My Own Distractions

Sometimes it's just really hard to focus and write.

While I sit at my computer, drumming my fingers, waiting for Charlie to finish his turn with the big naked midget/lacrosse/caveman epic, I am working on my own projects. Right now, I'm concentrating on a project I've had for a long time, one that My Manager loves, and is pushing me to finish.

I have the whole thing plotted out, and have for years. But for the longest time, I got about 1/3 of the way into Act 2 and I couldn't push on. I knew what needed to happen in the story, but I didn't, or wouldn't, finish.

So about a month ago I finally pushed, got through the daunting section, and have been speeding along like a supersonic monorail. Now I'm at another sticky, slow, molasses-like section that I need to plow through.

So I'm checking email. And surfing the Web. And watching all the movie trailers on apple.com/trailers, even the foreign ones that I'd never want to see in a million years. I'm sweeping up the cat litter. Pulling some weeds outside. Filing.

I only get, maybe 2 hours tops each day to write. So if I do enough other things, that time will pass and I won't have to write today.

But I'll feel guilty.

It's tough. You get into these moods. You want to write, but it's really hard. Right now, I need to break down a large action sequence. It's complicated. My brain hurts.

So I empty the dishwasher.

And blog.

I think the baby's awake. I'll have to write tomorrow.

Driven to Distraction

Last night was the night.

I’d printed off the last 20 pages of the script to refresh myself. I was going to go home eat dinner, re-read the last stuff we’d written, and open a can of screenplay whoopass.

Ate dinner. Sat down on the couch with my laptop.

Hrmmm… what’s on TV?

No. No. Must fight urge. Besides, it’s a crappy tv night. Turn off the TV.

Grab the printed pages. Read through them. Good stuff. Damn… we’re good. This is scary and funny and… what the f… I only have 10 pages here! Where’s the rest?

Boot up laptop. Scrounge for my final draft CD (I’ve used up all my installs, so now I have to shlep the actual disk between computers). Pop it in. Start the program. Open the file. Scroll to page 101.

Oh yeah. Good stuff indeed. Now that… THAT is a great line. God, I hope I wrote it. I can’t even remember anymore. Damn. It’s too good actually. Dave probably wrote it. God, I hate him.

Man. I’m hungry. Well… not so much hungry as craving ice cream. Get some ice cream. Eat it as I finish reading the pages.

Ok. Time to continue this thing. Really pound it out. And write some lines even better than that one Dave had on page 106. God, I hate him and his good lines.

Clackity clack. Hehehehe… oh yeah… that’s a good one. Suck on this Dave…

Up to a page now. Digging where this is going. Oh yeah, baby.

Huh? Oh man… it’s 12:20am. I have work in the morning. I can’t keep going. Gotta shut down and call it a night.

Save my work. Reread my new line that’s so much better than the one Dave wrote on page 106. On second thought, mine sucks. Holy Christ, I'm a hack. I don't deserve to put pen to paper. Now I’ll have to re-visit this line tomorrow. God, I hate Dave and his good lines. A pox on him and his computer.

Crawl to bed.

And Dave thinks I’m not working on this thing?! Screw him.

And his good lines, too.

Charlie


Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, Screw Dave!

Who Says I Can't Take A Hint?

I’ve been slammed lately.

Slammed at work.

Slammed at home.

Slammed during the hours when I’m not at work or home (i.e. the commute from hell).

Slammed traveling to Zimbabwe to adopt orphaned babies.

Frankly, I’ve been slammed with everything but the one thing I need to be slammed with – wrapping up our mob-thriller/Japanese-horror-remake/political-comedy. With everything else going on, I keep neglecting writing the final scenes of the movie.

So far Dave’s been a good sport. A typical IM conversation lately has gone something like this…

Dave: Hey amigo. What’s happening?!
Charlie: Not much. You?
Dave: Oh… not much. Just writing, you know.
Charlie: Cool. How’s that going?
Dave: Good. Really good. I’m really cranking through it. Writing, that is. Practically finishing up the script I’m writing.
Charlie: Wow! That’s great!
Dave: Yeah… of course, this is one of those scripts I’m writing on my own. No partner. Did I mention I’m almost done with writing it?
Charlie: Um… yeah.
Dave: Yesiree. Practically finished up writing that 3rd act in a day. Fancy that…
Charlie: Auto-reply: Away
Dave: And you need to blog, too, you sonofabitch!

Soon, my friends. Soon.

Charlie

Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter

I Have Not

I have not yet heard back from my pitch.

