LOST, In Translation

Its 9pm on a Monday night here in Italy. The streets are empty. The bars quiet. The Ristoranti nearly deserted.

Political unrest? A big soccer match? Free pasta at the local enoteca?

Au contraire. Monday night is LOST night in Italy.

And tonight is a biggie. The finale of season one. I hunt high and low for my in-laws, not knowing this, until I find them all crammed into the living room, huddled in front of the TV.

On-screen, Jack and Lock discover the secret of the Black Rock. Michael and crew set sail. The hatch is blown open.

I'm peppered, non-stop, with excited questions from my relatives:

"Do we find out what's in the hatch?"

"Is it aliens?"

"What are the monsters in the woods?"

"Who are the others?"

I smile and nod knowingly, a wise veteran of next-season American TV, and give nothing away. Ironically, of course, I know zilch. A season later, LOST is as enigmatic as ever, and unless a whole heck of a lot was revealed in the episodes that have played out (and been tivo-ed) in my absence, I really have no more knowledge to offer them.

But its fun to SEEM like I know what's going on.

Its funny... for all the cultural differences between Italians and Americans, we're united in our love for LOST.

To paraphrase, "Good TV knows no boundaries."

Charlie

The Post Has Nothing To Do With Writing.

So I'm writing this post from the heart of beautiful Tuscany, Italy.

"Wow," you might be saying to yourself, "must be nice seeing all those amazing Italian landmarks."

But, see, that's where it all falls apart.

Though I'm in beautiful Tuscany, Italy, I'm staying at my in-laws. After 5 days here, we've taken exactly one excursion, to the always lovely Lucca. Otherwise, its been a lotta sittin'-around-and-yammerin'-in-Italian. Not exactly a Curillo Tour De Force (Dave, you'll get the Curillo reference in a few months, after watching NY TV for awhile).

Now... for my wife, this is the dream vacation. For me, though, its kinda like going to the Playboy mansion, wearing dual eyepatches.

Hopefully we'll do more stuff... don't get me wrong. Being here in itself is great. ANd watching my son interact with a side of his family he's never met is wonderful.

But there's a side of me that's dying to get in the car and drive to San Gimignagno, or something.

Anyhow... I felt like I had to blog and bitch... if for no other reason than to keep Grubber from giving up on us!!

Back to Teletubbies in Italian, now. Thank God there's lots of wine.

Charlie

Storm Warnings?

Charlie is correct, in that this site will likely be quiet for a little bit later this month. I'm making my trek across the States, Charlie is living it up overseas, drinking his frustration away, nary a blog will be seen between us.

And of course, now it gets interesting.

Latest from Producer Dude (as of this morning): Cash-Cash has hit the states. It's in NY. You could say I'm going to visit it, but we'll miss each other because they're trying to get it to LA. Personally, I've heard of these things called "Wire Transfers" and "Writing Big Checks" as good ways to do this, but I'm young and foolish.

In any case, cash-cash is definitely in this country, which is a big step forward. Because it's hard to bankroll a film from Kazakstan. The exchange rate just screws everyone up.

Seriously, what does this mean? You got me. It might mean that money will land in our hands in weeks. It may mean that we'll have a hundred more posts of "Oooo, we're so friggin' close this time!" and so forth. It may mean nothing.

But I wanted to let the loyal listeners know, because we're here for you.

In other, me-centric news. Said Manager has officially become My Manager. Note the name change. My Manager basically said "David, we like you. Let's make this real." and I said "It wasn't real?"

But as I said, I'm young and foolish.

I've a friend (no really, I do!) who says that the only times that managers want to make things officially is when they smell money.

I take that as a good sign.

The Calm Before The Storm... (We Hope)

So for the next couple of weeks, things will probably be a bit mellow around here.

I’m leaving on Friday for two weeks in Italy. Since this is a family trip to visit my wife’s family there, I’ll most likely make some time to write. But I don’t know that I’ll be doing a lot of blogging from the bowels of Tuscany, so this may be my last post for a week or two.

Ironic side note… several months ago, in this very blog, I lamented the fact that they’d almost be certainly shooting SIEGE while I was in Italy, minimizing the chances of me being able to visit the set and get a cameo or something. As you can now see, this consternation was an utter waste of emotion and time.

Anyhow… while I’m off drinking wine to the point of blindness, Dave will be packing up and then schlepping across the country. Hmmm… two weeks with the in-laws or a cross country move. Both sound like a treat, huh?

So… if things get a bit quiet, we’re not dead. We haven’t thrown in the towel. The band hasn’t broken up. Au contraire, all signs indicate that things are just getting hot. The money’s starting to maybe, kinda, sorta stir around again and we’re told that “no-really-they-mean-it-this-time.”

