1 kid. I have a host of meetings in LA to prepare for. And Battlestar Galactica is about to kick off season 3, and so there goes a whole other chunk of time for both of us.

But in truth, I think even if we had the time, we'd pass. Right now, as much as I like Producer Dude, and I do, I need him to finalize one of the multitude of deals he has spinning around before I commit to doing more work for him. When we started Siege, it was because Producer Dude needed a script within a couple of months for a November (or December, or something) 2005 start date. It's September 2006, and we're still waiting.

So we're gonna keep waiting. We're writing our pygmy/private detective/baseball/sodomy/Mongolian epic adventure right now. And we'll see what happens.

Keep the faith, fight the power, and smile for the picture, because those prom photos are gonna come back to haunt you.

Friday, September 08, 2006

We’ve Got Heat Lukewarmth!

A lot has happened since I last wrote.

To start with, I’m about 5 pages into my latest pass at the zombie-apocalypse/alien-abduction/stingray-attack script. We’ve now officially broken 100 pages, and are right at the 2nd/3rd act break. Have I mentioned we’ll need to do some editing and rewriting once we finish this first pass?

And in the meantime, things with SIEGE have gone from unofficially dead to… well… I’m not sure what. But definitely not dead.

It all started with an email from Producer Dude a couple of weeks ago, asking us again for the script that we’ve already sent him (and have been asking him to read for nearly a year now). Dave sent it to him.

Within an hour or two he wrote back, as Dave’s previously noted. His response:


He then apparently sent it on to a couple of other folks – some potential investors, and a potential director.

The response from them was great as well.

Director Man said something to the effect of the writing being very clean and clear, and the flick being a lot of fun to make.

Investor Guy said something like… “Wow, I didn’t want to stop reading!”

Since then, Director Man has even put together a shot list for a couple of key action sequences in the flick… presumably as part of a “package” of materials for investors to review.

So… there’s no money in our pockets, nor is the film exactly in production, but it’s kinda sorta got heat. Maybe not scorching heat, but its moving. I mean – PEOPLE HAVE READ IT, for Christsake! That, in itself, is a huge leap given that, for nearly a year after writing it, no one but Dave and I had read it. And not only have they read it, but people seem to like it!

Like Dave said… its no Godfather. Well… maybe Godfather III. But it’s not going to win any scriptwriting awards. But we did try to make something that’d be fun to watch and, from the sound of it, could be fun to make too.

And hey… if other people are getting excited, so I am!

So I’m trying to keep my expectations in check, but it’s been a fun week or so. And in the meantime, I’m clacking away on the new script so that I can hurry up and get it to Dave, who’s been nagging me daily to get my sh*t together and finish up.

Guess his red marker’s feeling lonely.

Stay tuned…


Keywords: , , , , , ,

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The Siege Is On?

With full apologies to Glenn Frey.

So emails have been circling like Charlie's hawk the last couple of weeks. There is life in them thar scripts.

Producer Dude is actually making noises about Siege as well another script of mine he's had for, like, 5 years or so.

But this is more movement than we've had on Siege for months, and it kinda came of its own accord. Producer Dude is trying to make some movies, and he's got a hook into something right now and he's force-feeding Siege.

Oh, and he finally read it.

And he loved it.

no big surprise there. Not that we're fantastic, or anything. (though we are) It's just that, well, I know, after all this time, what Producer Dude wants. And I know that we gave it to him with Siege. So when he read it, and he loved it, it was like "Well, duh."

Is it a work of art? We've covered this before. No.

But It's B-Movie Manna from Heaven. And Producer Dude knows it, so Producer Dude is all agog over the script, fired up.


Me and Charlie? It's nice to read emails filled with hope.

It'll be much nicer to open up envelopes of cash.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Circling... circling... circling.

I just got back from running a quick errand.

It was pouring rain outside - presumably the outer band of Hurricane Ernesto. As I slowly drove through the rain, I noticed a drenched cat, slowly skulking along a sidewalk next to the road, presumably looking for a dry spot to hide.

Truthfully I wouldn't have given the cat much thought except that, within the blink of an eye, I witnessed the damndest thing.

A hawk or falcon (not sure what the difference is... it was a HUGE bird - like eagle sized, but not an eagle) swooped down and snagged the cat.

Boom. Like that, the was gone, and I continued along in the driving rain.

Craziest thing I've seen in awhile. Its not like I live in the countryside or something. This was urban Atlanta, about as city-esque as it gets. And yet, an episode of Wild Kingdom played out before my eyes. Survival of the fittest and all that.

I can only assume the falcon was up above, circling... circling... circling... waiting for something resembling prey to peek out. I'm sure mice and other rodents are his usual prey, but the rain slowed this cat down just enough for him to strike.

Things with our writing are kind of like that falcon right now. We're circling... circling... circling.

I've been slammed with closing on a house and moving. And I guess somewhere along the line I decided that wasn't enough change, and resigned from my current job, accepting a new gig with a new company. Start in a couple of weeks there.

So, given that its my turn to write scenes in the un-named boxing-drama/high-school-musical/penguin-documentary, we've just been... well... circling. Hopefully after this weekend I'll be able to get the house in order and devote some time to writing in the early half of next week.

And... I know this'll be a shock to regular readers... we still haven't heard from Producer Dude. Presumably he's circling money somewhere. Unlike the cat, though, I bet it skitters away just in time to be safe from his (our?) claws.

And Dave's off circling around the "big time" in Hollywood... breakfasts with Bruckheimer. Lunches with Lucas. Dinners with De Palma. Good on him... maybe he'll get some heat from other avenues.