I have not heard back from My Manager or My Agent with a rundown on the whole LA trip yet.

I have not heard anything from Producer Dude in a while.

I have not gotten Charlie's new pages in a while.

I have not written enough blog posts lately.

I have not ignored the fact that I have still written more than Charlie lately.

I have not gotten any responces from my last post. You don't love me anymore, do you?

Word.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

Well, October anyways. And with the weather turning cold here in New York (it was in the 30's this morning! The friggin' 30's!!!) spending a week in sunny, warm, LA felt like summer.

I went and pitched. I had 13 meetings. 2 for TV. 11 for film.

I had a good week. Thanks to everyone who gave me bits of advice, everything went well, and I only had to take my clothes off a couple of times.

The TV pitches were fun, one more formality than anything, the other legit. My Manager and I have a TV pitch we've worked on and this guy likes it. So this guy is gonna bring it back to his people and see if they like it and so forth. I just hope they're ready for an all-midget version of Payton Place.

The film pitches were also fun. Lots of different reactions to the same material. From the lows of one meeting that, after about 5 minutes I knew was a total waste of everyone's time, to the highs of another meeting that went so well, I'm surprised they didn't propose.

I went in with a stable of pitches: projects of mine in one form or another that I wanted to toss out at folk. I'd get in the room, feel out the person I was meeting with, and choose which projects to pitch to them. The winner, the pitch that got the most reaction and the one I'll probably start to work on right away, was actually a story idea that both My Manager and My Agent didn't like, so it wasn't on the A list of pitches. It didn't even make it into the first couple of pitches. But I started to pull it out for fun and it was the big winner everytime. So I kept pulling it out. Ended up leading with it. I told My Manager and My Agent and they both went, more or less, "Huh. Well I guess we know what your next project is going to be."

Even more fun was when the meeting would take a turn and they'd talk about projects they wanted to pitch me. That happened three times. That's the sweet spot, because if you start working on their projects, they're already invested in the project and are driven to push it through all the red tape that can pop up.

One of those three has come around very quickly, to where I've already come home, worked on their idea, and pitched my take to them over the phone. They liked my pitch, and I'll probably know next week if I've struck gold or struck out.

So in all, a very good trip, some very good meetings, and I am totally jazzed.

Side note: One of the companies I met with would be an absolutely perfect place to land Siege, and for a lot more money than we'll ever see from Producer Dude. Am I tempted to rip it away from Producer Dude and get it set up somewhere else? Of course. But I'm not ready to be that shallow yet, that slimy. Neither, I think, is Charlie. But I have told Producer Dude that as the days tick away without any movement, he needs to be realistic with me and let it go if it's just not going to happen. Remember, Siege was written in Sept. '05 for a Dec. '05 start date. If it goes into '07 without a peep, I may bring it up again. We'll see how some other things go.

Gotta go write. Rock on.

Prepping to Pitch

So first the Siege news.

...

...

Now on to the news on Charlie and my latest earth-in-the-balance/paper cut/sorority car wash period drama. I was going to write the end. All of Act III. Charlie had gotten us to the end of Act II in style, and I was ready to turn on the power and have my way with the keyboard.

I got maybe half way and gave it back to Charlie to finish.

Am I a wimp? Don't answer that. Truth is, it took a long time, and I started to feel bad about hoarding all the glory to myself. Charlie has some great ideas for Act III, and so he can bring us home. We know what we're doing in Act III, we outlined it together a while ago. It was Act II that needed some lovin'. Act III is pretty much written in our heads, we just need to pound the computer and make the magic.

So that's that. Now me.

I'm heading to LA next week. I have meetings with people. People who can give me money to write. This is very exciting, but it means I have to get ready to do something I've never really done before.

Pitch.

I have a number of projects and pitches that My Manager and My Agent like, both for TV and film (I'm meeting with both kinds). I just whipped up another batch of steaming hot ideas and sent them to the forces that be for their assessment. They may or may not get added to the list of things to pull out of my ass when I'm in those small offices trying to keep the attention of a very bored minor-level exec who's wondering how soon he can cut me off and go on a Starbucks run.

See, I've never pitched before. I don't know what to expect. Anyone out there done their share of pitching and have any advice? Because you know that advice from the Internet is gold.

My Agent told me "Dave, these people will have read your script a couple of months ago, so you may have to remind them who you are. And it'll be a pretty cold room, in general, so be ready for that."

So I said "What, like bring a jacket?"

And My Agent said "No, like they don't care who you are and will forget your name the moment you walk out the door, if not sooner. You're gonna do great!"