And Dave has himself a fancy manager. Which means I have a manager-in-Law. I’m frankly quite excited about this development because, even though his fancy manager has no clue I exist, when Dave suddenly becomes the hottest writer in Hollywood and (inevitably) kicks me to the curb, I still have a couple of scripts co-written with the hottest writer in Hollywood that I can pimp around town.

I’m perfectly comfortable being the Jerome to Dave’s Morris Day.

Oh weee oh weee oh.

Charlie

Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, movies

Just Relax, We Know What We're Doing

While we wait for news from Producer Dude and/or New Producer Guy for word on Siege, and while I wait from Charlie for word on the pages I sent him last week on our pygmy/blimp/orgy script, my thoughts turn to one of my other works.

I have a script. I've worked on it for years. It is, easily, my best work. It has gone through about 18 revisions. Said Manager really likes this script, and we've been working on it together for a while, honing it, sharpening it, smoothing it out. Making it all shiny. Now Said Manager tells me that they are going to start pitching it all over town.

That's awesome. I've never had a script pitched all over town. I've never really had a script pitched all over my room, to be honest.

And then Said Manager says "We're describing it as X (famous movie) meets Y (another famous movie.)

I'm being vague because I don't want to spoil the goose, but let's say that Said Manager was telling me "We're pitching it as Shrek meets Finding Nemo." (My script is not animated, so I figure this is as off-topic as possible.

In this scenario, let's say my script was about a family of Ogres who find happiness by eating people in the nearby village. So sure, I've got Ogres, Shrek has Ogres. I kinda get that. But Finding Nemo? In one scene, say, the Ogres go fishing and eat a bunch of catfish. That's the closest I can get to Finding Nemo. So why is Said Manager using Finding Nemo in the pitch? Just because it was a successful movie? I don't understand.

That's kinda how it is with my script. One of the famous movies Said Manager is using to describe my script makes sense to me. One does not. Except that, well, it was a big hit and is in the same genre. But a family of Ogres eating people is a far cry from Finding Nemo. Even if both films are made by Pixar.

Are there rules to this sort of thing? Anyone out there have tales of really strange movies they've had their work compared to for various reasons?

When I wrote The Eliminator (under a different title, still hate the title they went with) I called it "Survivor meets The Most Dangerous Game." The people in C-Movie land have never, it seems, read a book or taken a high school English class, and had no idea what The Most Dangerous Game was. I also couldn't be sure they'd ever actually watched TV. Eventually, I think they pushed the final film as "TimeCop meets Predator" for whatever that's worth.

Something is Going to Break!

That was the direct quote from Producer Dude over IM today.

Is that good news? I dunno. I think it means it's the latest round of "Oh, we're soooo close! Can you taste it? Can you taste it? CAN YOU SMELL WHAT PRODUCER DUDE IS COOKING?"

Here's the tangled web being woven. See if you can keep up.

Producer Dude is working hard on getting the Siege money (@ half a million) out of the "banks" in "Ireland" where his "Investor" lives. He's also working hard on a Much Larger Deal (more money, more films, more champagne wishes and caviar dreams) that isn't connected to the Ireland deal. If it goes first, he'll pull Siege out of the Ireland deal and into his Much Larger Deal, where it would be the first out of the box, at @ half a million.

Meanwhile, New Producer Guy is still in the picture, albeit behind closed doors. Word on the street (don't ask me which street) is that he's still working money out of his second money man. Right now, there's a kind of race between Producer Dude and New Producer Guy as to who hits cash-cash first and therefore, who makes Siege.

Meanwhile, why is New Producer Guy using his second money man on Siege? Because the first money man is now soooooo close to signing on the dotted line to produce another of New Producer Guy's projects, which just happens to be written by me.

So now there are four different money men working with two different producers trying to get a film made that is written either by Charlie and Dave, or just Dave.

And odds are, you'll never see any of these films, even if they get made.

Ain't movie-making magical?

Oooooh, You Make Me Live...

It’s just about 12:15 when an IM bloops up on my laptop’s screen, covering the excel spreadsheet I’ve been buried in for the better part of an hour.

This is one of the best parts of my daily routine. Most of the communication I deal with is oriented around people wanting SOMETHING. Status. Reports. Updates. Schedules. Documentation. Whatever. Whether it’s a phone call, email, instant message, or in-person visit, it’s almost always oriented around a demand of some sort.

But this is different. Almost every day, around this time, that magic bloop signals an engagement without agenda. They usually are instigated with some random comment… either a salutation, or a movie quote, or song lyrics. Which is what makes them fun.

"You there... with the funny hat!

or

"Again with the 'I'm here before you because I have a 3-hour jump on your ass.' thing!"

or

“Ollie Ollie Oxen free!"

Yes, it’s my good buddy and writing partner, Dave, with his daily check-in. Even if we have no business to discuss – and lately that’s been the case more often than not – we always have a little friendly banter.

