Big Budget Badness Bingo

As a writer, I often find myself dissecting movies and TV shows that I watch.

Truthfully, its not something I like to do. It takes me out of the experience, which can tend to rob you of fully enjoying whatever it is you're viewing. The thing is, it tends to happen far more often when I'm watching something BAD.

You're sitting there watching "ELEKTRA" and your head just starts reeling with the stinkiness of it. I mean, sure, pretty much any discerning filmgoer starts to roll their eyes after the implausible moments add up, or the cheesy dialogue lays on too thick.

But as a screenwriter, I think you're more atune to it. And in my case, its not just out of professional criticsm that I find myself screaming at the screen when I hear something like:

"Her name was Elektra. She was a warrior. She was also dead. Well, nobody's perfect. Only a warrior can come back from death and even then the second life is never quite like the first."

No... truth is, I'm not really screaming because its so damn bad. Well... not per se. Me? I'm screaming more out of jealousy.

"JESUS H. FREAKING CHRIST!! I CAN WRITE DIALOGUE THAT SHITTY! HOW COME I CAN'T SELL A SCRIPT FOR A $50 MILLION MOVIE STARRING JENNIFER GARNER?!"

I mean, I try to write scenes and dialogue that are entertaining and relevant and logical. I really try. And I think I succeed more often than I fail. So when I see a piece of dung like ELEKTRA, or for that matter, the LONGEST YARD remake, which is one of the Top 10 Grossing Films of 2005, I have to wonder what I'm doing wrong.

Sure, we're wading around in "B MovieLand," but we recognize the playground we play in, and write to it. The interchanges in SIEGE are often over the top, but that's intentional. We have a larger than life character, and have really given the actor some choice cuts to ham it up with. Intentionally. Its the genre and the market.

And when I do write crap, at least I do it all by myself, or with help from Dave. Elektra has 5 writers credited, according to IMDB.

What's the secret? How does one get a gig writing bad movies for big bucks, full time?

Charlie

Technorati tags: Elektra, Jennifer Garner, longest yard, bad screenplays, jealousy