But next week I'll get my act together... next week I'll stop circling, swoop down with great fury, and tear the unholy sh*t outta the cat that is our latest script. I'm gonna devour that bastard!


Keywords: , , , , , ,

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Survey Says...

So Charlie's right. The script is in his hands. He's doing this whole "buying a house and moving" thing. Producer Dude is in Latvia trying to drum up funds for Siege, the script he still hasn't read, and I'm not the easiest guy to get a hold of. Although in my defense, I'm always available, just only for a couple of minutes at a time while I Kid Wrangle. And if Charlie doesn't answer my IMs for an hour, is that my fault that I'm not there when he responds?

Meanwhile, My Manager and My Agent sent out My Script a few weeks ago to all sorts of Hollywood people.

The end result?

Nobody wanted it.

My Manager and My Agent assure me this is an expected result. Nobody in Hollywood buys a spec script from an unknown writer. So I shouldn't be discouraged. Truth is, a lot of these same people who didn't want to buy my script want to meet with me. So I'm heading to LA in a bit for a week of meetings.

That's totally cool.

It's quite possible that I'll walk away from the meetings with nothing more than a laurel and a hearty hand shake, but I'm grabbing for the ring. Working on new pitches, new ideas to pitch these Industry Folk. Always getting ready to listen to their ideas and say "Yes, that's a fantastic idea. And I'd love to write it for you!"

True-ish story (I'm slight fuzzy on some details, but it's a good story.). Before we moved here to New York, we had a neighbor in LA. This neighbor was a writer. This neighbor got involved on a story with a producer, who loved it. It was the producer's story (not personal story, but one they wanted to make) and the neighbor worked on it and wrote it for over 2 years with the producer. 2 years, writing for free. So what happened?

It got made, starred a huge star, and made a ton of money.

Because this writer was that good? Sure, but no.. It got made because the producer, who bounced around from studio to studio, like most of them do, wanted to get it made. And he kept at it for 2 years until he got it made.

True story.

What does this have to do with me? Well, I may leave my LA meetings with nothing more than a project to work on with a producer or executive in a production company. But that's often how unknown writers like myself and like Charlie get a start.

So cross your fingers, though the meetings aren't until October.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

We're Not Dead!

Sorry things have been so quiet of late, loyal readers. We’re in a wee bit of a lull. Dave’s handed the script off to me, and I haven’t been able to do much with it for a week now. This time next week I’ll be closing on a new house, so we’ve been pretty slammed with moving-type stuff.

As the result, I don’t have anything script-related to convey. And since Dave’s just twiddling his thumbs, he probably doesn’t have much to say, either. Plus getting ahold of him, much less getting him to blog, is kind of like getting updates from Producer Dude.

Speaking of which… still nothing from him since our last conversation a couple of weeks ago. I have to guess he’s still charging wildly into the fray, shouting “I’LL MAKE THIS F*CKING MOVIE” at the top of his lungs. Who knows, maybe he’ll trip over a stack of money while doing so.

So we’re not dead. We’re still hard at work on the untitled Wu Xia / Western / Musical / Period piece. We’re just in a bit of a slow-down. And its all my fault.

I bet Dave would yell at me… if he ever returned my calls or emails. ;)


Thursday, August 03, 2006

The “B” Is Dead – Long Live The “B”

A couple of weeks ago we had an interesting conversation with Producer Dude.

In it, he essentially noted that he’d written off the investors that we’ve previously written about in this blog (you know… the ones where the money was supposedly here ANY DAY NOW for about 8 solid months).

We gave him a virtual pat on the back and told him it was cool that it didn’t work out. He then got virtually incensed, and virtually screamed that he’s a never-say-die kind of guy, that he doesn’t take no for an answer, and that one door shutting means 5 more open. He virtually marched off, fire in his eyes, brimstone in his nostrils, hell-bent on showing us that NOTHING’s dead.

Of course, that was the last we heard from him.

Don’t get me wrong. I like Producer Dude. I believe he’s out there trying, and that HE believes he’ll pull it off.

But me…? Nearly a year after we initially wrote SIEGE? I’m essentially resigned to the fact that the script’s dead. I’m ok with that, I suppose. Sure, I’d have like to have finally been paid, after writing what was, in many ways, a commissioned script. And sure, it would have been nice if someone, besides Dave and I, ever read the goddamn thing. But that’s how it goes sometimes.

And who knows… maybe someday we’ll post the entire script right here. At least that way you, our loyal readers (Hi Mom and Aunt Sally!), will have a chance to see what all the fuss was about.

In the meantime, we plug along on our unnamed Transgendered-road-trip/animated-nascar/Mel-Gibson-starring-vehicle script. I sent Dave some stuff that I thought was pretty good. He savaged it as he usually does, sent it back, allowed me to nurse my wounds, and then wrote his next batch.

Its interesting… I think Dave must be evolving as a writer and applying stuff he’s picking up from his Manager, Agent, Accountant, Manservant, Cappucino-Foam-Applyer and whomever else. The types of notes he’s giving me are good (not that his previous notes weren’t) – and not always the sort of stuff he previously focused on, necessarily, so something’s changed somewhere. This is all good, mind you.

I think the script itself is pretty good stuff, too. We’re up to nearly 100 pages now, and are only now inching toward act III. We’ll definitely have some substantial editing and clean-up ahead of us before its all said and done. That, or we'll have the "War & Peace" of B-Movies.

So at least on that front, Producer Dude was right. One door closes, 5 more open.


Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Why I Don't Blog Enough

There are some (you know who you are) who have noticed that I do not post a "blog" on this "blog" nearly as often as I used to. Some of you (you know who you are, too) have also noticed that this lack of "blogging" corresponds with my rise in all things writing. Getting a Manager. Getting an Agent. Still others (you should have a good idea who you are) have put two and two together and decided that since I am on the cusp of greatness, I no longer feel obligated to "blog" with Charlie, my "blogging" partner.

You are wrong.

Some others (you have been duly notified who you are) know that I have recently moved from California to New York, and have deduced that here in New York, nobody actually "blogs" anymore, hence my lack of "blogging" is due to my new-found East Coast snobbishness.

You are also wrong.

A few of you (possibly clueless as to who you are) think I'm not blogging because I am dead. And Charlie is keeping up pretences for various reasons which we shan't go into here on this "blog."

You are more or less wrong.

The truth is... I have not "blogged" as much as I have in the past because... I am unemployed.

Back when I had a job. I did a lot of "blogging" at work. Don't tell anybody. Or rather, go ahead and tell, I don't work there anymore. Now that I no longer have my very own cubicle to "blog" from, I find it hard to remember to "blog" when I am at home, when there are so man"blogs."

So if you want me to "blog" more, someone give me a damn job!

It's nice being an up-and-coming writer in the Hollywood scene.. but until something actually sells, the homeless guy on the street corner makes more money than I do.

So now you know.

Oh, yeah. Charlie gave me his latest pages on the pygmy/incest/underwater/feng shui flick we're writing. I've re-written them and am now writing new pages. Continuing the journey.

And no word from Producer Dude. I think he died.

Cock On,


Thursday, July 20, 2006

In My Defense…

So as Dave previously mentioned, I recently finished a rewrite of my own work. And as he so diplomatically noted, I put together a super compelling scene in our Shogun/forbidden-love/mountain-climbing/Gulf War/romantic-comedy screenplay, and sent if off to him, smug that I’d finished several pages.

And, as you saw, he callously tossed it back, pointing out a minor flaw in the entire direction I’d taken the script in.

In my defense, though, what we had was a little confusing.

Say, for example, our script were taking place in the Holland Tunnel in NYC. Dave writes a great scene in which our characters struggle to get through traffic, Frogger-style, ducking semis, taxis, and screaming New Yorkers of all sorts, as the ceiling caves in. Scary, scary, stuff. And I don’t want to give anything away, but I bet someone gets run over.

Anyhow… so they make it to the other side of the tunnel, breathlessly resting at a passageway entrance.


Charlie writing a scene.

I read this, and misinterpret where he’s left off as the entrance to ANOTHER tunnel. Not the one they’re in. So I write a scene with them speeding down a branching lane of the Holland Tunnel on hoverboards, escaping the…erm… let’s say… Morlocks… and... um... Zombie New Yorkers… yeah - drooling, maniacal, "how-ya-dooin'" spouting Zombie New Yorkers that are chasing them.

Easy enough. But then I find out that there is no branching lane. No second tunnel. There’s just that one tunnel. And now its closed off, because of the cave-in.

I was thinking Snake Pliskin, and Dave was channeling Stallone in “Daylight.”

See? Not as cut and dried as boarding an exploding plane, huh?

Anyhow… I rewrote it. Amazing how someone just happened to leave jackhammers, goggles, a backhoe, and three sticks of dynamite laying around in our metaphorical Holland Tunnel, huh?

I think we’re back on track. I’ve once again smugly sent it off to Dave, who’s too busy vacationing in the Hamptons with his family, manager, agent, accountant, and manservant, Maurice, to actually read it, much less write the next bit.

In the meantime, then, I may just write the next scene, even though it ain’t my turn.

Yeah… I’m crazy. I roll like that.

Now… let’s see… did I leave off with them boarding the plane full of snakes, or escaping Lex Luthor on a pirate ship?


Keywords: , , , , , ,

Sunday, July 16, 2006

We Wait and We Wonder

So anyone ever mention that a large portion of a screenwriter's job was to sit on his or her thumb and wait for the paint to dry?

Obviously we're waiting for Producer Dude to kick something into gear on Siege. Nothing but waiting there.

Also, Charlie and I alternate waiting for the other one to do something on the next pygmy/screaming half-naked co-eds/millennium flick. Now you could say that we could be good, prolific writers, and work on other sequences while we wait. But we're not. So stop that.

Right now, I'm waiting for Charlie. He actually sent me a first draft of the next bit, and we had a disconnect. I blame him. And me. 50/50. Here's a hypothetical example of our disconnect.

Say that I ended the last sequence with "Scooby and Shaggy race away from the airplane as it explodes, sending a fireball across the tarmac."

Then Charlie kind of started the next scene with "Scooby and Shaggy board the airplane and fly off to find Scooby Snacks."

See? A Disconnect. I blew up the plane, he get on the plane.

This is half my fault. Looking back, I could have been clearer about the fact that the plane had, in fact, blown up, and that there were no other planes for them to board.

And it is half Charlie's fault. He could have read my damn words and paid attention.

So I sent it back to Charlie, and he's rewriting the scene, somehow finding a way to reach Scooby Snacks that doesn't involve the plane. You know, the one I blew up in a fireball that raced across the tarmac.

I am also waiting in my own, non-Charlie, in fact better-than-Charlie, line of existence. My Manager gave a final, final, final copy of my feature to An Agent (actually My Agent now, but only in words, paperwork is still being signed. Once signed, An Agent will become My Agent. I rock.) and we are waiting for the response from An Agent. If An Agent likes it, then they will combine forces and sell my script to Hollywood, and I will become rich. That is the goal, anyway.