It’s interesting how the internet age has changed the definition of a friend. A few weeks ago the brilliant tv show The Colbert Report did one of their “reports” on a guy with millions of “friends,” all of them on MySpace. While that piece was an exaggeration, it raises an interesting question. What is the definition of a friend?

Dave’s wife, Mrs. Dave, and I had a version of this conversation earlier in the week. She was talking about their upcoming move out of LA, and how they have so many people to see before they leave – and how, interestingly, some of them actually seem offended that Dave and Mrs. Dave have decided to relocate.

I noted that when we left LA last summer, we snuck out in the dead of night, avoiding the need to rent out a private room at Spago to say goodbye to all of our acquaintances. Mrs. Dave countered that it was less a matter of ducking out, and more a matter of having no friends to actually sneak away from.

She can toss out the acidic zingers, Mrs. D. She’ll do well in New York!

Anyhow… it got me thinking. Despite having a relationship that exists primarily in “cyberspace” (God, I hate that term), that is conducted mostly via Instant Message, I certainly consider Dave a good friend. Mrs. Dave, too. They’re good people, with good hearts. Plus they drink a lot. I like that in a friend, even a long-distance one.

Soon Dave and the Davettes will be loading up and heading East. Dave – I have a simple request: As you work your way across the country, desperately mainlining NO-DOZ and McDonald’s coffee as your sit blearily-eyed behind the wheel of a massive UHAUL truck, please make a point of pulling over each day around noon Eastern, and instant message me. We can keep it short. Just a quickie George Michael lyric, or line from “Babe” (the pig, not the ballplayer). Its pretty much all that keeps my going amidst the barrage of metaphorical ass-kickings that make up my job.

Oh yeah… and you might want to consider “accidentally” dumping the hybrid car somewhere around Oklahoma. That namby-pamby Hollywood shit don’t fly in Brooklyn.

Charlie

Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, movies, friends, queen lyrics

I'm a Bad, Bad Blogging Partner

It's my turn to blog. And I haven't blogged. Because I'm a horrible writing partner. I should be beaten. Spanked. Flogged. Pick a punishment.

What is there to blog about? Siege is becoming a pipe dream. Sometimes these things happen. "These things" being nothing. Producer Dude is in a lull. Things are not moving. Producer Dude may have been on the wrong end of a "phantom money" gag. We wait, but every week that nothing happens is another week closer to throwing up the arms in disgust.

It's also my turn to work on the pygmy porno script we've got cooking. I've actually done some good work, some really good work. But it's all in my head. I need to find time to sit down and write it. Like, say, something I could be doing now, except that I'm blogging.

Blogging- the ultimate time-waster.

But I'm serious, I have the next section in my head, and it's good. It's exciting. I've got it down pat. In my head. I have to write it. I need to get MOTIVATED to write it. And I will, maybe today (maybe after I post this blog), maybe tomorrow.

Things are cooking at an unprecedented pace in my off-blog life. I'm moving across the country. That's kind of a big thing. I have kids (we both have kids. Well, Charlie has KID, I have KIDS), and that eats into writing time. I also have the work I'm doing with Said Manager, that eats up time.

But I'm not giving up or dropping the ball. Well, maybe a little ball-dropping. But it's for lack of will. It's for lack of time.

But now that I've blogged, I feel better. I feel like writing the pygmy porno. So I'm gonna end this blog and write.

Thanks you, you've made me feel much better.

Pretty, almost.

And Now For Something Completely Different...

So the ball's in Dave's court. I tossed him some pages which, I believe, he really liked. We decided to move one of the bigger sequences to a bit later in the flick (by a scene or two), so he's now due to write the "glue" to bind together the chopped up bits.

That said, I'm still waiting on that. For all the "hurry up, hurry up!" I got out of Dr. Writegood last week, he's certainly taking his sweetass time now. Not that he has much going on in his personal or professional lives. Nosiree...

So, while we wait, I'd like to talk about something different.

Being a bigtime Hollywood screenwriter, I often get invited to industry events. Movie premieres, wrap parties, dinner with the Cruise's (its hard to find a Theta-friendly bottle of Pinot Noir).

Ok. That's a lie. I'm a B-movie writer, living in Atlanta. The last "premiere" I went to was Opening Night of "Eliminator," on Dave's big screen TV back in LA. I've never been to a wrap party. I do have dinner with the Cruise's all the time, though. Little Suri is an angel.

(Joking aside, I've met the guy... remind me to tell you the story sometime)

But this week... all that changes. Friday night I'm on the guest list to see the band BRIL play here in Atlanta, along with People In Planes, and Blue October. Yes, indeed, life is good as a big-time screenwiter with a massively trafficed blog.

Now... I'll be honest... I actually hadn't heard of Bril until a few weeks ago. But when their record label guy hooked me up with the invite, he was also amazingly kind enough to send me their debut CD, Airless Alarm.

