A Shocking Rejection Letter...

“Dear Mr. Flint,

Thank you so much for your recent AMERICAN IDOL spec script.

While you seem to have captured the spirit of our show and characters, I’m afraid that the storyline, and key teleplays, have already been locked for this season of the show.

We appreciate your interest in AMERICAN IDOL, and hope you’ll tune in throughout the coming weeks and months for the many exciting surprises we have in store.

Sincerely,

Simon Fuller”

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INT. AUDTION ROOM

A WIDE-EYED CONTESTANT wrings her hands nervously, as she looks expectantly across the room at the 3 JUDGES facing her.

SIMON, 40-something, English, looks aghast. PAULA, late 40s, disheveled, stares vacantly at the ceiling. RANDY, 40-something, black, waves his hand in the air and makes grunting noises.

SIMONThat was like listening to two cats fornicate. It was awful. Really horrible.

A string of drool escapes from the corner of Paula’s mouth as she swats at imaginary bugs.

RANDYYeah, dawg! You brought it and stuff, but that just didn’t do it for me. I’m going to have to take a pass, dawg. DAWG POUND!! WOOF WOOOF WOOOF!

The barking sound catches Paula’s attention, snapping her back to reality.

PAULASIMON’S AN IDIOT! KEEP CHASING YOUR DREAMS! YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL! DON’T LET…

She nods off, mid-sentence.

WIDE-EYED CONTESTANT
(stifling a sob)You people are horrible!! How can you say these things! I’m a human being, you know! You can’t treat me like some kind of dog…

RANDYDog?! Yeaaahhh booooyyyyy!! DAWG POUND! Woof woof woof!

Paula stirs, licks a spot on the table in front of her, and then falls back to sleep.

SIMON
(as condescendingly as possible)Darling, you may not be a dog, but you sing like one being hit by a car. I’m sorry, but it’s a “no.”

RANDYYeah, dawg. It’s a “no” for me, too. Wooof!

PAULAI WENT PEE PEE!

The girl throws her hands to her face and sprints from the room in tears.

CUT TO:

EXT. HALLWAY

RYAN SEACREST, 30-something, short, effeminate, has his ear pressed to the audition room DOOR.

It suddenly swings open forcefully, smashing into his face, and knocking him to the ground. Wide-Eyed Contestant stumbles from the room, blind with grief. She wails loudly.

Ryan regains his composure, deftly produces a compact from his pants pocket, touches up his make-up, paying careful attention to his dimples. He quickly runs his hand through his hair and then struts over to the crying girl.

RYANWell, Donna, it didn’t work out. So is it back to the Tijuana border-town brothel for you?

The woman reaches for his throat, choking him furiously as Ryan’s eyes begin to bulge and we…

FADE TO BLACK

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- Charlie

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