An Agent has had my script for two weeks. My Manager has heard nothing from An Agent. See, we gave AN Agent the script right before July 4th. And it seems that July 4th is about a 2-week holiday in Hollywood. So An Agent is just getting back to work. Plus, An Agent has another client who has just had a TV series premiere to good ratings and good reviews, so An Agent is kinda busy.

So I'm waiting.

I hate waiting.

I'll write more later, but you'll have to wait for it.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

On Juggling...

Yesterday over lunch I was discussing my "2nd job" with a buddy from work.

Right now, things at work are especially busy, so when he learned that I'm actively working on a screenplay with Dave, he was shocked.

"Where do you find the time?" he asked, incredulously.

Unfortunately, though, the tone just wasn't the same as someone who might inquire "What? You work with quadriplegic orphans, teaching them quantum physics? Where do you find the time?!"

Instead - and maybe I'm just being overly sensitive here - his inquiry seemed to carry more of a "So you spend time at work slacking by sneaking in some screenwriting, huh?" vibe.

Now, I'll be honest here... I've certainly taken 15 minutes here, or 30 minutes there, to make some tweaks to work Dave or I have done, while sitting at my desk at the office. That said, its been during my lunch hour. I've never blatantly sat at my desk, ignoring other priorities, so I can crank out the latest scenes in our Voodoo-Zombie/Surfboarding/Little-People/Wagon-Train/Gay-Cowboy opus.

Rather, it typically goes something like this. Dave sends me an updated draft. My turn to write.

I think about what I want to write for a couple of days. Usually this takes place in the shower, or while driving to work, or laying in bed at night. As a working stiff with a wife and a 2 year old kid, those are the only times when my brain isn't pounded with other stuff. I can actually stop, and think, during those times. Probably explains why a lot of my scenes have waterfalls, Howard Stern, or Natalie Portman in them.

Once my ideas are formulated, I then spend a couple of days WANTING to sit down and write, but not actually doing it. "Tonight's the night," I'll tell myself. But that night my kid won't go to sleep in a timely manner. Or Big Brother XVIII premiers on CBS. Or I get drunk and pass out. You know the deal.

But eventually, if I'm patient and sober enough, the perfect storm rolls along.

Last night my wife was exhausted after work. She came home. We ate leftovers. Bathed the kid. And then the two of them conked out in bed, fast asleep.

By like... 8:30!

So I sat, and wrote. And wrote some more. Finally at 1:30am the wife rolled into the living room.

"What the hell are you doing?!" she demanded.

"Writing!" I exalted, thrilled to have put 6 pages to paper.

"Writing to dirty sluts in one of those MySpace chatrooms or something?!" she inquired suspiciously.

"Um... no. Writing the Camel-Rodeo/Lithuanian-twins/Superhero/romantic-comedy that Dave and I have been working on."

"Oh. Well knock it off and come to bed. You have to be at work by 8 tomorrow."

And so I finish the scene, email it to Dave, and shut down the powerbook, knowing that I've done my part, and now I can start nagging Dave again, clawing my way to higher moral ground as the guy who wrote the last scene.

At least until he cranks out his pages in a day, sends it back, and I slog back into battle... juggling work, getting my kid to bed, watching Big Brother XVIII, and drinking.

And, of course, my new favorite past-time. Writing to dirty sluts in one of those MySpace chatrooms or something.


Keywords: , , , , , , "

Friday, July 07, 2006

When it Feels Good

There's nothing better than handing off a newly-finished portion of the script to Charlie.

Well, yes. Sex is good. And a good burger, I like good burgers. And anything to do with my kids.

But you get the point.

I did my bit and passed the buck to Mr. Charlie. The pygmy/toxic/lesbian/political thriller script is coming along nicely. Though it may be too long. We're on page 80, and we've got a bunch of big scenes to write. So we'll write what we want, then cut out 50 pages until it's a happy 95-105 pages. Shouldn't hurt too much. I'll just cut all of Charlie's stuff, anyway.

Now, of course, there is this added element because while we're still pretty much writing for ourselves, there's the knowledge that My Manager will read the finished product and possibly push it to Sci-Fi Channel if she likes it. So pressure, pressure, pressure.

Meanwhile, Producer Dude is.. oh who really cares. We've got a script. He hasn't got any money. Read any post in the last few months and you'll get the gist of the latest news.

We're sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo close.

Sorry for the short post, but I'm plum out of ideas. Spent them all on the kick-ass scene I just wrote and gave to Charlie.

Peace, out.

And God Bless Natalie Portman.

(By the way, I'm not spell-checking this entry because my computer is spinning and I'm impatient. Deal with it. It's blogging without a net.)

Friday, June 30, 2006

Godly Excrement!

Its pretty much status quo here in B Movie WriterLand.

Stuff’s happening, but nothing dramatic.

We’re writing away on the untitled midget-wrestler-amazon-snakes-on-a-tugboat-harry-potter-ripoff script. A couple of weeks ago I managed to get through the last scene I blogged about. It was tough finding time, so I rushed a bit. It was pretty amusing how Dave responded.

“So I read what you wrote, and liked most of it. But you sure used ‘Holy Sh*t’ a lot with the characters. Were you trying to be ironic or something, or was that just lazy?”

Now here’s the thing -- since I rushed, I didn’t go back and re-read what I sent. And as the result, I may have been a little liberal with the term.

It’s just that as I wrote all of this horrific stuff happening, I kept hearing the characters yell out “Holy sh*t!” in my head. Frankly, its what *I* would say if I just saw my best friend rendered from limb to limb by cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers, redundant or not.**

But I wasn’t being ironic. Nay… I’m not nearly that clever, I fear.