So I'm getting ready. Going over my ideas. Going over my 5-minute pitches. Going over my 30-second pitches. Going over my 5-second pitches. "It's Curious George meets Solaris, but with tennis players!"

Wish me luck.

It's Always something.

So we’re in the home stretch with our unnamed MTV-stunt-show/Chinese-period-epic/Football-comeback-story/Sean-Penn-Drama screenplay. Dave was going to push all the way through to the finale, but got bogged down at home.

So he wrote a whole bunch, which essentially means re-wrote everything I last wrote, and then added more on top of that. Then he sent it back to me to wrap up.

So Thursday night I sat down to write. Hit the power button on my iBook. And it started booting up.

And kept on starting booting up.

Grey spinning-thingie screen forever. No boot up.

So I take it into the Mac store. Doesn’t look good. Either the HD or the OS is corrupted… hard to know which just yet. So I did what any reasonable geek would do.

I bought a shiny new Apple MACBook, which I’ve been lusting after for months.

Its purty. I should do lots of good writing on it.

So over the weekend I spent time getting it all set up, properly configured, etc. Lunch time today I figure I’ll get in 45 minutes to an hour of writing – or at the very least review what Dave changed and wrote – but no such luck.

In installing Final Draft, I need my registration key. In the past I’ve run it off the CD and didn’t think I needed the registration key if I went that route.

So… despite having the CD, and being ready to roll, I’ll have to go home tonight, dig up the sleeve (which has the key written on it) and then properly install Final Draft.

And THEN I can write, wrapping up the first pass at this script. No more excuses. I mean... at the very least, I can read what Dave's written.

Oh yeah… and we heard from Producer Dude!

Bwahahahhaha… I slay me… I kid, of course. Nothing from Producer Dude in weeks, since we rebuffed his advances in wanting us to kill ourselves writing another spec-yet-commissioned instascript. He’s a good guy, and I’m sure he’ll circle back to Siege in a bit… but for now, we’re back to being off-the-radar.

It’s always something. Actually… on second thought… sometimes – it’s nothing.

Charlie


Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, something, nothing

And We're Back with Sound

Haven't we done this before?

So, like a cruel prom date, Producer Dude got us all worked up once again only to leave us standing at the punch bowl.

Well, OK. It's not like he's said that all the heat we felt the last couple of weeks was a simple case of d**k tease (trying to keep it clean for the sake of the children. It's all about the children.), but we haven't heard *ic* in a couple of weeks, and I, for one, am settling in for another long wait by the phone.

Pessimistic? Me?

See, in the interim, Producer Dude asked Charlie and me if we'd agree to write another film for him on the fly. 6 weeks or so. There's money up front. Enough to.. well.. enough to help out with the Cable bill. We passed. We're just too busy updating this blog to start another script on such short notice.

And truth be told, we are too busy. Charlie has a new job. I have 2 kids. Charlie has 1 kid. I have a host of meetings in LA to prepare for. And Battlestar Galactica is about to kick off season 3, and so there goes a whole other chunk of time for both of us.

But in truth, I think even if we had the time, we'd pass. Right now, as much as I like Producer Dude, and I do, I need him to finalize one of the multitude of deals he has spinning around before I commit to doing more work for him. When we started Siege, it was because Producer Dude needed a script within a couple of months for a November (or December, or something) 2005 start date. It's September 2006, and we're still waiting.

So we're gonna keep waiting. We're writing our pygmy/private detective/baseball/sodomy/Mongolian epic adventure right now. And we'll see what happens.

Keep the faith, fight the power, and smile for the picture, because those prom photos are gonna come back to haunt you.

We’ve Got Heat Lukewarmth!

A lot has happened since I last wrote.

To start with, I’m about 5 pages into my latest pass at the zombie-apocalypse/alien-abduction/stingray-attack script. We’ve now officially broken 100 pages, and are right at the 2nd/3rd act break. Have I mentioned we’ll need to do some editing and rewriting once we finish this first pass?

And in the meantime, things with SIEGE have gone from unofficially dead to… well… I’m not sure what. But definitely not dead.

It all started with an email from Producer Dude a couple of weeks ago, asking us again for the script that we’ve already sent him (and have been asking him to read for nearly a year now). Dave sent it to him.

Within an hour or two he wrote back, as Dave’s previously noted. His response:

“I LOVEEEEEEEEE THIS SCRIPT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

He then apparently sent it on to a couple of other folks – some potential investors, and a potential director.