And... to be honest again... its damn good. I suppose its never fair to talk about a band by immediately comparing them to someone else, but hey - I'm no music reviewer. In listening to the disk, they evoked sounds not unlike COLDPLAY and/or OASIS on a number of songs, while on some others, coming off a bit more ethereal, like some of the stuff THE DOVES have released. As my tastes go, this is a home-run, since THE DOVES are one of my favorite bands, and Coldplay and OASIS are no slouches, either.

In fact, a rather curious thing is that all the bands I just mentioned are English, yet BRIL hail from California. They're easily the most English sounding Cali band since... um... since... er... well - maybe ever.

It isn't a flawless album... it drags a bit at times... but its certainly quite good, and one of the better debut disks I've heard in quite some time. Its found its way into heavy rotation in both my car and on my iPod, sharing mindspace with the new Stereophonics, Streets, Placebo, and the Dresden Dolls. Read into that playlist what you will.

Assuming SEIGE doesn't suddenly go all George Romero on us and jerk back to life, tearing at the flesh of Producer Dude and demanding "MORE BRAINS!!!!!!!!!," I'll post a review of the concert next week.

Hopefully it'll involve a lot of anecdotes about meeting the band, going backstage, swilling Jack from the bottle, abusing groupies, and partying with Tommy Lee. I'm told that's what most concert experiences are like when you're "on the guest list."

Surely Dave wouldn't lie to me about that, would he?

Charlie

Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, movies, bril, doves, George Romero, Jack Daniels, Groupie Abuse

Nothing to Report, Move Along

Siege.

Huh. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, say it again!

Well, that's not exactly correct, but you get the idea. There is no movement. Producer Dude is no closer to getting any cash-cash in the bank. New Producer Guy has been mum since we sent him the script. We're riding a wave of indifference.

This happens in C-Movie land. It's not pleasant. But since this ain't our day job, it's no real skin off our nose.

Broken dreams, sure. Crushed, even. But the road is not over, just on hold. When they made Eliminator, it probably took a year or so from the first "We should make this!" to actual filming.

You just never can tell in this business. Before Eliminator, we were working on another film. We had money (or so we thought), we had casting sessions, they had signed William Baldwin and Rowdy Roddy Piper to star, this was happening. I remember asking Old Experienced Exec if this movie was really going to get made. His response?

"I've got a Baldwin on the dotted line. This deal had better happen or a lot of folks are gonna be pissed."

It never got made.

You'd think having a Baldwin on board would make your project golden. Alas, no.

Will Siege get made? Possibly. Producer Dude is nothing if not stubborn and determined. He also carries a lot of guilt around, and right now he feels guilty that he hasn't made Siege yet. So who knows? Maybe he'll grab a Mini-DV cam and do the whole thing in his back yard.

Pass the popcorn.

Back on Track

I've previously compared my writing partnership with Dave to a marriage.

Both relationships involve give and take, compromise, caring and support, and me doing someone else's laundry.

Dave and I have worked our way through one of those rocky moments every relationship faces, where we went runnning down the road a bit too quickly.

As I've previously written, we started work on our Pygmy/Demon-cult/end-of-the-world Amazonian adventure script a bit too early. Got ahead of ourselves, you might say. So we did what a lot of couples do in their relationships... we backed up, re-evaluated where things were at, and started over.

Plus Dave tried to convince me to make out, but that wasn't happening.

So we wrote character bios. Backstories. Key beats for all the acts.

And now... finally... we're back on track. I just sent Dave roughly 12 pages of script, picking up at the beginning of Act II. I think it was pretty good stuff. Some fun dialogue. Some scary moments. A few funny ones, too. I think it may be a bit verbose, but that's part of our give and take. I usually write too much, and Dave whittles away at it.

Or rewrites it completely, but that takes us back to issues in our relationship, so I won't go there today.

So... unless I've completely missed the mark and thrown us back off-track, Dave will retouch what I wrote, and then send along the next scene in the script -- the scene where we... KILL ONE OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS!

See that? That's love. Much like I always let my wife have the end piece off a loaf of fresh bread (it's the best part, really!), I've stopped at a point where Dave can get the kill.

He'll like that. Dave loves writing "the kill" like... um... well... like my Wife likes the end piece of bread.

Charlie

Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, movies, bread

Houston, We Have a Problem

So, like, life in the B-move world ain't all it's cracked up to be.

What? You don't think we're cracking this up to be good?

News on Siege. Two pieces of information. Today and Yesterday. I'll give you Today's first, since it very likely spun Yesterday's news into motion.

It'll all make sense in a sec.

So today we get an email from Producer Dude address to Charlie and myself, as well as a few other people who have been getting ready to get Siege up and running. It said, more or less:

"Man, it's taking a long time to get this money, isn't it?"

Producer Dude's big on understatement.