Now was I being lazy, per se. It’s not like I couldn’t THINK of anything else to say but “Holy sh*t.” Nope. Its just how the characters spoke to me. That, and I was being sloppy and rushed in not doing a review and clean-up before sending it to Dave.

But neither’s the same as lazy.


Getting downright Clintonian, ain’t I?

Anyhow… Dave did his rewrites, cleverly changing some of the exclamations to things like “Holy poop,” “blessed sh*t,” and “Godly excrement.”

Not lazy, but definitely ironic.

So I then went back and cleaned it all up, and then decided I should re-read the entire script from the beginning again, having a spare moment finally. I did so, and made a number of clean-up type revisions through the entire script so far, and have now submitted it back to him.

And now the ball’s in Dave’s park. Its funny… he would bust my chops DAILY when it was my turn to write, nagging me incessantly, making me feel like a slacker and bad partner. Me. The guy with an actual day job. Me, the one who gets up daily and goes to work in an actual office… wearing pants and everything.

But when I bug him, its like…

“I’m going to get on it as soon as I can, Charlie, but I’m busy working on a rewrite of another project I have due to my manager and agent on Friday.”

“Yes, Charlie… did I mention I have a manager and agent!?! That’s right, bitch. Manager AND agent.”

Anyhow… things are rolling along, and we’re making progress, one “holy sh*t” at a time.


** Calm down… I’m using this as a silly example. Sadly there are no actual CHUDs in this movie.

Keywords: , , , , , , "

Thursday, June 22, 2006

What's Good For Me Is Good For Us

So like, all of you devoted readers out there are well aware that my individual writing career is taking huge leaps forwards towards legitimacy. Now I'm not yet at the point where I can ignore this blog once and for all, or order a hit on Charlie to get his whiny behind outa my way, but I'm close.

I have My Manager. My Manager rocks and is currently helping me develop 2 features, 1 TV show, and a Graphic Novel treatment. For starters. Now, she's setting me up with An Agent. (Not yet My Agent, just An Agent.) I have a call with An Agent later today (much later, actually) and An Agent may or may not decide to sign me.

So I've got that going for me.

But I am still devoted to Charlie, my limp limb of a partner, dragging me down with his continual hackery. So after My Manager had a meeting with Sci-Fi Channel, wherein they were very interested in our TV show, as well as some other ideas we have, they came back to My Manager with something along the lines of:

"So, you know, we do a lot of Sci-Fi B-Movies. Would your guy want to write some for us?"


So My Manager comes to me and says:

"David, you've written a lot of B-Movies. Any of them Sci-Fi?"

"Uhmmm... sure."

"Let me see them and maybe we can submit them to Sci-Fi."

So I go through my shelf of scripts, looking for ones that aren't currently entangled up with Producer Dude. And it hits me. I'm currently writing a Sci-Fi B-Movie with Charlie. The pygmy/holocaust/insect/musical thing. So I send what we have to My Manager. Then I tell Charlie that I did so. He's cool. I make sure My Manager understands that this script is one I'm writing with a partner.

And My Manager likes it.

So now when Charlie and I finish this thing, My Manager will look it over, and then (after some probable notes) send it out to Sci-Fi Channel for them to digest. And maybe they'll want to make it. It's more or less right up their alley.

So my fledgling success is now officially opening a door for Charlie and Me.

And that's what it's all about, right?

Monday, June 19, 2006

In The Heat Of The Night

It’s hot.

Summer in Atlanta hot. Nothing outrageous, but a good 93 degrees outside, according to the thermometer on the patio.

Inside it’s only slightly better. The freaking A/C filter needs changing and I’ve realized it far too late in the day to really act upon it. I swung by the grocery store, but they don’t have the right size. Home Depot is closed, and I’m too lazy to drive the ½ hour distance to a Walmart, Kmart or similar that’d be open past 9.

I’m sitting in front of my laptop, Final Draft open, scene ideas percolating in my head. But each time I put fingers to keys, I get distracted.

I start to type.

PLOP. A bead of sweat drops from my forehead onto the SPACE key.

“Damn,” I mutter aloud. My dog, Ralph, looks up at me from the shade of an end table. He’s panting like Pat O’Brien on a cellphone call.

(Two Pat O’Brien jokes in a row! Wooo hoooo!)

I try to focus. We’ve just gotten to the first batch of action scenes in the second act, and I’ve been mentally pounding out this sequence in my head for more than a month now. I just need to put it to paper.

Just. Put. It. To. Paper.

Suddenly an IM dialogue box pops to the front of my screen.

“bbstucco: Howdy, partner!!”

It’s Dave. I sigh. No doubt he’s gonna bust my chops, wondering when he’ll get the scenes. Sure, its easy to be impatient when you’re sitting up in NY, man-of-leisure, nothing to do but place calls to your Manager and harass your writing partner on your “low priority” projects. And what the hell is he doing up so late?

I reply, heading him off at the pass. “Hey Dave. Working on it right now…”

5 seconds passes. No reply. Then 15. 30. A minute.

I shut off the iBook, open the window, and go to bed.

Tomorrow is a new day. And Home Depot opens at 9am.


Keywords: , , , ,

Friday, June 09, 2006

Of B-Pride And B-Prejudice

Over lunch today I was talking with a buddy who used to be in showbiz. Granted, it was several years ago, and it was on the Springer Show, but it was showbiz.

As we were talking about entertainment stuff I decided to let him in on my “other” job – writing. He was both intrigued and excited as I told him about our potential/semi/pseudo-success with SEIGE, which may or may not someday get made.

“It sounds like fun… I’d love to read it!” he enthused.

Oddly, I didn’t feel quite so excited. “I dunno,” I hemmed, “its still in a funky contractual limbo… I hate to really have anyone else look at it.”