The response from them was great as well.

Director Man said something to the effect of the writing being very clean and clear, and the flick being a lot of fun to make.

Investor Guy said something like… “Wow, I didn’t want to stop reading!”

Since then, Director Man has even put together a shot list for a couple of key action sequences in the flick… presumably as part of a “package” of materials for investors to review.

So… there’s no money in our pockets, nor is the film exactly in production, but it’s kinda sorta got heat. Maybe not scorching heat, but its moving. I mean – PEOPLE HAVE READ IT, for Christsake! That, in itself, is a huge leap given that, for nearly a year after writing it, no one but Dave and I had read it. And not only have they read it, but people seem to like it!

Like Dave said… its no Godfather. Well… maybe Godfather III. But it’s not going to win any scriptwriting awards. But we did try to make something that’d be fun to watch and, from the sound of it, could be fun to make too.

And hey… if other people are getting excited, so I am!

So I’m trying to keep my expectations in check, but it’s been a fun week or so. And in the meantime, I’m clacking away on the new script so that I can hurry up and get it to Dave, who’s been nagging me daily to get my sh*t together and finish up.

Guess his red marker’s feeling lonely.

Stay tuned…

Charlie

Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, Godfather, resurrection

The Siege Is On?

With full apologies to Glenn Frey.

So emails have been circling like Charlie's hawk the last couple of weeks. There is life in them thar scripts.

Producer Dude is actually making noises about Siege as well another script of mine he's had for, like, 5 years or so.

But this is more movement than we've had on Siege for months, and it kinda came of its own accord. Producer Dude is trying to make some movies, and he's got a hook into something right now and he's force-feeding Siege.

Oh, and he finally read it.

And he loved it.

no big surprise there. Not that we're fantastic, or anything. (though we are) It's just that, well, I know, after all this time, what Producer Dude wants. And I know that we gave it to him with Siege. So when he read it, and he loved it, it was like "Well, duh."

Is it a work of art? We've covered this before. No.

But It's B-Movie Manna from Heaven. And Producer Dude knows it, so Producer Dude is all agog over the script, fired up.

Woooooooo.

Me and Charlie? It's nice to read emails filled with hope.

It'll be much nicer to open up envelopes of cash.

Circling... circling... circling.

I just got back from running a quick errand.

It was pouring rain outside - presumably the outer band of Hurricane Ernesto. As I slowly drove through the rain, I noticed a drenched cat, slowly skulking along a sidewalk next to the road, presumably looking for a dry spot to hide.

Truthfully I wouldn't have given the cat much thought except that, within the blink of an eye, I witnessed the damndest thing.

A hawk or falcon (not sure what the difference is... it was a HUGE bird - like eagle sized, but not an eagle) swooped down and snagged the cat.

Boom. Like that, the was gone, and I continued along in the driving rain.

Craziest thing I've seen in awhile. Its not like I live in the countryside or something. This was urban Atlanta, about as city-esque as it gets. And yet, an episode of Wild Kingdom played out before my eyes. Survival of the fittest and all that.

I can only assume the falcon was up above, circling... circling... circling... waiting for something resembling prey to peek out. I'm sure mice and other rodents are his usual prey, but the rain slowed this cat down just enough for him to strike.

Things with our writing are kind of like that falcon right now. We're circling... circling... circling.

I've been slammed with closing on a house and moving. And I guess somewhere along the line I decided that wasn't enough change, and resigned from my current job, accepting a new gig with a new company. Start in a couple of weeks there.

So, given that its my turn to write scenes in the un-named boxing-drama/high-school-musical/penguin-documentary, we've just been... well... circling. Hopefully after this weekend I'll be able to get the house in order and devote some time to writing in the early half of next week.

And... I know this'll be a shock to regular readers... we still haven't heard from Producer Dude. Presumably he's circling money somewhere. Unlike the cat, though, I bet it skitters away just in time to be safe from his (our?) claws.

And Dave's off circling around the "big time" in Hollywood... breakfasts with Bruckheimer. Lunches with Lucas. Dinners with De Palma. Good on him... maybe he'll get some heat from other avenues.

But next week I'll get my act together... next week I'll stop circling, swoop down with great fury, and tear the unholy sh*t outta the cat that is our latest script. I'm gonna devour that bastard!

Charlie


Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, Wild Kingdom, falcon

Survey Says...