Seems he got an email from his as-far-as-we-know-phantom money guy that said "Hey! You know that money? The money I've been telling you is coming for the past three months? Yeah, that money. Well it's coming. Some time after Easter. Talk to you then! Hugs and Kisses."

And props to Producer Dude, he figured enough was enough. He isn't giving up, mind you, but he's admitting that it's taken a lot longer than he thought and he's totally sorry and he'll understand if some folks jump ship.

Still, if he gets some miraculous note from his bank after Easter that says there's some cash-cash in there, he'll let everyone know and we'll charge on full speed ahead.

So that was today.

Yesterday, Producer Dude IM's me in a rush. The conversation went something like this:

"Dave! How are you doing?"

"Fine, Producer Dude. How are you?"

"Forget that. I want to send some scripts of yours over to a friend who is looking to make a $500,000 - $1,000,000 movie. He's got money lined up and he just needs a script. Do you want to send him Siege?"

"But... aren't you making Siege?"

"Of course! So I've told him about Siege and about you guys and how I don't have the script so I can't send it to him so he may be contacting you."

"OK. Does that mean you're not going to make Siege?"

"What? Don't be silly! That's wild speculation!"

"So then why would I want to send-"

"Let me know when he emails you. In fact, check your inbox right now."

"Right now? Hold on, I'll... well I'll be damned. He emailed me."

"Great! Let me know how it goes!"

"Uhm.. OK. Any word on your money?"

"You're the best, Dave. Talk to you later!"

And if you could hang up on IM, that's where he'd've hung up on me.

I talked to Charlie, he said go for it. So I sent the script, the one that Producer Dude hasn't seen, to the new guy who we'll call New Producer Guy. (Not to be confused with Producer Dude.)

Perhaps you now see how Today's news led to Yesterday's news, yes?

What happens now? Well New Producer Guy will read Siege and decide if hew wants to do it or not. If he likes it, he'll make it. Or, well, I suppose it'd be more accurate to say that if he likes it, we'll be in the same boat, but with a different Producer. We'll start waiting for HIS money.

If he doesn't like it, it goes back to Producer Dude, and we keep waiting for HIS money.

You following all of this?

Oh and one other thing. If New Producer Guy likes it, he's agreed to give us a little more money than we were getting from Producer Dude.

So I'm proud to say that Siege just took one massive step to the side on it's road to getting made. I mean now it's not quite being made by TWO people!

We rock!

The Little Script That Could

Rat Bastard that I am, I finally peered over the edge of my Bling and remembered that I still have this cute little commitment to write something with Charlie.

It pains me to stoop to his level. After all, I'm this big, awesome writer with scripts and projects that NOBODY HAS PAID A DIME FOR YET.

Seriously folks, if Charlie's right and y'all got the impression that I'd jumped the Charlie Ship, there be some serious misunderstandin' going on.

Right now, the best chance for actual cash-cash to line my pocket comes from Siege. That's a fact. True, at the rate we're going, Charlie and I'll be in the old age home and our kids will cash the checks, but it's still far more solid than anything I have on the side.

Plus, and this is way more important, Charlie is a really good friend of mine. I wouldn't 't screw him over or leave him in the dirt for anything.

So anyway.

Our awesome pygmy/jungle/blimp adventure has been revving its wheels while we do our "Homework." Character bios. Backstories. Things like that.

Well full friggin' speed ahead!

We have now hashed out an ending that we like. We have hashed out major beats in Act II that move the story along. We have an idea of where this train is headed. So we're almost ready for full speed ahead!

Charlie's finalizing our Act III plans, putting thoughts on e-paper and so forth. I'm going back over Act I with an eye on the new information we came up with to flesh everything out, making course corrections and what have you.

Then, we begin our work. Act II. The meat of the story. Already outlined in a very light, breezy, Devil-may-care way.

It's exciting. It's invigorating. It's perky and zesty, like a good guacamole.

We THINK we can has been changed to We KNOW we can.

And that's a good thing.

And we did it together.

Because we love each other.

And Natalie Portman.

Yeah! Dave *IS* a Bastard!

Over the past few days, I've received a number of emails and IMs from concerned B-Movie-Writerphiles.

That specific number would be two, but still... that's "a number of emails and IMs."

"Dear Less-Talented Guy," both correspondences began. Its comforting to know that we've grown into roles with this blog. There's Dave, and then me. The "less-talented guy."

They go on: "We're concerned that Dave has kicked you to the curb. His agent told him to drop the "Curse Of the Jaguar" and so he just crapped all over you and dumped the project you were working on? What a flaming jerk!!"

So... I wanted to post a follow-up note and let you all know that, even though Dave may be a flaming jerk, its not for dumping anything he and I are working on.

See... it appears that some folks misunderstood "Curse of the Jaguar" to be the script we're working on. This couldn't be further from the truth. "Curse of the Jaguar" is set in the Mayan Jungle and involves an ancient curse. The thing Dave and I are writing is set in the AMAZON Jungle and involves an ancient curse. Come on, people. Get it straight!