He wasn’t convinced. “Come on! It’s just me. I’m not going to show it to anyone, or copy the idea or anything. I just think it’d be fun to read.”

Having hemmed, I decided to try hawing. “It’s just a b-movie, you know. Full of big action flick clichés and over the top dialogue. We tried to have fun with it, but there’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

Rather than shaking him off the scent, he only got more excited.

“Do you blow up something big? Maybe a plane or a helicopter or something cool?”

“A helicopter,”
I weakly replied.

“Kickass! And does your hero have to like… I dunno… save a buddy or his kid or wife or something, like in COMMANDO?”

I sighed. “His wife.”

“YES! And is there a Mexican standoff?!”

I felt like I was talking dirty to Pat O’Brien or something. He was just way too into it. Thing is, I think my buddy actually really digs B-action-movies, and was genuinely excited and interested.

But me? I hate to say it, but I was feeling pretty embarrassed. I mean… we know, and have acknowledged here and elsewhere, that SEIGE is very much a b-movie. Hell, there’s a reason we named this blog what we did. But for some reason, the idea of this guy reading the screenplay made my skin crawl.

I’m proud of SEIGE, in the context of what it is. We were given pretty specific conditions for the location, characterizations, market… even the title. So, for a b-action-movie, I think it’s a fun little script. We tried to create some entertaining action sequences starring some larger-than-life heroes and villains.

But without that context (or without seeing it on-screen at 3 in the morning on TNT), I’m afraid it’ll come off as… I dunno… “B.” Maybe I’m being overly sensitive. Lots of people like what generally qualify as “b” movies. He certainly seemed to.

Regardless, I told him no. He seemed disappointed, but I promised to get him a copy of the DVD if it ever actually gets funded/cast/shot/edited/printed/screened/pressed. I’m hoping the final product will make us proud, and they’ll do our little script justice.

If not, though, at least I’ll have the reassurance of knowing that we’ve been paid as I wince, watching him toss SEIGE into his DVD player.


Keywords: , , , ,

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Greetings From Dobbs Ferry!

So, like, I'm in New York.

The house is a mess, I have no day job (anyone out there hiring?), it's been raining pretty much ever since I got here.

So how have you been?

I drove a 22-foot truck, towing my Prius on a flatbed behind it with my Father-In-Law from LA to NY. (Prius got incredible gas mileage. ;)) Saw parts of this great land of ours I ain't ever seen before, and likely won't ever see again. Was nowhere near Atlanta, so I didn't get to stop in and see Charlie. I'm forgetting what he looks like. I think he might be American Indian. A bald one, I'm pretty sure.

In other news, there is much news to share.

My Manager (I love saying that) had another successful meeting with Sci-Fi Channel. She pitched a TV Series that we're working on, and they were interested. Not "I'm buying this right now!" interested, but more like "You're offer intrigues me, I would like to take some of your literature home with me and learn more about your services."

But in any case, it's an open door to Sci-Fi Channel. Is that not awesome?

Also, while there, Sci-Fi Channel said to My Manager "You know, we make a lot of Sci-Fi B-movies. Your guy have any of those?"

So naturally, I sent My Manager the unfinished pygmy/nudist/tribal/aliens/midget script that Charlie and I are working on. No word if they'll like it. No word if My Manager will even pass it on to them, but it's a start.

And in this business, we're all about starts. Right?

Who's with me?


Oh, no word from Producer Dude, except to say we're sooooooooooooooooooo close.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Schwag Is A Damn Fine Idea!

As most of you know by now, Dave and I write by night. During the day I'm actually a mild-mannered internet geek, slaving away for a major medical-news

So... my geek side got uber-excited when I heard about a great new website - ValleySchwag. Its truly a fantastic "web 2.0" kind of idea.

In short, the guys at this new company go around to the zillions of internet start-ups in the Silicon Valley area and hit them up for the cool schwag that every has.

In bulk.

They then turn around and sell subscription packages of schwag to nerds like me, who want to be the first kid on their block to sport a Technorati or Digg t-shirt.

Frankly, its brilliant, and makes me insane that I didn't think of it first.

I mean... Hollywood is rife with crappy schwag. Nearly every good movie production and/or premiere results in some form of schwag. T-shirts. Letter jackets. Miscellany. For awhile I was collecting fun movie premiere schwag. My favorite was (no joke) a bottle of SOMETHING ABOUT MARY hair gel.

I gotta think there'd be a killer market for taking this idea to LA. Bloody shame I'm in Atlanta now. Hey... I know... I'll get Dave to be the front man.

Oh wait. He bailed, too.

Anyhow... as I mentioned, I'm a geek. I ordered and received my first VALLEYSCHWAG goodie bag today.

It included a Ruby Labs tshirt, a whole gaggle of stickers from companies like Feedburner, Riya, EFF.ORG (good guys... kinda the ACLU of the internet world), and most disturbingly, a GOATSE sticker. For those of you not familiar with Goatse, check out this Wikipedia entry for the history of Goatse. Scary stuff, for sure.

Anyhow... for $14.95, I'm a little disappointed. A single t-shirt and a handful of stickers ain't worth the dough. I hope they do a bit better with June's shipment, otherwise it'll be time to cancel with Valleyschwag and start calling the guys in the studio marketing departments to pitch Holleyschwag.


Keywords: , , , , , , ,

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

LOST, In Translation

Its 9pm on a Monday night here in Italy. The streets are empty. The bars quiet. The Ristoranti nearly deserted.

Political unrest? A big soccer match? Free pasta at the local enoteca?

Au contraire. Monday night is LOST night in Italy.