So Charlie's right. The script is in his hands. He's doing this whole "buying a house and moving" thing. Producer Dude is in Latvia trying to drum up funds for Siege, the script he still hasn't read, and I'm not the easiest guy to get a hold of. Although in my defense, I'm always available, just only for a couple of minutes at a time while I Kid Wrangle. And if Charlie doesn't answer my IMs for an hour, is that my fault that I'm not there when he responds?

Meanwhile, My Manager and My Agent sent out My Script a few weeks ago to all sorts of Hollywood people.

The end result?

Nobody wanted it.

My Manager and My Agent assure me this is an expected result. Nobody in Hollywood buys a spec script from an unknown writer. So I shouldn't be discouraged. Truth is, a lot of these same people who didn't want to buy my script want to meet with me. So I'm heading to LA in a bit for a week of meetings.

That's totally cool.

It's quite possible that I'll walk away from the meetings with nothing more than a laurel and a hearty hand shake, but I'm grabbing for the ring. Working on new pitches, new ideas to pitch these Industry Folk. Always getting ready to listen to their ideas and say "Yes, that's a fantastic idea. And I'd love to write it for you!"

True-ish story (I'm slight fuzzy on some details, but it's a good story.). Before we moved here to New York, we had a neighbor in LA. This neighbor was a writer. This neighbor got involved on a story with a producer, who loved it. It was the producer's story (not personal story, but one they wanted to make) and the neighbor worked on it and wrote it for over 2 years with the producer. 2 years, writing for free. So what happened?

It got made, starred a huge star, and made a ton of money.

Because this writer was that good? Sure, but no.. It got made because the producer, who bounced around from studio to studio, like most of them do, wanted to get it made. And he kept at it for 2 years until he got it made.

True story.

What does this have to do with me? Well, I may leave my LA meetings with nothing more than a project to work on with a producer or executive in a production company. But that's often how unknown writers like myself and like Charlie get a start.

So cross your fingers, though the meetings aren't until October.

We're Not Dead!

Sorry things have been so quiet of late, loyal readers. We’re in a wee bit of a lull. Dave’s handed the script off to me, and I haven’t been able to do much with it for a week now. This time next week I’ll be closing on a new house, so we’ve been pretty slammed with moving-type stuff.

As the result, I don’t have anything script-related to convey. And since Dave’s just twiddling his thumbs, he probably doesn’t have much to say, either. Plus getting ahold of him, much less getting him to blog, is kind of like getting updates from Producer Dude.

Speaking of which… still nothing from him since our last conversation a couple of weeks ago. I have to guess he’s still charging wildly into the fray, shouting “I’LL MAKE THIS F*CKING MOVIE” at the top of his lungs. Who knows, maybe he’ll trip over a stack of money while doing so.

So we’re not dead. We’re still hard at work on the untitled Wu Xia / Western / Musical / Period piece. We’re just in a bit of a slow-down. And its all my fault.

I bet Dave would yell at me… if he ever returned my calls or emails. ;)

Charlie

The “B” Is Dead – Long Live The “B”

A couple of weeks ago we had an interesting conversation with Producer Dude.

In it, he essentially noted that he’d written off the investors that we’ve previously written about in this blog (you know… the ones where the money was supposedly here ANY DAY NOW for about 8 solid months).

We gave him a virtual pat on the back and told him it was cool that it didn’t work out. He then got virtually incensed, and virtually screamed that he’s a never-say-die kind of guy, that he doesn’t take no for an answer, and that one door shutting means 5 more open. He virtually marched off, fire in his eyes, brimstone in his nostrils, hell-bent on showing us that NOTHING’s dead.

Of course, that was the last we heard from him.

Don’t get me wrong. I like Producer Dude. I believe he’s out there trying, and that HE believes he’ll pull it off.

But me…? Nearly a year after we initially wrote SIEGE? I’m essentially resigned to the fact that the script’s dead. I’m ok with that, I suppose. Sure, I’d have like to have finally been paid, after writing what was, in many ways, a commissioned script. And sure, it would have been nice if someone, besides Dave and I, ever read the goddamn thing. But that’s how it goes sometimes.

And who knows… maybe someday we’ll post the entire script right here. At least that way you, our loyal readers (Hi Mom and Aunt Sally!), will have a chance to see what all the fuss was about.

In the meantime, we plug along on our unnamed Transgendered-road-trip/animated-nascar/Mel-Gibson-starring-vehicle script. I sent Dave some stuff that I thought was pretty good. He savaged it as he usually does, sent it back, allowed me to nurse my wounds, and then wrote his next batch.