Plus, as I understand it, "Curse of the Jaguar" has something to do with a haunted luxury sedan.

Anyhow, the bottom line is that Dave and I continue to work on our pygmy/devil-worshipping/opera-like opus, at least until the Manager person tells him to dump it.

Or me. Whichever comes first, I suppose.

But fear not, Dear readers. Dave's not going anywhere. Even if he does become big and famous, I have those pictures from that weekend trip to Tijuana, ensuring he'll always have time for B-Movies with Charlie, and B-Movie-Writers, with all of you.

Charlie

Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, movies

Know When to Fold 'em

I'm leading a double life.

By day, I'm the happy, dutiful writing partner of Charlie Flint. We've written Siege (currently in pre-pre-production Hell-on-a-popsicle-stick for the C-movie market), The Magic Hour (currently on the shelf), and are working on a pygmy/devil-worshipping/opera-like opus.

By night I write for me. For many, many years, that has been a lesson in self-gratification. The one film I have had produced was through Producer Dude, who is supposedly working on Siege, so that contact is alive and well in my work with Charlie Flint. Beyond Producer Dude, I have pages of brilliance piled up in my garage.

Until recently.

A friend passed my stuff on to Said Manager. Said Manager liked it. And more to the point, Said Manager has been in preliminary contact with me. I mentioned before how Said Manager picked my brain to pitch Sci-Fi Channel, well Said Manager has more interest than that in me.

I have a script, written over the past 6 years, polished, gone through 14 drafts, and fine-tuned to an edge Siege will never see in it's lifetime (nor does it need to). This script is, pardon me for saying so, good. Said Manager likes it. Said Manager has sent it out to people. Real people who have jobs like "Agent" and "Producer of films that go into the theaters" and "Directors of stuff that doesn't always go straight-to-DVD." They all like it. This is the only reason why Said Manager is still taking my calls and, in some cases, initiating them.

This is not to toot my own horn, but to say that, right now, my moonlighting job of "writer for me" is pretty well focused on whatever Said Manager wants me to work on.

I have 55 pages of another horror script. I mentioned it many posts back. I sent the pages to Said Manager. Said Manager's reply?

"This isn't worth your time. Drop the project."

Ouch.

In my belligerent past, I would have defiantly shouted back "Who are you to say? What do you know? I'm genius! Genius!"

But I'm more mature. So instead I said "OK. What do you want me to work on next?"

And just like that, the big, nasty, scary horror flick I've been working on outside of Siege is shelved for the time being. And I don't care. Because right now, I have to go with what Said Manager says. Because Said Manager is my current ticket to fame and fortune. Well, to fortune, anyway.

And to Said Manager's credit, Said Manager has come back with "I liked project X you mentioned to me a while back, we should look at fleshing that out, perhaps as a Graphic Novel. I know some people at...." and "Oh, I have an article I've always liked that might be right up your alley. Let me send it over to you and see what you think, see if it leads you to any ideas for a next feature." and "Dig through your various projects and let's see if there's something you've let go that we might breath new life into."

So goodbye to 55+ pages of Curse of the Jaguar. (Always needed a new title anyway.) Goodbye to the research, to the character-crafting, to the visions in my head.

I'm moving on to the next thing, and I'm reaching for the ring.

The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here!

To quote a famous Jerk:

"This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need! My name in print! That really makes somebody! Things are going to start happening to me now!"

Yes. Today was the day. I'm finally listed on IMDB.COM as a writer on the epic-to-be, SEIGE SIEGE!

Yes. I am someone! My name's on IMDB! That really makes me somebody! Things are going to start happening with my writing career now!!

And, in a moment of karmic triumph, I've been accidentally listed twice (once with middle initial and once without), PUSHING DAVE TO A "MORE" status. Made him crazy, I'm pretty sure.

I've sent IMDB a note, asking them to remove the redundant listing, but in the immediate term, I do think karma has been served.

Mind you, it doesn't change the fact that the movie's ripping along through production with all the speed and finesse of a one-legged Samoan bar bouncer. Indeed, we're STILL waiting for the money to close, and the contracts to be finalized.

But who cares? I'm in the phonebook!

Charlie

Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, movies

Beating Myself Up

So we have contracts and the waiting continues. It's a step, I suppose. A step.. Towards doom!

So anyway, there's this other script we're writing. More homework (What, you thought it ended when you finished college? Heck no!). Here's where we are right now.

Act One: Pretty well written. About 30 pages filled with thrills, spills, chills, and Stephen Stills.

Act Two: Uhm.. we wrote some pages.. they're OK. Maybe five or ten that are usable. We got these characters... Uhm..

Act Three: Ah Hell, how does this thing end, anyway?

Who can spot the problem?

Correct, structurally, our script resembles Jurassic Park III too closely.

