I'm having great sex with Lindsay Lohan in rehab.

It's just tawdry, the kind of no-holds-barred pumping action we got going on between us, me and Lindsay Lohan. She's an animal, with a thirst for serious action, the raunchier the better. When she gets going, nice and raw, it's like a primal force has been unleashed on my Manly Member.

I'll try to get some pics next time, she's always talking about wanting to go all "Paris Sex Tape" on me.

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OK, no. I'm not having sex with Lindsay Lohan. For all I know, the very nice, ordinary girl is still a virgin, waiting for marriage.

And I'm not in rehab. Though I am trying to give up sodas for a while. Too much caffeine. That's a kind of rehab, right?

See, the thing is, this blog is all about Charlie and me and our writing. And right now, we're waiting. Waiting for Producer Dude, waiting to hear from Charlie's contact, waiting for Charlie to finish his damn revisions on the covert/overt/omelet/jungle pic.

Today, Producer Dude, flushed with non-movement, has asked us to send him the synopsis of Siege for the seventeen billionth time. So we're digging it out once again, dusting it off, yet again, and feeling really bad that we have nothing exciting to report on our blog.

So I thought that, maybe, you know, a story about me and Lindsay Lohan having nasty monkey-sex while in rehab would be something you guys would maybe want to read about. Give you a thrill. Just close your eyes, and picture me, with a big pile of naked Lindsay Lohan on to of me, gyrating, grooving, thumping, the best body parts wiggling and jiggling all up in my face.

Hot!
And we thought maybe we'd pull in some random page views from folks surfing for "sex with Lindsay Lohan" on Google.

If that's you, welcome to our blog!

If we keep going nowhere, I'll have Charlie write up one of his Natalie Portman fantasies, those are usually good for a laugh.