Its interesting… I think Dave must be evolving as a writer and applying stuff he’s picking up from his Manager, Agent, Accountant, Manservant, Cappucino-Foam-Applyer and whomever else. The types of notes he’s giving me are good (not that his previous notes weren’t) – and not always the sort of stuff he previously focused on, necessarily, so something’s changed somewhere. This is all good, mind you.

I think the script itself is pretty good stuff, too. We’re up to nearly 100 pages now, and are only now inching toward act III. We’ll definitely have some substantial editing and clean-up ahead of us before its all said and done. That, or we'll have the "War & Peace" of B-Movies.

So at least on that front, Producer Dude was right. One door closes, 5 more open.

Charlie

Why I Don't Blog Enough

There are some (you know who you are) who have noticed that I do not post a "blog" on this "blog" nearly as often as I used to. Some of you (you know who you are, too) have also noticed that this lack of "blogging" corresponds with my rise in all things writing. Getting a Manager. Getting an Agent. Still others (you should have a good idea who you are) have put two and two together and decided that since I am on the cusp of greatness, I no longer feel obligated to "blog" with Charlie, my "blogging" partner.

You are wrong.

Some others (you have been duly notified who you are) know that I have recently moved from California to New York, and have deduced that here in New York, nobody actually "blogs" anymore, hence my lack of "blogging" is due to my new-found East Coast snobbishness.

You are also wrong.

A few of you (possibly clueless as to who you are) think I'm not blogging because I am dead. And Charlie is keeping up pretences for various reasons which we shan't go into here on this "blog."

You are more or less wrong.

The truth is... I have not "blogged" as much as I have in the past because... I am unemployed.

Back when I had a job. I did a lot of "blogging" at work. Don't tell anybody. Or rather, go ahead and tell, I don't work there anymore. Now that I no longer have my very own cubicle to "blog" from, I find it hard to remember to "blog" when I am at home, when there are so man"blogs."

So if you want me to "blog" more, someone give me a damn job!

It's nice being an up-and-coming writer in the Hollywood scene.. but until something actually sells, the homeless guy on the street corner makes more money than I do.

So now you know.

Oh, yeah. Charlie gave me his latest pages on the pygmy/incest/underwater/feng shui flick we're writing. I've re-written them and am now writing new pages. Continuing the journey.

And no word from Producer Dude. I think he died.

Cock On,

David

In My Defense…

So as Dave previously mentioned, I recently finished a rewrite of my own work. And as he so diplomatically noted, I put together a super compelling scene in our Shogun/forbidden-love/mountain-climbing/Gulf War/romantic-comedy screenplay, and sent if off to him, smug that I’d finished several pages.

And, as you saw, he callously tossed it back, pointing out a minor flaw in the entire direction I’d taken the script in.

In my defense, though, what we had was a little confusing.

Say, for example, our script were taking place in the Holland Tunnel in NYC. Dave writes a great scene in which our characters struggle to get through traffic, Frogger-style, ducking semis, taxis, and screaming New Yorkers of all sorts, as the ceiling caves in. Scary, scary, stuff. And I don’t want to give anything away, but I bet someone gets run over.

Anyhow… so they make it to the other side of the tunnel, breathlessly resting at a passageway entrance.

CUT TO:

Charlie writing a scene.

I read this, and misinterpret where he’s left off as the entrance to ANOTHER tunnel. Not the one they’re in. So I write a scene with them speeding down a branching lane of the Holland Tunnel on hoverboards, escaping the…erm… let’s say… Morlocks… and... um... Zombie New Yorkers… yeah - drooling, maniacal, "how-ya-dooin'" spouting Zombie New Yorkers that are chasing them.

Easy enough. But then I find out that there is no branching lane. No second tunnel. There’s just that one tunnel. And now its closed off, because of the cave-in.

I was thinking Snake Pliskin, and Dave was channeling Stallone in “Daylight.”

See? Not as cut and dried as boarding an exploding plane, huh?

Anyhow… I rewrote it. Amazing how someone just happened to leave jackhammers, goggles, a backhoe, and three sticks of dynamite laying around in our metaphorical Holland Tunnel, huh?

I think we’re back on track. I’ve once again smugly sent it off to Dave, who’s too busy vacationing in the Hamptons with his family, manager, agent, accountant, and manservant, Maurice, to actually read it, much less write the next bit.

In the meantime, then, I may just write the next scene, even though it ain’t my turn.

Yeah… I’m crazy. I roll like that.

Now… let’s see… did I leave off with them boarding the plane full of snakes, or escaping Lex Luthor on a pirate ship?