So first we bandied Act Three ideas about. Got some good stuff. Handed it over to Charlie to iron everything out and come back with a "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS IN THE END, SO SAYETH THE LORD" email. Me? I'm doing beats.

No, it's not a new drug, though it should be.

Act Two is where the characters change. Where events happen that shape them, mold them, drive the story forward. Act Two is filled with huge action sequences that define our movie. Act Two is about 60 or 70% of the movie.

I'm breaking it down into beats.

What happens here? Then what happens? Then what happens? Why do these things happen? How do our characters grow from these events? Who lives, who dies? What drives this movie forward, forces us to stay and watch, instead of turning it off and catching up on the MythBusters episode we TiVo'd last week?

Want an insight into how I work? Sure you do. So does Charlie. First, I look at Act Two. Not much to look at, actually. Lots of white space. Then I say "OK, first there's a big action sequence."

See? A beat.

Now I say "Because of that sequence, X happens."

Cause and effect.

Next I say "Then there's another action sequence. During which the midget explodes."

Another beat.

"After that, there's a tense, character-driven moment between the porn star and the Republican."

A quasi-beat.

And it goes from there. Next, I go back over my list and say "OK. So I said an action sequence happens here. What is that action sequence? And how does the Midget explode?"

It's a tedious process, but when all is said and done, it makes for a fine script.

Trust me.

Well Look What The Cat Dragged In...

So, baby step toward the miracle of all miracles...

Last night I got home, checked the mail, and there was a shiny package, containing the contract from Producer Dude.

Read through it. Everything seemed in order. The terms we all agreed to seemed to be in order. TV rights? CHECK. MOW rights? CHECK. Backend participation? CHECK.

Yup. It all looks pretty good, with one exception.

The title of the film is misspelled.

Now... God knows I've transposed the I and E in SIEGE a thousand times right here on this blog, so no biggie, but it does mean some contract tweakage.

Well... that, or we quickly bang out a new screenplay called "SEIGE," the moving story of Helmut Seige, the double-amputee 200 meter men's hurdles runner from Germany in the 1940s.

Hrmmmm.....

NAAAH.

In the meantime, as Dave mentioned, we've been plugging along on the Ghost Pygmy Tribe project, with a caveat.

As you may recall, he sent me the first 30 pages, and I volleyed with the next several scenes. Interestingly, this forced us to pause and realize that we hadn't really flushed out the concept terribly well...

DAVE: Um... so Charlie? Why do you have this "silo"-esque room, other than that it would look cool? What's the purpose of it?

CHARLIE: Beats me. Why do you have the "cavern"-esque room with the bones?

DAVE: Touche. Beats me, too. Well... what about the guy who looks down from the dark window? Who's that?

CHARLIE: Ermmm... a mysterious figure? You had some guy in your scene... what the hell's that tribal shaman fella gonna do?

DAVE: Um... I dunno yet. Something, though. At some point.

And, thus, a consensus was born. We would step back, actually THINK the whole freakin' thing through, and apply some gen-u-ine process and procedure to the thing.

See... a lot of writers will hash out every major beat of a screenplay, often going to far as to put them down on index cards, which you can then pin to the wall, allowing you to see the flow of the story, and rearrange "virtually" before a word is really even written.

Dave and I have a term for those kind of writers: Uptight assholes.

Sure... the rest of the industry calls them "professionals" and pays them lots of money, but we look upon them with scorn.

I kid, of course, but we did get ahead of ourselves with this one. So we've regrouped.

We've written one-page bios for all our major characters. We've written out the "mythology" behind the dark happenings we're writing about. And we've researched and documented the geography and native culture of the film's setting (wrapping that into a larger backstory for the tribe of ghostly pygmies we've mentioned).

In short, we have a mini-bible at this point. YAY DAVE AND CHARLIE!

Now we're working out the major plot elements and beats. We don't have index cards yet because... well... as I noted, we look down our noses at those guys.

Ok. Fine. Until we get paid for SIEGE SEIGE, we can't afford index cards. But whatever.

Point is, we're hitting all the major beats. And THEN (and only then) once we've done that, we'll start over and revisit the actual script.

See? We can do structure!! We can do order!! We can do chronology!! We can do character development!! We can do STORY!

(Robert McKee... feel free to give me a call)

Charlie

Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, movies

No, really. This time we mean it.

So a couple weeks ago I wrote about how our contracts were in the mail.

They weren't.

So this time they are. No really. This time they really are in the mail.

But we're not supposed to sign them just yet.

Producer Dude wants us to have the contracts, to read them, to look over them, to make sure we're cool with them. But we're NOT to sign them until the money is in his grubby little hands.

(Producer Dude's hand's aren't grubby. The money is grubby. When anyone handles cash-cash, their hands become grubby. I hope to have very grubby hands myself soon.)