And tonight is a biggie. The finale of season one. I hunt high and low for my in-laws, not knowing this, until I find them all crammed into the living room, huddled in front of the TV.

On-screen, Jack and Lock discover the secret of the Black Rock. Michael and crew set sail. The hatch is blown open.

I'm peppered, non-stop, with excited questions from my relatives:

"Do we find out what's in the hatch?"

"Is it aliens?"

"What are the monsters in the woods?"

"Who are the others?"

I smile and nod knowingly, a wise veteran of next-season American TV, and give nothing away. Ironically, of course, I know zilch. A season later, LOST is as enigmatic as ever, and unless a whole heck of a lot was revealed in the episodes that have played out (and been tivo-ed) in my absence, I really have no more knowledge to offer them.

But its fun to SEEM like I know what's going on.

Its funny... for all the cultural differences between Italians and Americans, we're united in our love for LOST.

To paraphrase, "Good TV knows no boundaries."


Wednesday, May 17, 2006

The Post Has Nothing To Do With Writing.

So I'm writing this post from the heart of beautiful Tuscany, Italy.

"Wow," you might be saying to yourself, "must be nice seeing all those amazing Italian landmarks."

But, see, that's where it all falls apart.

Though I'm in beautiful Tuscany, Italy, I'm staying at my in-laws. After 5 days here, we've taken exactly one excursion, to the always lovely Lucca. Otherwise, its been a lotta sittin'-around-and-yammerin'-in-Italian. Not exactly a Curillo Tour De Force (Dave, you'll get the Curillo reference in a few months, after watching NY TV for awhile).

Now... for my wife, this is the dream vacation. For me, though, its kinda like going to the Playboy mansion, wearing dual eyepatches.

Hopefully we'll do more stuff... don't get me wrong. Being here in itself is great. ANd watching my son interact with a side of his family he's never met is wonderful.

But there's a side of me that's dying to get in the car and drive to San Gimignagno, or something.

Anyhow... I felt like I had to blog and bitch... if for no other reason than to keep Grubber from giving up on us!!

Back to Teletubbies in Italian, now. Thank God there's lots of wine.


Friday, May 12, 2006

Storm Warnings?

Charlie is correct, in that this site will likely be quiet for a little bit later this month. I'm making my trek across the States, Charlie is living it up overseas, drinking his frustration away, nary a blog will be seen between us.

And of course, now it gets interesting.

Latest from Producer Dude (as of this morning): Cash-Cash has hit the states. It's in NY. You could say I'm going to visit it, but we'll miss each other because they're trying to get it to LA. Personally, I've heard of these things called "Wire Transfers" and "Writing Big Checks" as good ways to do this, but I'm young and foolish.

In any case, cash-cash is definitely in this country, which is a big step forward. Because it's hard to bankroll a film from Kazakstan. The exchange rate just screws everyone up.

Seriously, what does this mean? You got me. It might mean that money will land in our hands in weeks. It may mean that we'll have a hundred more posts of "Oooo, we're so friggin' close this time!" and so forth. It may mean nothing.

But I wanted to let the loyal listeners know, because we're here for you.

In other, me-centric news. Said Manager has officially become My Manager. Note the name change. My Manager basically said "David, we like you. Let's make this real." and I said "It wasn't real?"

But as I said, I'm young and foolish.

I've a friend (no really, I do!) who says that the only times that managers want to make things officially is when they smell money.

I take that as a good sign.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

The Calm Before The Storm... (We Hope)

So for the next couple of weeks, things will probably be a bit mellow around here.

I’m leaving on Friday for two weeks in Italy. Since this is a family trip to visit my wife’s family there, I’ll most likely make some time to write. But I don’t know that I’ll be doing a lot of blogging from the bowels of Tuscany, so this may be my last post for a week or two.

Ironic side note… several months ago, in this very blog, I lamented the fact that they’d almost be certainly shooting SIEGE while I was in Italy, minimizing the chances of me being able to visit the set and get a cameo or something. As you can now see, this consternation was an utter waste of emotion and time.

Anyhow… while I’m off drinking wine to the point of blindness, Dave will be packing up and then schlepping across the country. Hmmm… two weeks with the in-laws or a cross country move. Both sound like a treat, huh?

So… if things get a bit quiet, we’re not dead. We haven’t thrown in the towel. The band hasn’t broken up. Au contraire, all signs indicate that things are just getting hot. The money’s starting to maybe, kinda, sorta stir around again and we’re told that “no-really-they-mean-it-this-time.”

And Dave has himself a fancy manager. Which means I have a manager-in-Law. I’m frankly quite excited about this development because, even though his fancy manager has no clue I exist, when Dave suddenly becomes the hottest writer in Hollywood and (inevitably) kicks me to the curb, I still have a couple of scripts co-written with the hottest writer in Hollywood that I can pimp around town.

I’m perfectly comfortable being the Jerome to Dave’s Morris Day.

Oh weee oh weee oh.


Keywords: , , , , ,

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Just Relax, We Know What We're Doing

While we wait for news from Producer Dude and/or New Producer Guy for word on Siege, and while I wait from Charlie for word on the pages I sent him last week on our pygmy/blimp/orgy script, my thoughts turn to one of my other works.

I have a script. I've worked on it for years. It is, easily, my best work. It has gone through about 18 revisions. Said Manager really likes this script, and we've been working on it together for a while, honing it, sharpening it, smoothing it out. Making it all shiny. Now Said Manager tells me that they are going to start pitching it all over town.

That's awesome. I've never had a script pitched all over town. I've never really had a script pitched all over my room, to be honest.