Charlie

Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, Lex Luthor, Dave's Hampton's Palace

We Wait and We Wonder

So anyone ever mention that a large portion of a screenwriter's job was to sit on his or her thumb and wait for the paint to dry?

Obviously we're waiting for Producer Dude to kick something into gear on Siege. Nothing but waiting there.

Also, Charlie and I alternate waiting for the other one to do something on the next pygmy/screaming half-naked co-eds/millennium flick. Now you could say that we could be good, prolific writers, and work on other sequences while we wait. But we're not. So stop that.

Right now, I'm waiting for Charlie. He actually sent me a first draft of the next bit, and we had a disconnect. I blame him. And me. 50/50. Here's a hypothetical example of our disconnect.

Say that I ended the last sequence with "Scooby and Shaggy race away from the airplane as it explodes, sending a fireball across the tarmac."

Then Charlie kind of started the next scene with "Scooby and Shaggy board the airplane and fly off to find Scooby Snacks."

See? A Disconnect. I blew up the plane, he get on the plane.

This is half my fault. Looking back, I could have been clearer about the fact that the plane had, in fact, blown up, and that there were no other planes for them to board.

And it is half Charlie's fault. He could have read my damn words and paid attention.

So I sent it back to Charlie, and he's rewriting the scene, somehow finding a way to reach Scooby Snacks that doesn't involve the plane. You know, the one I blew up in a fireball that raced across the tarmac.

I am also waiting in my own, non-Charlie, in fact better-than-Charlie, line of existence. My Manager gave a final, final, final copy of my feature to An Agent (actually My Agent now, but only in words, paperwork is still being signed. Once signed, An Agent will become My Agent. I rock.) and we are waiting for the response from An Agent. If An Agent likes it, then they will combine forces and sell my script to Hollywood, and I will become rich. That is the goal, anyway.

An Agent has had my script for two weeks. My Manager has heard nothing from An Agent. See, we gave AN Agent the script right before July 4th. And it seems that July 4th is about a 2-week holiday in Hollywood. So An Agent is just getting back to work. Plus, An Agent has another client who has just had a TV series premiere to good ratings and good reviews, so An Agent is kinda busy.

So I'm waiting.

I hate waiting.

I'll write more later, but you'll have to wait for it.

On Juggling...

Yesterday over lunch I was discussing my "2nd job" with a buddy from work.

Right now, things at work are especially busy, so when he learned that I'm actively working on a screenplay with Dave, he was shocked.

"Where do you find the time?" he asked, incredulously.

Unfortunately, though, the tone just wasn't the same as someone who might inquire "What? You work with quadriplegic orphans, teaching them quantum physics? Where do you find the time?!"

Instead - and maybe I'm just being overly sensitive here - his inquiry seemed to carry more of a "So you spend time at work slacking by sneaking in some screenwriting, huh?" vibe.

Now, I'll be honest here... I've certainly taken 15 minutes here, or 30 minutes there, to make some tweaks to work Dave or I have done, while sitting at my desk at the office. That said, its been during my lunch hour. I've never blatantly sat at my desk, ignoring other priorities, so I can crank out the latest scenes in our Voodoo-Zombie/Surfboarding/Little-People/Wagon-Train/Gay-Cowboy opus.

Rather, it typically goes something like this. Dave sends me an updated draft. My turn to write.

I think about what I want to write for a couple of days. Usually this takes place in the shower, or while driving to work, or laying in bed at night. As a working stiff with a wife and a 2 year old kid, those are the only times when my brain isn't pounded with other stuff. I can actually stop, and think, during those times. Probably explains why a lot of my scenes have waterfalls, Howard Stern, or Natalie Portman in them.

Once my ideas are formulated, I then spend a couple of days WANTING to sit down and write, but not actually doing it. "Tonight's the night," I'll tell myself. But that night my kid won't go to sleep in a timely manner. Or Big Brother XVIII premiers on CBS. Or I get drunk and pass out. You know the deal.

But eventually, if I'm patient and sober enough, the perfect storm rolls along.

Last night my wife was exhausted after work. She came home. We ate leftovers. Bathed the kid. And then the two of them conked out in bed, fast asleep.

By like... 8:30!

So I sat, and wrote. And wrote some more. Finally at 1:30am the wife rolled into the living room.

"What the hell are you doing?!" she demanded.

"Writing!" I exalted, thrilled to have put 6 pages to paper.

"Writing to dirty sluts in one of those MySpace chatrooms or something?!" she inquired suspiciously.