So sometime in the next couple of days, I should get contracts delivered to my door. (Charlie will also get his delivered, but as he's in Atlanta, they'll be delivered via horse and buggy.) All I can think of is.. GOD I hope these contracts are what we expect them to be. The last thing we need is to read them through and see mistakes. I mean it took this long to wrest contracts out of Producer Dude, you think we want to start over?

So there's Siege. The same story you're been reading (both of you) for, what? five months? More?

The latest on our pygmy/Devil/Adventure/Horror movie is that we've been doing homework. Last week we each took turns writing character bios and backstory. Now we're writing some ideas, putting things together, trying to - get this - craft the story before we try writing it. Wild idea, huh?

I think it's been a good thing, I hope Charlie thinks so as well. It's certainly popped some thoughts into my head, and given me a better idea about the story. But on the other hand, it's homework. Uhg.

***

One final note. Over the last week or so, I've watched the entire series of Firefly, plus the feature film, Serenity.

My God, that rocks. My God they need to pick up this series. You're telling me Sci-Fi Channel can't order up a new season of Firefly to slot into Sci-Fi Friday or to start a new Sci-Fi night? Come on, they're already airing the repeats, someone tell them to order up new episodes and let's get this party started!

Truly magical television. Followed by a fantastic movie that didn't succeed because, well, it was such an extention of the series, that you kinda got a little lost without knowing the series. But it was great, and I want more.

Peace Out.

WELL?!?!?!!

If you're a regular reader, like me (and odds are you aren't... I'm actually convinced I'm B Movie Writers only regular reader), you're dying to know how things went with Dave's pitch to the SciFi Network.

Every day, as soon as he logs onto IM, I message him.

"WELL?!?!?!"

"Oh, Hi Charlie. How's life in the future?"

See... I live and work in Atlanta. Dave's in LA. Because of the time difference - we're three hours ahead - he insists I live in the future. You know... the usual... "Anything happening today at Noon I should prepare myself for?" "Is it a good day in the future?" "Do you have robots that do your bidding there in the future?"

But I digress.

"WELL?!?!?"

"Well, What?" he always replies.

"Well, have you heard about the SciFi thing!?"

"Oh... that." He tries to play it cool, like it barely registers on his radar. Please. You and I both know that Dave would kill to have one of his scripts produced by SciFi, starring Bruce Campbell and Walter Koenig.

"I haven't heard anything... could be any day now. I'm not sweating it."

And that, my friends, is showbiz. That phrase:

"WELL?!"

is involved in roughly 1/3 of the conversations Dave and I have. Its really just a variation on a theme.

--------Common Variation 1----------

"WELL?!?!?!"

"Oh, Hi Charlie. How's life in the future?"

You know the drill here by now.


"WELL?!?!?"

"Well, What?" he always replies.

"Well, have you heard if the financing has closed? Are we getting paid for SIEGE?!?"

"Oh... that." He tries to play it cool, like it barely registers on his radar. Please. You and I both know that Dave would kill to get paid and have SIEGE go into production.


"I haven't heard anything... could be any day now. I'm not sweating it."

--------------Common Variation 2------------

"WELL?!?!?!"

"Oh, Hi Charlie. How's life in the future?"

Having a GroundHog Day feeling yet?

"WELL?!?!?"

"Well, What?" he still replies.

"Well, have you finished writing your scenes!?"

"Oh... that." He tries to play it cool, like it barely registers on his radar. Please. You and I both know that Dave spent the weekend changing diapers, mowing the lawn and... in his spare time... writing non-Charlie scripts for his buddies at SciFi.

"I'm working on it... could be any day now. I'm not sweating it."

-------------

There's a lot of "WELL" time in our relationship. Don't get me wrong... I have no complaints. And it certainly goes both ways. For that last variation, imagine Dave asking *ME* "WELL?!?!" every day since last Tuesday, as I dragged ass in getting back to him with my first scenes from the unnamed Pygmie Ghost Tribe project.

Mind you, that resulted in its own thread every hour, on the hour, yesterday, after I finally got it to him.

-------------Not-So-Alternate-Realtiy----------

"WELL?!?!?!"

"Oh, Hi Charlie. How's life in the future?"

*sigh*


"WELL?!?!?"

"Well, What?" He's like a broken record, huh?

"Well, what did you think about what I wrote???"

"Oh... that." He tries to play it cool, like it barely registers on his radar. Please. You and I both know that Dave would kill to have Charlie Kaufman as his writing partner.

"It was okay. Kinda verbose. And the waterfall of spiders thing... I'm not really feeling it. And the characters suddenly got all flippant and light on us. The tone's wierd. But I like the rest. You know... the line where the character asks what direction they're heading. That works. Let's tweak the rest, though. I'm not sweating it."

Sometimes I regret asking "WELL?!"


Charlie

Keywords: b movie, Siege, screenwriting, screenplay, scriptwriter, movies