And then Said Manager says "We're describing it as X (famous movie) meets Y (another famous movie.)

I'm being vague because I don't want to spoil the goose, but let's say that Said Manager was telling me "We're pitching it as Shrek meets Finding Nemo." (My script is not animated, so I figure this is as off-topic as possible.

In this scenario, let's say my script was about a family of Ogres who find happiness by eating people in the nearby village. So sure, I've got Ogres, Shrek has Ogres. I kinda get that. But Finding Nemo? In one scene, say, the Ogres go fishing and eat a bunch of catfish. That's the closest I can get to Finding Nemo. So why is Said Manager using Finding Nemo in the pitch? Just because it was a successful movie? I don't understand.

That's kinda how it is with my script. One of the famous movies Said Manager is using to describe my script makes sense to me. One does not. Except that, well, it was a big hit and is in the same genre. But a family of Ogres eating people is a far cry from Finding Nemo. Even if both films are made by Pixar.

Are there rules to this sort of thing? Anyone out there have tales of really strange movies they've had their work compared to for various reasons?

When I wrote The Eliminator (under a different title, still hate the title they went with) I called it "Survivor meets The Most Dangerous Game." The people in C-Movie land have never, it seems, read a book or taken a high school English class, and had no idea what The Most Dangerous Game was. I also couldn't be sure they'd ever actually watched TV. Eventually, I think they pushed the final film as "TimeCop meets Predator" for whatever that's worth.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Something is Going to Break!

That was the direct quote from Producer Dude over IM today.

Is that good news? I dunno. I think it means it's the latest round of "Oh, we're soooo close! Can you taste it? Can you taste it? CAN YOU SMELL WHAT PRODUCER DUDE IS COOKING?"

Here's the tangled web being woven. See if you can keep up.

Producer Dude is working hard on getting the Siege money (@ half a million) out of the "banks" in "Ireland" where his "Investor" lives. He's also working hard on a Much Larger Deal (more money, more films, more champagne wishes and caviar dreams) that isn't connected to the Ireland deal. If it goes first, he'll pull Siege out of the Ireland deal and into his Much Larger Deal, where it would be the first out of the box, at @ half a million.

Meanwhile, New Producer Guy is still in the picture, albeit behind closed doors. Word on the street (don't ask me which street) is that he's still working money out of his second money man. Right now, there's a kind of race between Producer Dude and New Producer Guy as to who hits cash-cash first and therefore, who makes Siege.

Meanwhile, why is New Producer Guy using his second money man on Siege? Because the first money man is now soooooo close to signing on the dotted line to produce another of New Producer Guy's projects, which just happens to be written by me.

So now there are four different money men working with two different producers trying to get a film made that is written either by Charlie and Dave, or just Dave.

And odds are, you'll never see any of these films, even if they get made.

Ain't movie-making magical?

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Oooooh, You Make Me Live...

It’s just about 12:15 when an IM bloops up on my laptop’s screen, covering the excel spreadsheet I’ve been buried in for the better part of an hour.

This is one of the best parts of my daily routine. Most of the communication I deal with is oriented around people wanting SOMETHING. Status. Reports. Updates. Schedules. Documentation. Whatever. Whether it’s a phone call, email, instant message, or in-person visit, it’s almost always oriented around a demand of some sort.

But this is different. Almost every day, around this time, that magic bloop signals an engagement without agenda. They usually are instigated with some random comment… either a salutation, or a movie quote, or song lyrics. Which is what makes them fun.

"You there... with the funny hat!


"Again with the 'I'm here before you because I have a 3-hour jump on your ass.' thing!"


“Ollie Ollie Oxen free!"

Yes, it’s my good buddy and writing partner, Dave, with his daily check-in. Even if we have no business to discuss – and lately that’s been the case more often than not – we always have a little friendly banter.

It’s interesting how the internet age has changed the definition of a friend. A few weeks ago the brilliant tv show The Colbert Report did one of their “reports” on a guy with millions of “friends,” all of them on MySpace. While that piece was an exaggeration, it raises an interesting question. What is the definition of a friend?

Dave’s wife, Mrs. Dave, and I had a version of this conversation earlier in the week. She was talking about their upcoming move out of LA, and how they have so many people to see before they leave – and how, interestingly, some of them actually seem offended that Dave and Mrs. Dave have decided to relocate.

I noted that when we left LA last summer, we snuck out in the dead of night, avoiding the need to rent out a private room at Spago to say goodbye to all of our acquaintances. Mrs. Dave countered that it was less a matter of ducking out, and more a matter of having no friends to actually sneak away from.

She can toss out the acidic zingers, Mrs. D. She’ll do well in New York!

Anyhow… it got me thinking. Despite having a relationship that exists primarily in “cyberspace” (God, I hate that term), that is conducted mostly via Instant Message, I certainly consider Dave a good friend. Mrs. Dave, too. They’re good people, with good hearts. Plus they drink a lot. I like that in a friend, even a long-distance one.

Soon Dave and the Davettes will be loading up and heading East. Dave – I have a simple request: As you work your way across the country, desperately mainlining NO-DOZ and McDonald’s coffee as your sit blearily-eyed behind the wheel of a massive UHAUL truck, please make a point of pulling over each day around noon Eastern, and instant message me. We can keep it short. Just a quickie George Michael lyric, or line from “Babe” (the pig, not the ballplayer). Its pretty much all that keeps my going amidst the barrage of metaphorical ass-kickings that make up my job.

Oh yeah… and you might want to consider “accidentally” dumping the hybrid car somewhere around Oklahoma. That namby-pamby Hollywood shit don’t fly in Brooklyn.


Keywords: , , , , , , ,