"Um... no. Writing the Camel-Rodeo/Lithuanian-twins/Superhero/romantic-comedy that Dave and I have been working on."

"Oh. Well knock it off and come to bed. You have to be at work by 8 tomorrow."

And so I finish the scene, email it to Dave, and shut down the powerbook, knowing that I've done my part, and now I can start nagging Dave again, clawing my way to higher moral ground as the guy who wrote the last scene.

At least until he cranks out his pages in a day, sends it back, and I slog back into battle... juggling work, getting my kid to bed, watching Big Brother XVIII, and drinking.

And, of course, my new favorite past-time. Writing to dirty sluts in one of those MySpace chatrooms or something.

Charlie

Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, juggling, "MySpace Sluts

When it Feels Good

There's nothing better than handing off a newly-finished portion of the script to Charlie.

Well, yes. Sex is good. And a good burger, I like good burgers. And anything to do with my kids.

But you get the point.

I did my bit and passed the buck to Mr. Charlie. The pygmy/toxic/lesbian/political thriller script is coming along nicely. Though it may be too long. We're on page 80, and we've got a bunch of big scenes to write. So we'll write what we want, then cut out 50 pages until it's a happy 95-105 pages. Shouldn't hurt too much. I'll just cut all of Charlie's stuff, anyway.

Now, of course, there is this added element because while we're still pretty much writing for ourselves, there's the knowledge that My Manager will read the finished product and possibly push it to Sci-Fi Channel if she likes it. So pressure, pressure, pressure.

Meanwhile, Producer Dude is.. oh who really cares. We've got a script. He hasn't got any money. Read any post in the last few months and you'll get the gist of the latest news.

We're sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo close.

Sorry for the short post, but I'm plum out of ideas. Spent them all on the kick-ass scene I just wrote and gave to Charlie.

Peace, out.

And God Bless Natalie Portman.

(By the way, I'm not spell-checking this entry because my computer is spinning and I'm impatient. Deal with it. It's blogging without a net.)

Godly Excrement!

Its pretty much status quo here in B Movie WriterLand.

Stuff’s happening, but nothing dramatic.

We’re writing away on the untitled midget-wrestler-amazon-snakes-on-a-tugboat-harry-potter-ripoff script. A couple of weeks ago I managed to get through the last scene I blogged about. It was tough finding time, so I rushed a bit. It was pretty amusing how Dave responded.

“So I read what you wrote, and liked most of it. But you sure used ‘Holy Sh*t’ a lot with the characters. Were you trying to be ironic or something, or was that just lazy?”

Now here’s the thing -- since I rushed, I didn’t go back and re-read what I sent. And as the result, I may have been a little liberal with the term.

It’s just that as I wrote all of this horrific stuff happening, I kept hearing the characters yell out “Holy sh*t!” in my head. Frankly, its what *I* would say if I just saw my best friend rendered from limb to limb by cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers, redundant or not.**

But I wasn’t being ironic. Nay… I’m not nearly that clever, I fear.

Now was I being lazy, per se. It’s not like I couldn’t THINK of anything else to say but “Holy sh*t.” Nope. Its just how the characters spoke to me. That, and I was being sloppy and rushed in not doing a review and clean-up before sending it to Dave.

But neither’s the same as lazy.

*cough*

Getting downright Clintonian, ain’t I?

Anyhow… Dave did his rewrites, cleverly changing some of the exclamations to things like “Holy poop,” “blessed sh*t,” and “Godly excrement.”

Not lazy, but definitely ironic.

So I then went back and cleaned it all up, and then decided I should re-read the entire script from the beginning again, having a spare moment finally. I did so, and made a number of clean-up type revisions through the entire script so far, and have now submitted it back to him.

And now the ball’s in Dave’s park. Its funny… he would bust my chops DAILY when it was my turn to write, nagging me incessantly, making me feel like a slacker and bad partner. Me. The guy with an actual day job. Me, the one who gets up daily and goes to work in an actual office… wearing pants and everything.

But when I bug him, its like…

“I’m going to get on it as soon as I can, Charlie, but I’m busy working on a rewrite of another project I have due to my manager and agent on Friday.”

“Yes, Charlie… did I mention I have a manager and agent!?! That’s right, bitch. Manager AND agent.”

Anyhow… things are rolling along, and we’re making progress, one “holy sh*t” at a time.


Charlie


** Calm down… I’m using this as a silly example. Sadly there are no actual CHUDs in this movie.

Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, Holy Shit, "Dave's Manager & Agent